NSFW

Getting some action

By hugadyle - 18/04/2020 14:00

Spicy

Today, I took a trip to the library's public computer section to get some important work done. After a bit of work, I went to stretch only to see that the man next to me was watching some adult films on his computer and discreetly touching himself. I still had 58 minutes of computer time left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 656

You deserved it 190

Missed opportunities

By say what?! - 10/04/2020 08:00

Spicy

Today, I got a text from a female friend saying, "So bored, come over, let's fuck.” Knowing her sense of humor, I laughed it off and sarcastically replied, "On my way!” About an hour later, I got a message from her husband asking what was taking me so long. They really wanted a threesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 111

You deserved it 539

Too dry

By Anonymous - 22/02/2020 20:00

Spicy

Today, I spent the evening with my new wife at the doctor’s because she thought she had a UTI. The doctor sent the nurse to talk to us because he was too embarrassed to tell us that we just needed to use more lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 844

You deserved it 419

So, it is not immoral ?

By Anonymous - 17/11/2019 01:00 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, my parents were arguing about their relationship. My mom, who is very Christian, yelled at my dad for watching porn. My dad responded, "Of course I watch porn, I've told you! I've shown you!" He's also the one who stressed to me at a very young age that porn is immoral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 981

You deserved it 192

Golden shower

By Anonymous - 08/11/2019 03:00

Spicy

Today, I had my first golden shower. Too bad it was from my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 728

You deserved it 401

Running gag

By needsomelove - 20/10/2019 06:00 - France

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex. Foreplay was amazing, but as soon as he started to get it in, he lost his erection because he was too nervous. He's a 30-year-old virgin and this has happened at least 10 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 417

You deserved it 345

Ask first, snoop later

By Jenna - 07/10/2019 16:00

Spicy

Today, I was trying to find my missing purple pen in the house I share with my boyfriend and his 57 year-old mother. I checked her room just in case, only to open a drawer and be greeted by a dildo. I’m never going to unsee that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 676

You deserved it 3 247

You wanker!

By Anonymous - 06/10/2019 22:00

Spicy

Today, my brother arrived at the cabin we’re staying at on a trip. He insisted he got the bed I chose. My father responded, "You wouldn’t want the bed if you knew what he did in it last night." I laughed until I realized there's a mirror where he could've easily seen "what I did last night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 2 156

Not so normal, no

By grossedoutgirlfriend - 04/10/2019 14:00

Spicy

Today, I came home from work to see a pair of panties I hadn't worn lying on the floor. I picked them up and they were all crunchy. It turns out that while I'm away, my boyfriend uses my underwear as a vessel for his semen. He claims this is normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 496

You deserved it 396

Wax on, wax off

By Bllllaaaaaah - 24/09/2019 04:01 - United States - Juno

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on. At one point, he started to kiss my ear. Then, he stopped, went into the bathroom, and came out with about four Q-tips. He then said to me, "Just take care of your ears, then I'll continue." FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 2 136

Better luck next time

By Anonymous - 16/07/2019 14:30

Spicy

Today, nine weeks after giving birth, my husband and I finally tried to have sex since a friend was watching the baby. Not only could I not get wet due to hormones, but as soon as he got back from buying lube, his drunk brother called needing a ride from the bar. No sex for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 259

You deserved it 341

Take what comes

By badhabit - 31/05/2019 22:00

Spicy

Today, I went out with my ex-girlfriend, with whom I have a good friendship with and am in fact still in love. I picked her up at her house and we had a perfect night together that ended with sex in my car. As I dropped her off, she turned to me and said, "I hope you know we're just friends." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 907

You deserved it 1 718

Dr. Dick

By Peter - 11/05/2019 14:00

Spicy

Today, I discovered that my girlfriend has been lying to me about having a long-term illness requiring multiple trips to the doctor's. She isn't ill, she was cheating on me with the local GP. So I’ve literally driven her to the clinic and then sat in the waiting room while she screwed the doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 359

You deserved it 352

Judas!

By Anonymous - 29/04/2019 14:00

Spicy

Today, and ever since the booty call I work with became a lead, a position I was guaranteed, he's spread awful, untrue things about me around the office, and now that he's become buddy-buddy with management, they believe him. Don't shit where you eat, kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 260

You deserved it 2 156

Quickie

By dragonstooth257 - 03/02/2019 12:00

Spicy

Today, while on vacation with my siblings and the horde of nieces and nephews, me and hubby managed to sneak in a quickie. It was a quickie alright. For the first time in our marriage he blew his load after 2 strokes because he was afraid of being interrupted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 099

You deserved it 696

Burn unit

By Anonymous - 28/01/2019 18:00 - United States - Arcade

Spicy

Today, I woke up with a horrible UTI after having sex with my fiance the night before. I went to an urgent care to get antibiotics as my primary was closed. Turns out, I'm allergic to condom lubricant. Now every time I pee, it not only burns, but smells like a nasty condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 533

You deserved it 223

Forgetful

By Superdumb - 26/11/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about sex and I asked him if he had ever finished inside a woman. He looked directly into my eyes and said, "Babe... I have a son, remember?" Yeah, I forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 791

You deserved it 5 550

Busted

By Sofi - 21/08/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, I canceled going to a party with my sisters because I had a secret plan to have a threesome. They left for the party, but soon returned thinking it would be no fun without me. By then we were already making a lot of indecent noise. They heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 261

You deserved it 3 061

WTF?

By Rosie - 28/07/2018 05:00

Today, I got off a long shift and went to the bus stop. Upon arrival, I saw a girl giving a guy a blowjob. Disgusted, I tried to avoid them and sat on the bench to wait. The girl popped up angrily and looked over at me. "Can't you give us some privacy?!" This is the only bus stop nearby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 117

You deserved it 316

Gross

By Sticky floor - 27/07/2018 05:00

Spicy

Today, my best friend and roommate has decided to "stop being controlled by society" while at home. This involves him walking around naked, masturbating whenever he wants, and not cleaning up his guys. I've stepped in it three times already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 918

You deserved it 394

Not the nuggets!

By Anon - 27/06/2018 20:30

Spicy

Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing for 5 months over. We got some chicken nuggets, but didn’t eat because he stripped my clothes off and we started having sex. Out of nowhere, he said, "I can’t do this!" and left. He took the chicken nuggets with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 961

You deserved it 513

Single life

By Dxxk Biter - 20/02/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, the first guy I tried to have sex with at university got his foreskin stuck in his zip and had to go to hospital for stitches. He told all his friends I did it on purpose with my teeth during a blowjob. I now have a reputation, so I guess I'm staying single for the next 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 284

You deserved it 734

Sexy talk

By ... - 18/02/2018 01:30

Spicy

Today, I realized all of my boyfriend's and my dirty messages were being sent to my mom because I'd logged into messenger on her phone once without logging out. She sat me down and said, "I know your mouth's been on his wee wee." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 419

You deserved it 5 688

That was short-lived.

By adc2502 - 02/02/2018 11:00

Spicy

Today, after getting my first debit card, I spent £60 on porn online. My mum made me print off a statement at the ATM as she wanted to know where my money had gone. She saw everything and cut up my card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 026

You deserved it 8 636

Every accusation is a confession

By Anonymous - 05/11/2017 15:00

Spicy

Today, my husband accused me of cheating on him and demanded to look through my phone. When he found nothing, he admitted to having his first gay experience this weekend and just wanting something to “even the field” before telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 589

You deserved it 447

By TheLostCauseFML - 25/10/2017 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about role-playing during sex when he suddenly said, "I'll be Trump. Let's make sex great again!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 050

You deserved it 1 010

By Jenn - 24/09/2017 16:00 - United States - Fort Wayne

Spicy

Today, I had my first astounding orgasm, during which I simultaneously shat myself and vomited. I'm so thankful my new partner was present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 356

You deserved it 651

Lights out

By AVeryConfusedGuy - 11/05/2017 22:00

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with a girl and she passed out about a minute in. I panicked and thought she'd died so I tried to feel for a heartbeat. She woke up 45 seconds later and accused me of fondling her breasts while she was out. Apparently she has narcolepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 872

You deserved it 625

Look! Look!

By skinnydick - 20/02/2017 04:00 - United States - Clifton Park

Spicy

Today, while riding the bus, I saw my ex-girlfriend get on. Despite several seats being open, she specifically sat next to me. I was at first happy, thinking she might want to make up. Nope, she instead blocked me in with her bag and spent the entire time showing me pictures of her new lover's dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 080

You deserved it 1 138

By Anonymous - 08/12/2016 09:35

Spicy

Today, it's been so long since my fiancé and I have had sex I now apparently have dreams about all-night unprotected screwing marathons with George Bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 345

You deserved it 1 457

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The Top

Today, my friend and I were making sandwiches at his house. His family's dog wandered over just as I dropped a large chunk of cheddar on the floor. The dog snatched it up and ran away with it. I yelled after it, jokingly, that I hoped it would choke and die. It did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 157

You deserved it 54 692

Today, I was at the mall with my mom. She was pissing me off, so I started screaming at her and causing a scene. I ended up falling all the way down the up escalator. Everyone saw and people clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 364

You deserved it 339 421

Random

Today, I went to the surprise birthday party of an ex I still love, though I'm the one who ended things. I walked in in time to see her screaming "Yes" to her kneeling boyfriend, her parents crying and applauding, and her brothers patting him on the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 213

You deserved it 52 097

Today, my dad asked me for a word that rhymed with vagina. He was filling out an anniversary card for my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 995

You deserved it 3 018

Today, I had just gotten out of the shower when I thought I had to fart, so I ripped it. instead, I shat all over myself and my floor. I'm 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 535

You deserved it 1 402

Today, I found out the hard way what it feels like to have a seagull poo on your face while cycling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 467

You deserved it 185

Today, I'm 25. I dropped out of college when I was 19 because I didn't fit in. I was developmentally behind and looked like a fifteen year-old. All of high school I was excluded. I'm back in college now, but everyone still feels more mature than me. I no longer look or act young for my age due to years of stress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 237

Today, I was trying to chat up a girl by showing off my new smartwatch. I proudly said, “It even reads my heartbeat!” It was 132 bpm. She looked at me and asked, “Are you OK? Or just incredibly out of shape from talking to me?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 494