Nearly FMLs

By "Molly Strawn" - 26/07/2019 05:45

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head and I thought it would be fun to let him cum in my mouth, but I'd never done that before. I ended up gagging, spitting it back up all over him and myself. While my body was tightening up and convulsing, I let out a loud absolutely massive fart. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 40

By Anonymous - 25/07/2019 18:38 - United States - Cedarburg

Today my in-laws said I was selfish because I haven't paid them for babysitting our daughter even though they offered to do it for free and when we had extra money we gave them $100 for watching our daughter and have loaned them a couple hundred without getting it back or asking for it back fml

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 23/07/2019 18:45

Today, as it happens too much, I had to perform a circumcision on a healthy newborn baby boy for no medical reason, but because his parents forced it, even after being told all the objective reasons not to have it done. Sometimes, I really hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 109

By Jennifer Sara Harms - 21/07/2019 13:18

Today I was walking to work when out of nowhere I felt someone bump into my purse backpack and I went flying and fell flat on my face. Cutting my lip,pants,knee and leaving a huge bruise on my other leg. I had to walk another 3 minutes bleeding non stop when I got into the care home I was scaring a few of the residents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 11

By brokenheart - 19/07/2019 07:21

Today, I decided to talk to my boyfriend about how I didn’t want to see him multiple days a week as I get mentally tired. He then got mad at me and dumped me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 205

By ftpallday666 - 17/07/2019 09:03

Today, after several months of grieving for my recently deceased father, none of my jeans fit. So I got out my emergency 3 sizes too big jeans. They don’t fit either. By a long shot. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 30

By Anonymous - 12/07/2019 13:18

Today, at 5 am, I got a notice from my bank saying my account was 4800 in the negative. The reason? My internet provider accidentally drafted 5285 instead of 52.85. I have to wait 3 hours for the bank to open. No way I'm getting anymore sleep

I agree, your life sucks 197

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 09/07/2019 00:10

Today I went to a movie-making camp that Ive gone to before. During our break, our camp director showed us some movies people made last year. During one of the movies, some guy points at one of the people in the movie and said hes fat! That person in the movie was me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 16

By DogStew - 08/07/2019 08:13

Today at work I tore the front of my pants. Then I slightly shit my pants during lunch break. The restroom had no paper products of any kind. All I have is my boxers to wipe up, but I tore open my pants. What do I do? FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 35

By "KeepOnTruckin'" - 06/07/2019 23:24 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my mother decided to sleep in my brother's room (adjacent to mine with a thin wall between) while he was away, in order to get away from my snoring stepfather. Tonight was also the night my body decided to have its first, apparently very vocal, nocturnal emission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 02/07/2019 22:59

Today I found out that the job offer i sold my house to relocate for has been revoked due to no fault of mine. I'm now jobless/homeless in a city i dont know, where vagrancy is a punishable crime and there are little to no resources. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202

You deserved it 17

By Anonymous - 02/07/2019 22:28

Today, my short term disability claim was denied, again. Apparently they can’t see why my mother’s death would cause me to be depressed, when I already have depression, anxiety, PTSD and SAD. I’m on the verge of being homeless if I don’t pay the mortgage soon... FML

I agree, your life sucks 171

You deserved it 40

By "LostSoul" - 01/07/2019 01:07

Today during the storms, tornadoes, and blackouts, my floor caved in, we have termites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 8

By whiskey'swino - 30/06/2019 14:33 - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, I realized that my husband has effectively killed my sexual desire that even porn looks sad and ridiculous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 14

By "Boyufd" - 26/06/2019 22:17

Today, I redownloaded tinder for the fourth time this year even though I don't get a lot of matches. Yes, I'm really that desperate and lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 30

By Anonymous - 26/06/2019 08:10

Today after much soul searching with my therapist we have determined my anger and depression stem from the fact I hate my parents, my wife, kids, career choice, home, pets etc. Basically I hate everything about my life and will never find happiness FML

I agree, your life sucks 184

You deserved it 66

By Anonymous - 24/06/2019 21:24

Today, it's been months since my sister has spoken to me. The reason? We got into a fight the last time I saw her. She has consistently fought with my parents and brother over holidays for the past few years, and has made up with them, but I guess I'm not worth forgiving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 12

By RejectRaven - 23/06/2019 08:28

Today, I lost a longtime friend. I don’t know why. He posted something about cheating on his wife on Facebook, unfriended me on all social media and won’t return my texts. We’ve never been sexual ever and have been friends since childhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 6

By cowy - 23/06/2019 03:20

Today, my last five dates have dumped me because of the way I chew. I chew with my mouth closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 17

By Anonymous - 22/06/2019 12:24

Today things between my boyfriend and I were getting pretty heated up. He started fingering me. When I was about to come I squirted but accidentally shat the bed doing so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166

You deserved it 35

By Chicken Wings - 21/06/2019 10:22

Today, I was petsitting for my neighbor when I discovered a nest of baby birds hatched recently and were roaming about. In a yard with two hunting dogs. I witnessed a baby quail with a fatal bite wound give its last breaths. I never thought dog sitting would be a source of emotional scarring. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 12

By a skinny girl - 20/06/2019 08:43

Today, I found out the only reason my parents constantly encouraged me to go to college was that they’d hoped I’d put on some weight my freshman year. It’s my senior year and I haven’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 8

By Mightytall - 16/06/2019 02:12

Today, I’m stuck in a hunting blind. It’s 2am and I wanted to go home over an hour ago, but a red deer mommy is chilling in the grass out front and I don’t wanna spook her because they are so rare and her calf will be close too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 69

By Anonymous - 15/06/2019 23:14

Today i realized my fathers breasts are bigger than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163

You deserved it 13

By anonyribose - 12/06/2019 16:53 - United States - Bellingham

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she liked her best friend, who was also a close friend of mine. She denied it, even after I said she could be honest. I would have been fine with it. A few days later I found out she cheated on me with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 15

By Anonymous - 12/06/2019 04:00

Today, my visually impaired mother walked in on me and my boyfriend having sex. If that wasnt bad enough, she decided to sit on my bed and warn me about how its important to not lose your virginity in college but to wait for the perfect wife while I was balls deep in another man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 67

By oblivious Zombie - 09/06/2019 10:09

Today marks 9 days since I had dental surgery where I had teeth removed. My face is still swollen & hasn’t decreased since day 1 of aftercare. I need pain killers in order to be capable of sleeping due to so much pain. I had surgery because I couldn’t sleep without taking Advil due to pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 13

By fuckfamily - 08/06/2019 23:02

Today I had a falling out with my mother. I refused to take my kids to a family reunion hosted by the aunt that physically and mentally abused me for years as a child. According to my mom I need to “let it go” and “get over it” for the sake of the family. Thanks ma. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 228

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 05/06/2019 23:50

Today, I was in a gaming tournament for $10K (and winning, it was against like 1000 people and I got into the top 5), and then my family thought it was a good idea to turn off the internet because I was playing too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 31

By Anonymous - 05/06/2019 11:49

Today, I was getting ready for the most important French test of the year. I asked my mom, a French teacher herself, for help. She told me: no, mommy is busy watching a beauty pageant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 29

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my ex got arrested for stealing. His new girlfriend texted me asking if I could lend her money to bail him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 429

You deserved it 1 975

Today, I overcame my debilitating seasickness long enough to have a shower and take a breath of fresh air on the cruise ship balcony. Then as a reward, a passing seagull shat on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 584

You deserved it 3 205

Today, my teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I sarcastically replied that I'm still a virgin. She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder you're so uptight. You need to get laid, mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 319

You deserved it 7 907

Today, I'm a shy guy normally, and when I talk to my friends I don't keep eye contact so I always look down even when I'm listening. My friend asked me why I always look at her boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 093

You deserved it 24 922

Today, depressed about a recent break-up with my long-term boyfriend, I bought a book about moving on after a relationship ends. The cashier placed some standard promotional fliers in my bag during check-out. Once home, I pulled out the fliers. They were for a married couples retreat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 683

You deserved it 3 051

Today, I lost a huge bet with my friends. I had to either post a sexual message on my mom's Facebook wall confessing my "love" for her, or be ratted out for cheating on a school test earlier in the year. Now I'm considered a freak by half my school, and am indefinitely grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 031

You deserved it 45 213