Marriage

Stewart Lee has let himself go

By Anonymous - 11/10/2021 14:00

Today, my wife informed me that she hates having sex with me, and only married me because I was dark, trim, and handsome, but now I'm just gray, fat, and soon to be single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 268

You deserved it 148

Hello, goodbye

By Joey - 07/05/2009 22:39 - United States

Today, my wife of three years asked me to meet her for lunch at Subway. When I arrived, she was standing in the parking lot. She handed me a footlong sub, said "I got you a turkey sandwich" and followed it up with "And I'm leaving you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 207

You deserved it 5 251

No Ragrets

By Rodolfo_el - 17/04/2021 10:59

Today, my wife made me sleep on the couch because I ate the last Magnum Ice Cream bar. Last week, she bitched me out for singing too loud in the shower. I strongly regret leaving my ex-girlfriend of 5 years for this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 1 940

Throw in the towel

By Anonymous - 26/08/2021 14:01

Today, my plan to punish my husband by leaving him for a week completely failed. When I got home from the hotel, he had his buddies over happily watching football, but his face fell when I walked in, like I’d ruined his day by coming home. I don’t think my marriage can be saved at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 1 523

Thanks for the input

By SBCR - 07/12/2012 06:01 - United States - Ankeny

Today, my best friend announced she was getting married. I've always wanted to be a bridesmaid but she then added, "You can't be in the bridal party because you don't have the same body type as the other bridesmaids. But you can still come to the bachelorette party!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 571

You deserved it 3 012

Congratulations!

By Anonymous - 10/11/2023 06:00

Today, I found out my daughter got married and didn’t even bother to tell anyone. She just turned up at a family get together with some random dude and introduced him as the guy she married two weeks ago while drunk. They’re now dating to see if the marriage will work out long term. I can’t even. FML

I agree, your life sucks 590

You deserved it 169

Oh well, maybe next… year?

By Suzi_d16 - 20/04/2020 23:00

Today, I was supposed to get married. Unfortunately, it was cancelled because of the coronavirus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 880

You deserved it 308

Mommy's boy

By HellFuckingNo! - 04/05/2023 21:00 - United States

Today, while wedding planning, my future MIL complained that the archway was too small for three people. Seeing my confused look, she explained, “Didn’t he tell you? I’m going to be at the altar with you two during the entire ceremony!” He even bought her a ring so she doesn’t feel “left out”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 742

You deserved it 183

Bigmouth Strikes Again

By Mr. FootInMouth - 23/11/2020 07:56

Today, I learned that my brother has been secretly married to his girlfriend for over a year. That means that during Christmas break, when I told him that she was a "toxic bitch" and that he should leave her before she drags him down with her, they had already been married for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 400

You deserved it 482

Love costs a fortune

By Philip Seth Camps - 22/05/2021 11:01

Today, I found out that my now ex-fiancé was still married to her ex throughout the entire relationship. What I didn't realize was that I ended up paying for the divorce, and 3 months later she got married to someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 212

You deserved it 176

Quick reflexes

By fml9124 - 20/03/2020 18:00

Today, my girlfriend's 8-year-old daughter decided that I'm going to marry her mom and send her to an orphanage. I blurted out, "Marriage?! No one's talking about marriage!" Now my girlfriend is mad at me, and her daughter is still scared of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 899

You deserved it 867

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

By Whoishe? - 02/06/2021 06:00

Today, I realized my husband is a completely different person than when we married. It’s only been three and a half years since we eloped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 176

Outcast

By Anonymous - 22/02/2021 21:30 - United States

Today, while looking through the newspaper, I saw that my sister got married a couple weeks ago. Not only did she not invite me, she "forgot" to mention it yesterday while we were having lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 095

You deserved it 109

What are you most angry about?

By Anonymous - 27/02/2021 14:01

Today, my husband got fired from his government-mandated "volunteer" work due to a sexual harassment complaint he filed. He's morbidly obese and still gets more attention in the years we've been together than my whole life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 202

FOOTBALL player reveals TRUTH!

By fml9124 - 28/01/2021 20:01

Today, I told my wife Philip Rivers retired. Being born and bred in Baltimore, she hates anything Colts now. "Philip is a stupid name", she says. I pointed out my middle name is Philip. She laughed, then said, "Are you serious?" We've been married 33 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 136

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 23/12/2020 13:58

Today, my best friend's parents posted her wedding date on Facebook. My best friend got engaged a few months after I did. The only wedding plan I have come up with so far is a Fall 2022 wedding. My best friend is also planning a Fall 2022 wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 784

Red flags everywhere

By Anonymous - 09/10/2023 15:00

Today, my wife started finding everything I do annoying, just after she passed her American citizenship test. I hope there’s no correlation between that and the eight years of support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 208

Don't do it

By Anonymous - 13/07/2022 16:00

Today, my wife has been trying to talk our daughter out of getting married, because it would be throwing her life away when she’s so young, and it would make her miserable in the long run. It’s getting a little hard not to take it personally since we’ve been married for over 30 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 194

Yours or theirs? Or both?

By Anonymous - 15/01/2025 04:00 - Thailand - Bangkok

Today, I realized my marriage makes me feel like I'm just passing time until death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 144

Not going well, is it?

By Anonymous - 24/03/2021 20:00 - United States

Today, I've been married for six months, my husband and I are in our early twenties, and not only does he have absolutely no interest in any kind of sexual act with me, he actually becomes angry and irritated when I try to come on to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 499

You deserved it 263

Lord of the lost rings

By Anonymous - 09/11/2022 18:00

Today, despite been married for less than two days, my husband has managed to lose his wedding ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 138

Suspicious Minds

By PaulaP - 09/07/2021 07:59

Today, my husband wants to go on a trip to Tulum with his friend. I suggested I go as well, but he refused because it’s a "friends trip." He assures me that he "won’t sleep in the same bed with her or anything." I had to explain why it was still inappropriate. He still doesn’t get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 146

You deserved it 246

By melmel - 05/05/2014 05:07 - United States - Cumming

Today, I spent an hour explaining to a college student how you could have a baby and not be married. He still doesn't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 782

You deserved it 4 565

Are you the wife from the previous FML?

By Anonymous - 24/08/2021 04:02

Today, I don’t think I’ve ever been so angry. I was already mad at my husband, but he asked if we could just skip the boring two-hour argument, assume he’d already given me an empty apology and quietly return to hating each other while at least being civil about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 378

Like glue

By Anonymous - 08/08/2021 10:01

Today, it's been almost 3 years since my wife has wanted sex, and I get turned down every time I ask. Even when I insist on a romantic date night, we just sit with no idea what to say to each other. How did we drift so far apart? The only thing keeping us together is the mortgage and the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 127

You deserved it 253

Unreasonable

By Anonymous - 21/02/2021 10:01 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my father-in-law decided to disown myself and his son, because my husband decided to hyphenate his last name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 291

Compassion

By Anemity_is_my_name - 07/01/2021 14:01 - United States

Today, I'm exhausted and sore from a long night of pulling semis out of the snow. My wife is pissed because I want to sleep, instead of be with her. Every time I drift off, she starts doing things like loudly unloading the dishwasher or standing by our bedroom door talking loudly on the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 549

You deserved it 96

Get out

By Anonymous - 22/04/2022 10:00

Today, I’m considering a divorce. My father-in-law has never liked me and is very vocal about that, names like "bastard" and "prick" are common. My wife is normally very headstrong and takes no nonsense, but she lets him treat me this way so she must agree with him. The wedding was only a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 196

Dealbreaker

By trapped - 01/05/2022 21:00 - United States

Today, it’s only been a few months but I’m seriously considering leaving my husband. His kids were fine during weekend visits, but now that they live with us they’ve become absolutely insufferable fucking monsters. He won’t discipline them, and when I try they, tell the most awful lies about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 604

You deserved it 245

Puppy love

By Lovesick - 30/01/2021 01:58 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my husband is furious because I accused him of being in love with my best friend. He talks about her constantly, perks up like a puppy when she comes over, and occasionally only gets erections if I talk about her. Even the kids have noticed how moonstruck he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 901

You deserved it 165

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The Top

Today, I met a really nice guy. He was funny, handsome, and we were both into each other. He told me his name, and when I replied with mine, it came out sounding like "I'm a bear." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 965

You deserved it 16 368

Today, I was at a barbeque with my family, my boyfriend, and some mutual acquaintances. Someone jokingly called my boyfriend a pussy, to which he loudly replied, "I guess I am what I eat!" My mother was sitting across from us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 369

You deserved it 4 194

Today, I'm not going to our family Christmas party due to events last year that caused me to cut off contact with one of my sisters. My entire family is now making me out to be the villain to my 8 year-old, and trying to manipulate my decision with guilt trips. They have reduced me to tears 12 days in a row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 153

Today, my ex hit me up out of the blue, so I texted our mutual friend to tell them what had happened. The friend then told my ex and he got mad, ending with him texting me, “Pop quiz: When’s the last time you took a shower?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 251

Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 427 372

You deserved it 66 974

Today, I finally went to the hospital for a week-long migraine. A few Saturdays ago I went to the park to play frisbee with my friends and coworkers. While climbing a fence, I fell and hit my head twice. Turns out I have a severe concussion and a swollen brain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 708

You deserved it 908