Awkward

Mirage

By No date for me - 06/12/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I spent an entire hour talking to someone at a party. I was feeling a real connection, only to find out halfway through the conversation that she wasn’t actually a guest, she was the caterer who just happened to be really nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 343

You deserved it 223

Or he's a drug mule?

By jlujan00 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I cleaned up the dog poop from around the back yard. This is how I discovered that my dog's favorite snack appears to be used condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 522

You deserved it 3 070

Thanks Mom

By snore - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I was feeling really depressed and ended up asking my mom why guys aren't interested in me. She replied with a laundry list of reasons, including, "Hair. Boobs. Face. Everything." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 101

You deserved it 5 729

Confused

By Anonymous - 04/12/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I mistook my boss’s "Have a good weekend!" for "How’s your weekend?" So I replied, "Great so far!" It’s Wednesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 260

Not worth it

By Anonymous - 03/12/2024 18:00 - United States - Portland

Today, out of the kindness of my heart, and so he wouldn't have to spend any money, I gave my ex-boyfriend my login information to my Vudu account. Big mistake. He logged me out of all devices, changed the password, and won't give me the new login information until I give him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 792

Magnifico

By Vocabulary - 03/12/2024 18:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, making small talk with my coworkers, I said a restaurant I'd tried recently was "superb". They all gave me weird looks, and one said, "Someone's trying too hard to sound smart." Now I've got a rep as a pseudo-intellectual douchebag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 599

You deserved it 130

Safe travels, Grandma

By noyodel - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Italy

Today, I had been planning a family trip for months. My father had all his bags packed, ready to go in the car. He had my grandmother's ashes in his suitcase, and planned to spread them on a mountain. This morning our car was broken into and everything was stolen. The thief stole my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 022

You deserved it 3 466

Ragebait

By Fortunes Fool - 02/12/2024 21:00 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend out to Outback Steakhouse. We went to one outside of town because my wife works at our local one. When we got there, guess who we saw? I forgot she transferred to another location, which just happened to be this one. Goddamit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 1 971

Many such cases

By Anonymous - 02/12/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my grandma told me that if she was a braver person, she would've actually have split up with grandad on their second date, but she was afraid of being alone so she married him instead and had a bunch of kids she never actually wanted. Wow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 107

Honest mistake

By Anonymous - 02/12/2024 03:00 - Australia

Today, I mistook a coworker’s laughter for choking and performed the Heimlich maneuver on them in the break room. They weren’t choking, but now they’re afraid to laugh near me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 529

No good deed, etc.

By Paul - 30/11/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I saw a little kid struggling with a balloon, so I tried to help tie it for her. It popped in my hands, and she started crying. Then her mom came running up, yelling, "What did you do to my daughter?" I had to run away while saying sorry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 148

Baby girl

By Strawberry Shortcake - 30/11/2024 06:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, someone thought I was my boyfriend's daughter, instead of his girlfriend. I'm 4'11", he's 6'2", and this has happened four times already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 147

No thanks for you

By Anonymous - 30/11/2024 03:00 - United States - Marietta

Today, it was Thanksgiving and the first time my boyfriend would be meeting my whole family. He was nervous so he started drinking. By the end of the night, he was belligerently drunk and kissed my aunt twice thinking it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 145

These people walk among us

By Vivky - 29/11/2024 00:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I went on a blind date set up by old college friends. The dude was very nice, then we started reminiscing about our high school and college years. I mentioned people doing stupid challenges, which is when I made fun of the idiots who ate Tide Pods. Turns out he was one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 114

To the end

By Anonymous - 27/11/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend turned down sex because he was watching TV and wanted to know how it ended. The show was probably ten years-old and on Netflix. He could watch it anytime he wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 239

Consolation prize

By my fault for asking - 27/11/2024 06:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I asked my girlfriend of six months to be honest and tell me why she didn't give me a chance at first, two years ago when I first asked her out. I guess I shouldn't have asked, because her response was, "At first I wasn't digging you that hard, but the guys I liked didn't have your personality." FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 498

Toasted

By Nathan - 26/11/2024 15:00 - Australia

Today, I spent an hour preparing a heartfelt speech for my friend’s wedding. I stood up, got emotional, and promptly fainted, spilling a glass of wine all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 156

That'll be a no from me, dawg

By Anonymous - 25/11/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, despite knowing that I hate being the center of attention (and think that public proposals are stupid anyway), my boyfriend popped the question at a crowded hockey game. I threw up all over him, with thousands of people watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 629

You deserved it 153

Yikes

By fashionista1787 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had a creepy old guy with awful body odor in my salon. As I was washing his hair, he brought up how he wants to start a garden, and how a woman's monthly flow weirdly helps to make it grow. Then he asked me if I could save up my used tampons for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 511

You deserved it 2 575

Desperate times

By jeana - 25/11/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I was so desperate to pee that I used the only bathroom in the convenience store I was in, which was “Employees Only.” Well, the door got stuck and I had to get an employee to let me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 338

Small world

By Anonyme - 25/11/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I went to my local grocery store in sweatpants and slippers to pick up some hangover food, thinking I wouldn’t run into anyone I know. I ran into my ex, her new partner, and his parents… twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 320

Tea leaf

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Lafayette

Today, I found the purse that some asshat stole from my 15-year-old sister a few days ago. I found it in my now ex-boyfriend's closet. When I confronted him, he broke up with me for "invading" his privacy and kicked me out, without the purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 767

You deserved it 4 031

It came from outer space

By Martian man - 23/11/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I saw the woman I asked out last month in a relationship with another guy. She rejected me because she “wanted to focus on herself.” I texted her and asked why she had lied to me. She responded with, “Okay, you caught me. But can you blame me? I’m not attracted to butt ugly Martian-looking men.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 743

It's not what you think!

By HenryJ - 22/11/2024 22:00 - Australia

Today, I spilled water on the front of my pants right before a meeting so I tried drying them with the hand dryer in the bathroom. A coworker walked in just as I was awkwardly squatting in front of the machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 148

Woozy

By Dunzo15 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves, so I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview, I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202 826

You deserved it 52 165

You're weird, dude

By Grossed out - 21/11/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, a slightly older guy friend of mine told me that he thinks of me as a little sister. Immediately afterwards, he tried to make out with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 96

No words

By Jaccqui - 20/11/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, I got a call from a lady who said my husband died in a car accident in Miami. My husband is supposed to be at a business trip in North Carolina, so I told her it must be a mistake. Turns out it was all true. He lied about a business trip and went to Miami with his lover, who was the woman who had called me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 84

Tonight, on Blind Dates…

By dateless - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, I went on a blind date. He took one look at me and said, "Well, we might as well get a drink anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 583

You deserved it 2 467

Not so smart

By Jilleanna Montana - 20/11/2024 07:00 - United States - Billings

Today, at 6 a.m. I rolled over in bed causing my smartwatch to vibrate with an alert that it had detected a hard fall. Ten seconds after I dismissed the alert, I heard a voice from my watch with the dreaded words, "911, what's your emergency?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 147

You know, what's his face?

By Randy - 19/11/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I was talking with a coworker about movie actors. I was trying to remember Forest Whitaker’s name and I blurted out, “the droopy-eyed King of Scotland.” Boy, did I get some looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 178

You deserved it 283

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The Top

Today, my 4-year-old son is distraught. This morning we saw a man, dressed as Santa, passed out drunk on a public bench. My son is now convinced that it was his corpse, and that Santa Claus is dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 449

You deserved it 1 971

Today, I lit a cigarette in the opposite direction of the wind. My hair blew into it, and caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 921

You deserved it 60 317

Today, I stabbed myself in the nipple with scissors trying to cut an opening in the supposedly hands-free pumping bra I just bought. I breastfeed my 5-day-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 355

Today, I didn't want to get sand in my shoes, so I walked down to the beach barefoot. The sand was so hot that it burned the soles of my feet. I now have blisters across the bottom of my feet and between my toes… but at least there's no sand in my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 510

You deserved it 5 022

Today, I accidentally hit my dad in the eye with our dead dog's squeaky toy. He cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 269

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me when his so-called "ways to turn me on" didn't work. What were these ways? Flicking my nips and inserting his finger in my belly button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 281

You deserved it 552