Kids Today, our 2-year-old poured honey on our baby. FML

Anonymous - 01/03/2017 20:00

Today, our 2-year-old poured honey on our baby. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Little angel

Mamaof2 - 11/01/2025 06:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was having dinner with my husband and two toddlers. My two year-old son was being incredibly cute and independently drinking water out of an open cup. I commented on how much I loved him. Two seconds later, he threw said cup with water at my head and started laughing. FML

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gross - 06/08/2015 17:28 - United States

Today, I asked my one-year-old to come and give mommy a kiss. She did and it was really sweet, until she tried to spit a piece of dog food into my mouth. FML

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Anonymous - 19/11/2010 07:47

Today, I was putting my 2 year old to bed, and I began to sing to her. She reached up, put her finger over my lips, and said, "Shhh, Mommy." FML

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shitface - 25/01/2010 10:18 - Australia

Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML

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Eringobrag88 - 27/06/2011 16:08 - United States

Today, I woke up to my two year old crawling in bed with me and saying, "I poop". Normally this would be ok, but this morning she decided she didn't need a diaper. FML

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MommyProblems - 19/01/2014 05:17 - United States

Today, my 2-year-old son put his hand on my face, gave me a sweet kiss, and put his cheek against mine. Then he slapped me hard enough to leave a mark, laughed, and scrambled away. FML

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Sibling rivalry

Mayo baby - 19/10/2025 09:00

Today, I was at Costco, with my six year-old and my baby. I turned my back on them to grab something off a shelf and heard the baby scream. I turned around and saw my son dumping a gallon jug of mayonnaise all over my baby in his stroller. FML

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Amber Rutledge - 27/01/2018 00:00

Today, my 2-year-old learned how to open the fridge lock. I came out of the bathroom to what she called a "scrambled egg breakfast". FML

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Fffhjno - 28/09/2016 18:15 - United States - Providence

Today, I saw my two-year-old son trying to floss his teeth. He was using an earthworm. FML

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Stinky

Carolina R-h - 18/06/2019 16:30

Today, my 2-year-old woke up from her nap with a full diaper, then decided to climb down from her bed and got stuck under the railing, leaving a stinky trail of poop everywhere. FML

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CheekyRaccoon 27

Wednesday 1 March 2017 20:04

Well ain't that sweet?

thatnucca 36

Thursday 2 March 2017 4:08

Oh sweet baby Jesus...

CheekyRaccoon 27

Wednesday 1 March 2017 20:04

Well ain't that sweet?

dabomsht123 3

Wednesday 1 March 2017 20:21

Y'all must laughed like crazy.

Cali 54

Wednesday 1 March 2017 20:40

The 2-year-old was worried about all that wispy hair and tried to help with a honey mask. So thoughtful!

Rock_Lobsterr 10

Wednesday 1 March 2017 20:42

RIP Huskers jersey.

loserman67 35

Wednesday 1 March 2017 21:37

Your baby looks like a sweetie !

WhatHappenedToIt 22

Wednesday 1 March 2017 23:59

wtf is "I agree, we'll spotted" suppose to mean haha

0neiros 14

Thursday 2 March 2017 3:12

This should be followed with - Today I got my ass beat for pouring honey on my sibling. FML

thatnucca 36

Thursday 2 March 2017 4:08

Oh sweet baby Jesus...

species4872 19

Thursday 2 March 2017 5:12

Honey, I got the kid.

embarrasseddaily 7

Thursday 2 March 2017 5:17

that seems like a sticky situation

Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML

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Today, I went to a new doctor for an injury. Instead, the doctor only focused on my weight and tried to basically prescribe me anorexia. She tried to tell me that 750 calories a day was fine and brushed off my exercise regimen as, "Exercise is great, but you'll lose weight faster if there are no calories to burn." FML

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Today, I cleaned my closet a few nights ago and my sisters decided to take all of laundry I'd folded for the family and threw it in the closet, instead of actually taking it to the rooms of who it belonged to. Nobody in the house can find their clothes, and I have to locate everything in a 3x4 foot closet piled to the roof. FML

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Today, I was called a "freeloading parasite" and had a knife pulled on me for being a landlord. I buy land, build small starter homes, and rent or sell them, generally at a significant loss, out of a philanthropic desire to ease the housing shortage. For the gratitude I get, I should just build McMansions. FML

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Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML

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Today, my boyfriend found out that male goats will stick their tongues out, snort, and garble at female goats in heat. Now he's doing it to me at all manner of times, sound effects and all. I now know why goats ram their heads into things repeatedly. FML

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