Animals, Sex, Camping and Intimacy: Camping out

Camping out

By Baggabbles123 - 08/06/2009 23:24 - Canada

Today, I was camping. Me and this really cute girl were hitting it off real nice. It was the last night so we both headed over to my tent to have sex. I was just about to get it in when a raccoon ripped my tent, causing the girl to scream and run away. I got cockblocked by a raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 432

You deserved it 9 345

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Same thing different taste

By Tori Pearson - 27/06/2011 04:21 - Canada

Today, I went camping. My tent is flooded, a raccoon ate all my food, I lost the anchor to my boat which as a result is now across the lake. Three more days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 762

You deserved it 6 899

Outdoorsy

By Anonymous - 22/03/2012 03:21 - United States - London

Today, I found out that sex in the woods is amazing. I also found that the roar of a nearby bear will end the amazement. Not only was I cockblocked by a bear, I almost shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 848

You deserved it 7 248

Not so cute

By Anonymous - 01/12/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 449

Lucky escape

By Anonymous - 27/11/2025 12:00

Today, I went camping with my girlfriend and another couple. We saw a black bear. I shrieked and peed, while the other guy stepped forward and yelled, "Get outta here!" To my surprise, it ran away. My girlfriend is so ashamed of me that she's refusing to share a tent. I'm sleeping in my truck bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 220

You deserved it 444

By and god shat - 11/07/2014 23:38 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 302

You deserved it 9 095

Darwin smiled

By Ihateracoons - 06/09/2022 06:30

Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 162

You deserved it 5 373

Wildlife

By Anonymous - 13/07/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I arrived at a campsite, got everything set up, and went for a shower. However, when I got back, a drunken rhino of a woman had crawled into my tent, been sick, then passed out on my freshly-washed bedding. She was so fat I couldn’t even roll her. I had to sleep in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 563

You deserved it 84

By "baow" - 17/03/2019 16:00 - Sweden

Today, I met this girl and we ended up having sex at her place. She decided to give me some head underneath the cover, it really was great until her Garfield sized cat decided to jump on her head and make her choke on it. Guess who got kicked out in the middle of the night for being too reckless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 178

You deserved it 346

Surprise, MFer!

By Anonymous - 04/09/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I went to use a public restroom. I walked into the first stall and found it occupied… by a raccoon. It hissed at me, and in my panic, I backed into a janitor's cart, knocking over the mop and bucket. I had to leave the bathroom drenched in dirty water while a crowd of people watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 108

Nice place

By Anonymous - 07/03/2021 15:01 - Australia - Clayton

Today, I experienced the perfect romantic moment as I was sitting on a hill on the beach overlooking the sunset, cuddling my girlfriend. It was abruptly ruined. How? A rat ran past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 746

You deserved it 212

Trebek 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 9:27

A raccoon interrupted you getting beaver, eh?

CryingHowls 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 9:26

GO RACCOON!

Comments

jncwmnd 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 14:00

haha #35 but this is why you don't have sex while camping....who wants mosquito bites on their ass? at least it was a raccoon though and not a serial killer ^_^

TomFantastic 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 15:09

@25/37: Technically a ***** gets paid. Sex was over-sanctified by the Victorians, it's just a shame society has chosen that one aspect to not move on from. @poster: FYL but bloody hilarious all the same!

ChefBoy6382 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 15:11

Raccoon? when did they stop being scared of humans, i thought we topped the food chain. Good story though...

jncwmnd 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 15:16

#43..maybe this particular raccoon had marked its territory and wasn't about to let 2 humans fool around in his spot

touchmeteaseme 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 15:23

37, you don't have to go get laid but you should get off your high horse, like 27 said. Your opinion is your opinion but WOW, not a damn person cares. If you don't agree with premarital sex then don't have it and mind your own business. This is FML not an abstinence awareness site.

fmkittw 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 15:34

whoa- did you have sex with the raccoon after?

Ilovelife07 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 15:49

28 wins, totally worth it

kirby229 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 16:24

mehwhateverr you do need to get off your high horse. i would never have sex with someone im not in love with but that doesnt give me the right to look down on other people who just hook up. you dont know what other people have gone through or what their lives are like, so dont judge them. you calling people ****** for having sex in high school is like other people calling you prude for being abstinent. its rude and ignorant. to the OP: thats hilarious haha