Today, my wife informed me that she hates having sex with me, and only married me because I was dark, trim, and handsome, but now I'm just gray, fat, and soon to be single. FML
Today, I found out the tattoo symbolising my marriage turned out to be more permanent than the marriage itself. FML
Today, it was our 19 year wedding anniversary. When I mentioned this to my husband, all he did was grunt at me and never brought it up again for the rest of the day. I didn't get anything. No flowers, no card, no dinner, nothing. Oh, and I also had to work. FML
Today, my husband wrote all these wonderful romantic messages to me via Facebook, proclaiming his love to me in front of all my friends and family. Too bad he hasn't spoken to me in "real life" for almost 3 weeks. FML
Today, I found out that my husband wants to leave me. I got the message loud and clear when his girlfriend forwarded me screenshots of all their texts. FML
Today, my husband got fired from his government-mandated "volunteer" work due to a sexual harassment complaint he filed. He's morbidly obese and still gets more attention in the years we've been together than my whole life. FML
Today, I rang up a good friend to ask her to be one of the two bridesmaids at my upcoming wedding. Before I could ask, she let me know that she would not be attending my wedding, as, "Weddings are expensive, so I'm not attending ones for people that are just acquaintances." FML
Today, my husband has both arms broken, and I have to help him in the bathroom. Not the problem. My girlfriends and I have been pranking each other lately and it's been fun, but they decided to slip my husband slip him some laxatives so that I would have to clean him him. FML
Today, I had a dream about marrying Hitler. I've had this same dream three times now. My subconscious is starting to scare me. FML
Today, my sister announced she’s pregnant with my husband’s baby. The worst part? It was a plot for revenge against me. She lied about being on birth control to baby trap him. The crime? Me beating her at our high school beauty pageant. Ten years ago. FML
Today, my wife waited until we’d been married for two weeks to tell me she has a mountain of credit card debt that she’s been hiding from me. This explains why she insisted the mortgage and car be in my name, her credit score is so low that it’s almost a double digit FML
Today, I can’t divorce my lazy, unemployed, shopping-addicted, cheating wife because her father is one of the best, sleaziest, underhanded divorce lawyers in our city. FML
Today, I'm exhausted and sore from a long night of pulling semis out of the snow. My wife is pissed because I want to sleep, instead of be with her. Every time I drift off, she starts doing things like loudly unloading the dishwasher or standing by our bedroom door talking loudly on the phone. FML
Today, I discovered my husband of 3 years is cheating on me with another woman. Nice to know he has absolutely zero feelings for me at all. FML
Today, I called my parents to wish them a happy 28th anniversary. Now my mom's mad at my dad for forgetting, and my dad's mad at me for reminding her. FML
Today, I’m a happily married man and I know this because my wife says so all the time. E.g., we don’t need marriage counselling because we’re happily married; you're not moving out because we’re happily married, and the latest, we don’t need a divorce because we’re happily married. FML
Today, one of my sisters is getting married to the guy who bullied me so badly in high school I attempted suicide twice. She insists he’s changed, like I’m supposed to give a fuck. Every time he comes in the house, I want to either run and hide, or stab him in the face and cut off his balls. FML
Today, I got married on Skyrim. To an elf. While in real life, my love life is floundering like a half-dead carp in the surf on a hot day. So much so in fact that I actually draw a measure of comfort from being married to an elf. FML
Today, my dad is getting married for the 4th time. First it was my mom, then as they got older, he married a woman 10 years his junior, then his third wife was my age and 28 years his junior. Now at the grand old age of 64, he is marrying a 22 year old, 42 years his junior, almost 2 decades younger than me. FML
Today, my husband told me he doesn't see me in a sexual light. Too bad we've only been married for 3 months. FML
Today, my marriage of only a month is falling apart because my wife is furious that I allowed my daughter to move in with my mother, who lives just a few houses down. My daughter wanted to go live with her grandma and I agreed because my wife brought in four kids and my daughter had virtually no space. FML
Today, I realized my marriage makes me feel like I'm just passing time until death. FML
Today, at my wedding reception, I jokingly asked my aunt, who has always been convinced that I am gay despite my protests, if she believed me now. She took this the wrong way and drunkenly went around telling my guests that my wedding was a sham to convince her I was straight. FML
Today, my longterm girlfriend and I broke up after 2 months of me not being myself, due to repressed memories of a childhood trauma. Prior to this coming up, I was about about ask her to marry me. FML
Today, after 6 years of dating, 2 years of marriage, a daughter and another one on the way, my husband decided that he’s "not the one for me" and told me he was leaving for his co-worker who he’s only known for a few months. Apparently they’re more "meant to be." FML
Today, I found out the man (M 43) that I’ve (F 32) been seeing on and off for 5 or 6 years secretly got married two weeks ago. He was even at my job for an event a week ago and didn’t even tell me. This man took my first kiss and virginity. I even provided emotional support when his aunt and sister passed from cancer. Absolutely blindsided. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend of 3 years that I wanted to marry him someday. His response was, "Oh, OK, thanks." FML
Today, it’s my honeymoon. I waited patiently for a year and a half to have sex since I respected her “No sex before marriage” rule. However, my new wife has a new rule: “Sex is for procreation and I’m not ready to have children yet.” How much longer should I wait to make love to the one I love now? FML
Today, my boyfriend of almost five years told me, due to health issues, he can't move in with me or propose to me. He knows I support him, but if it was a serious health issue, wouldn't he want to be married, knowing I'm there? FML
Today, I told my boyfriend of two years that I wanted to get married eventually, and there's no way to talk me out of it. He broke up with me immediately. FML
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