Middle Age Divorced Dad · 23 November 2023, 00:02 ·Canada

So many questions…

Today, I finally got my son to go for a run. He broke his neck 4 months ago and has been playing video games the entire time. I was a competitive runner once and run everyday. He kicked my ass, 21 minutes for the first 5k and he sped up. He was back playing video games when I finally got home. I think I lost a lung on the trails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 203 You deserved it 651

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Alyssssssa · 22 November 2023, 22:00

Going viral has its cost

Today, I was with my friends doing TikTok dance moves. Mid-spin, I crashed into the coffee table, knocking over a bowl of chips and salsa. My attempt at a graceful recovery ended with me tripping over the salsa-covered rug and landing face-first into the spilled mess. My friends filmed the entire debacle "for the Tok." FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 You deserved it 730

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·Houston, United States

Family values

Today, my future father-in-law showed everyone a picture of his poop because it was "shaped like a banana." My fiancé's whole family thought it was funny and "looked more like a banana than last time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 175 You deserved it 4 435

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Anonymous · 22 November 2023, 18:00 ·Madrid, Spain

Late fee

Today, I woke up earlier to food prep for lunch later. Just as I was preparing the ingredients, I dropped a thick glass saucer on the kitchen counter and it shattered like a hail storm - everywhere in the kitchen. I ended up spending more time cleaning it out and obviously logged in to work later than usual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424 You deserved it 134

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IKEA SUCKS · 22 November 2023, 16:00

Step by step

Today, I attempted to assemble a piece of furniture that boasted "easy, step-by-step instructions." Three hours later, surrounded by mismatched screws and a confusing diagram, I realized the only thing "easy" about it was my decision to ask my dad to come round and assemble it for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 196 You deserved it 429

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Username · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

Sigma mindset

Today, I was pulled over for speeding and was shocked that the cop asked me out. Before I could respond, he noticed my wedding ring, said "Nevermind" and then gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 923 You deserved it 5 650

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ItsYou · 22 November 2023, 10:00

Narcissist Mom

Today, my coworker was going on and on about how her son was nice and got good grades but that she needed to find him a therapist because he's too shy in class, and how she didn't want her friends to think badly of her. She's a counselor. I sat in silence for almost an hour, because all I could think was, "WTF? Poor kid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 481 You deserved it 113

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Sleepy · 22 November 2023, 07:30 ·New Zealand

Alexa, play "Mind Games" by John Lennon

Today, I woke up to the realization that I had slept through my alarm, missed a crucial work meeting, and dreamt that I was the CEO of a company that manufactured alarm clocks. I now fear that my subconscious is mocking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476 You deserved it 158

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snakeboy · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·Australia

Snek

Today, for the first time in about 3 years, I decided to clean my car. It was going really well until I looked down at what I was about to pick up. On the back seat floor lay a dead snake, which at one point, for God knows how long, was living in my car while I unknowingly drove it around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 663 You deserved it 48 239

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Notmyfault · 22 November 2023, 02:30

Easy mistake to make

Today, I almost got in trouble at work, all because I inadvertently referred to a 19 year-old patient’s 47 year-old husband as her father. I didn’t know this until she got so upset that she threw a tantrum, filed a complaint against me, and requested another nurse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720 You deserved it 112

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Anonymous · 22 November 2023, 00:01

Vengeance is mine

Today, I wouldn’t let my sister borrow my car, so she told our parents that I’m depressed and threatened to kill myself, which is a lie. My mom is on the phone to 999 trying to get me a 72-hour psychiatric hold in hospital, and every time I say it was a lie, my dad says I’m in typical denial. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673 You deserved it 110

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Anonymous · 21 November 2023, 22:00 ·Frederick, United States

All fall down

Today, I tried to go rollerskating with my kids. I wasn’t even able to fully stand up before I fell and broke my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490 You deserved it 150

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anonymous · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·Westwood, United States

Help yourself

Today, I witnessed a car accident. Being an experienced paramedic, I rushed to the scene to see if anyone needed help. As I assessed the people involved, one of them pickpocketed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 238 You deserved it 2 161

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lukey101 · 21 November 2023, 18:00 ·Brisbane, Australia

How nice

Today, my mother mentioned she thought I was Unit 11, and not the correct Unit 1, in my building. I then remembered my last anonymous Valentine’s Day card was addressed to me, but at Unit 11. So my “Secret Admirer” of many years is actually my mother taking pity on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 574 You deserved it 123

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Defeated by cups · 21 November 2023, 16:00 ·United States

Kitchen nightmare

Today, I tried to get a cup from the designated cabinet. As soon as I opened it, a glass cup fell down, which I narrowly saved from breaking by having it bounce off my foot. Obviously, that didn't feel good. But you know what also didn't feel good? The travel mug falling on my head immediately afterward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436 You deserved it 134

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Anonymous · 21 November 2023, 14:00

Nice break

Today, my parents went on holiday less than two hours ago. They’re probably still in the airport, and not even on the plane yet. In those two hours I spilled milk on dad's armchair, broke a door handle off a kitchen cupboard, and stepped on and broke the cat's tail so I’m now in the vet's waiting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 244 You deserved it 591

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·London, United Kingdom

Out of my mind

Today, I underwent surgery and feeling rather groggy upon being awoken, I very loudly declared, "I've always had a thing for doctors. Kiss me?" then promptly giggled, tried to launch myself in a random doctor's arms and fell flat on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 804 You deserved it 5 144

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Anonymous · 21 November 2023, 10:00 ·Wacol, Australia

Reminder

Today, I was running a D&D game. I invited my nephew to come along to try and distract him, as his brother took his life two weeks ago. Stupidly, I had only skimmed through the module I was running (as I run multiple) and didn't realise that today's session involved gallows. Guess how his brother took his life? FML

I agree, your life sucks 469 You deserved it 331

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Anonymous · 21 November 2023, 07:30

Annoyingly ingenious

Today, my son's laziness has now reached such a low that he now can’t be bothered to drink his pop from a glass, he just sets up the big pop bottle next to his bed and drinks it through a flexible, two metre long rubber tube. I’d be impressed at the ingenuity if I weren’t so mad at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 402 You deserved it 189

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BoyRacer · 21 November 2023, 05:00

Baby you can't drive your car

Today, I picked up my first ever brand new car. Top of the line, beautiful, can't be happier. However, trying to insure it, the company has taken my money, but not completed the deal, and therefore I'm not insured. Their customer service knows this in an online fault and I have to wait for them to refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444 You deserved it 99

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Shiva · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·Niort, France

Bad boy

Today, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 806 You deserved it 9 682

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Angelica · 21 November 2023, 00:00

Have a nice day!

Today, a customer told me to go to the “fucking border back to illegal immigrant land” and that he can’t wait to “put Trump back in office” so he can get rid of “incompetent ass Mexican bitches” like me. What did I do to cause this? Tell him that we were out of a sauce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686 You deserved it 133

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Anonymous · 20 November 2023, 21:00

WTF doc?

Today, my doctor confirmed I’m pregnant, but she phrased it as, “I’ve got some bad news for you, you’re pregnant.” I could be wrong but should a health professional automatically assume a pregnancy is unwanted? Plus she’s spent months helping us with fertility advice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 629 You deserved it 147

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Janet · 20 November 2023, 18:30 ·United States

Chilled

Today, as suggested by the my therapist, I tried practicing mindfulness meditation while on a break at work to reduce stress. Midway through my deep breaths, I accidentally let out a loud and unexpected snore. My coworkers now think I've taken my relaxation techniques to a whole new level. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370 You deserved it 150

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BlueMacaw · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·Lake Elsinore, United States

Use the force

Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd been going to for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 464 You deserved it 4 708

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Anonymous · 20 November 2023, 12:00 ·Swansea, United Kingdom

Polly wanna latte

Today, I thought I'd make my own coffee at home to save money. As I was grinding the beans, my flatmate's pet parrot decided to join the party and imitate the noise of the coffee grinder. For an hour. I ended up with a headache, a half-finished cup of coffee, and a parrot that now thinks it's a barista. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482 You deserved it 174

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Anonymous · 20 November 2023, 09:00 ·Lindenhurst, United States

Little shit

Today, I gave a toast at my close friend's wedding. The bride's little cousin snuck up behind me and unzipped my dress. As I ended my speech with, "To a night we will never forget!", my dress fell all the way down. I was quick. People's phones were quicker. Well, they won't forget my undies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 650 You deserved it 98

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Anonymous · 20 November 2023, 06:00

Growing old gracefully

Today, my youngest sister was Snapchatting a new guy and sent him a selfie with me in it. He responded, “Is that your mom?” I’m 26.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 512 You deserved it 125

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PISSED · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·Germany

Dad pranks '09

Today, I finally got a date with one of the hottest girls in school, a perfect 10. Just before I go to pick her up to go to the movies, I called her to find out where she lives. She answered the phone, only to hear my father yelling in the background, "STOP TALKING TO THAT WHORE." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 690 You deserved it 5 313

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Abbyyyy · 20 November 2023, 00:00

Let me down gently

Today, I was in the park making out with a guy I’m seeing when I heard a familiar voice say, “Abby?” It was the guy who was trying to get with me for months but I told him I wasn’t ready for a relationship, rather than tell him that he was too ugly for me. If looks could kill… FML

I agree, your life sucks 176 You deserved it 1 011

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