Anonymous · 4 May 2024, 12:00 ·Oxford, United States

Out of the blue

Today, on my last day of vacation with my family, and after moving my kid back home after their college graduation, I received a text message from my supervisor that said, “Hello, your services are no longer needed" and that they would pack up my desk and mail it to me. I can’t get anyone to explain why or even answer me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 579 You deserved it 99

6 comments Share

No comment (pun not intended) · 4 May 2024, 09:00 ·United States

Frustrating

Today, Facebook severely restricted my account, all because I edited a comment too many times. Apparently, all of the vile shit I see on that website every day is perfectly okay, but editing a comment is not. Some mental gymnastics right here. First world problem, I know, but very frustrating nonetheless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391 You deserved it 171

3 comments Share

Anonymous · 4 May 2024, 06:00 ·Canada

My finest hour

Today, I finally conquered my fear of spiders by catching one in a cup and releasing it outside. Feeling proud of my bravery, I proudly showed my accomplishment to my roommate, only to realize it wasn't a spider but a piece of lint. I screamed louder than I would have for a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322 You deserved it 214

2 comments Share

ohgosh1428 · This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff ·Las Vegas, United States

Pull yourself together

Today, in Las Vegas, after taking my drunk dad and his drunk friend to their respective hotel rooms, I realised that I, despite being 16 years-old, am the responsible one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 274 You deserved it 255

5 comments Share

Anonymous · 4 May 2024, 00:00 ·United States

Love is hell

Today, as I recently starting having a huge crush on this one guy, my friend told me she told him about the crush, and that he reacted positively. I made a move, only to find out he has a partner. I've tried distancing myself to get over him but he befriended all my friends and is now in our group chat, and the crush has only intensified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446 You deserved it 145

1 comment Share

Anonymous · 3 May 2024, 22:00 ·United States

Demon child

Today, my Scout troop was to work on my Eagle project. We specifically told everyone where to be and when, except one annoying kid we don't want there. His mother pawns him off on us because he's an aggressive, violent little maggot who can't be trusted with a Fisher-Price screwdriver. Guess who showed up anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435 You deserved it 160

3 comments Share

Kamilah · 3 May 2024, 20:00 ·Fort Lauderdale, United States

Petty

Today, I learned that my husband “accidentally” let the dog out and allowed her to be eaten by an alligator because I got a male coworker, who is also a good friend of mine, a birthday present. We had an argument about our friendship, which apparently bothers him. I’d had that dog since I was a junior in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891 You deserved it 152

14 comments Share

Anonymous · 3 May 2024, 16:00 ·United States

Quite the catch

Today, and for over week, one of my nostrils has been stuffed to the point I can't breathe through it. I tried nasal spray and blowing it out, but nothing worked. I wanted to go to the doctor but first, I used a flashlight and a pair of tweezers. The giant, crusted booger bullet I pulled out was as long as my palm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451 You deserved it 122

5 comments Share

Perry Winkle · 3 May 2024, 14:00 ·United States

Forever alone

Today, all I wanted was to spend some time with my husband, since we're always very busy. He couldn't be bothered to put down his video game. Guess I'm forever alone, even in a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508 You deserved it 155

3 comments Share

Anonymous · 3 May 2024, 12:00 ·United Kingdom

Chilling

Today, my parents went on holiday, finally, and since I’m always freezing I took the opportunity to actually turn up the temperature on the boiler. Not 30 seconds later my dad called pissed and told me either I turn it back down or he’s coming home from Spain to kick my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479 You deserved it 210

4 comments Share

Anonymous · 3 May 2024, 09:00 ·United States

Nope, just nope

Today, I met up with a guy from Bumble for a first date. An hour in, he asks me, "What's your take on body odor?" He proceeds to tell me about his intimate relationship with his body odor and how his armpits take on the scents of his lovers' lady bits. He added that the "essence" of his ex often returns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 589 You deserved it 78

4 comments Share

Anonymous · 3 May 2024, 06:00 ·United Kingdom

Prank wars

Today, I managed to scare my wife by walking round the corner on my way to the bathroom. Somehow this scared her so bad, she decided she’s done with my shit and wants a divorce. I just needed to pee. I never play pranks on her, so how can she tired of pranks. What did I do wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 621 You deserved it 114

9 comments Share

Pooping · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·Aldergrove, Canada

C'mon man!

Today, while I was at work, a coworker began ranting about his theory that the government is going to create a disease that sterilises everyone, and use the antidote to control the population. I was just trying to take a crap in the stall next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 296 You deserved it 2 006

83 comments Share

Anonymous · 3 May 2024, 00:00 ·Harrisburg, United States

Take a chance on me

Today, my family keeps pestering me about whether I've contacted my father yet. My father, the one who treated me and my family like crap throughout my upbringing and cheated on my mom a few years ago. I don't know why they think I'd ever want to see him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473 You deserved it 98

3 comments Share

Anonymous · 2 May 2024, 22:00 ·Bay Shore, United States

Framed

Today, I tried joining a Roblox game, only to discover I was banned. According to the game's creator, it was because I'd exploited on an alt. The alt was an account intentionally impersonating me in order to frame me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432 You deserved it 121

1 comment Share

NotStephanie · 2 May 2024, 20:00 ·Bellefontaine, United States

Hallowed be thy name

Today, I woke up to my significant other talking in his sleep and soulfully professing his love for Stephanie. My name is not Stephanie. The only Stephanie he knows is a girl he worked at a hotel with over 10 years ago. He has done this at least twice a week since then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 500 You deserved it 125

6 comments Share

heyadrian · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·Gardena, United States

Misconstrued

Today, I went to a family reunion. I laughed at my uncle's Sylvester Stallone impression. Turns out he had a stroke a while back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 928 You deserved it 16 781

111 comments Share

Anonymous · 2 May 2024, 16:00 ·United States

Entitlement

Today, despite the fact that we are well off and desperate to be parents, my sister refuses to let us adopt her unborn baby, and intends to “raise him on her own.” We earn twice what she does and have been trying to conceive or adopt for 7 years, and she doesn’t even have a husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140 You deserved it 2 618

25 comments Share

No good deed... · 2 May 2024, 14:00 ·United States

Rabies ain't no joke

Today, a coyote turned up in the yard where my son and his friend were playing. It was aggressive and foaming at the mouth, so I called the boys inside, and shot it. Now my wife is scared of me and half the neighborhood wants me gone for "dangerous behavior." FML

I agree, your life sucks 706 You deserved it 152

6 comments Share

Anonymous · 2 May 2024, 12:00 ·Warren, United States

Fantasy shopping

Today, I logged into our family's shared Amazon account to buy some gift cards for Mother's Day. I nearly had a heart attack when I saw the cart already had 6 items in it. Turns out my forgetful stepbrother was debating on what gazebo to buy and forgot to take the items out of the cart. Why'd he put them in there though? FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 You deserved it 409

5 comments Share

NotInMyClick · 2 May 2024, 09:00 ·Glide, United States

The real housewives of FML

Today, a girl I despise from our group of best girlfriends, who just moved in with another, has showed her true colors. I smelled her bipolar disorder in our group interactions and took a step back, but was afraid to say something to the two other girls like, hey, she's unstable. Now she thinks she's in the group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 You deserved it 641

8 comments Share

Anonymous · 2 May 2024, 06:00 ·United States

That's so sick!

Today, I found out my wife of 5 years, with whom we have three kids, is actually my cousin. At a family dinner someone had pointed out how much she looks like my uncle. We laughed until she mentioned that she was adopted from the same town my uncle's ex-wife had a baby. A few questions and a blood test later, we all learned the sick truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711 You deserved it 113

2 comments Share

Big_gulps_huh · This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff ·Minneapolis, United States

Shy guy

Today, I realized I am more confident running a million-dollar piece of construction equipment than I am around people of the opposite sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 936 You deserved it 554

8 comments Share

Anonymous · 2 May 2024, 00:00 ·United States

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Today, I noticed mold on my toothbrush. I have no idea how long it's been like that. I told my husband about it via text, and all he could say was, "Welp... ew." We've had a mold problem for years and I'm constantly sick. I also mentioned this and he sent me a shrugging emoji. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392 You deserved it 167

2 comments Share

Anonymous · 1 May 2024, 22:00 ·United States

Gummied up

Today, I ate one Benefiber gummy and spent half the day and good chunk of the night in misery with an upset stomach, where it felt like a lump was in it, as well as aggressive and painful gas, and painful diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 357 You deserved it 119

2 comments Share

Anonymous · 1 May 2024, 20:00 ·United Kingdom

Typical family

Today, I'd always wanted a baby girl, so much so I wound up with four boys before deciding I couldn’t handle another pregnancy. The eldest two hate their dad, the youngest two hate me, and all four of them hate each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 235 You deserved it 708

4 comments Share

Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·East Carondelet, United States

I quit!

Today, I'm babysitting kids whose parents said they would be back by 12. Its 4 a.m. and they still aren't home. I don't get paid enough for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 008 You deserved it 2 249

65 comments Share

Anonymous · 1 May 2024, 16:00 ·Lenoir, United States

It's complicated

Today, I found out that my ex-boyfriend, whom I'd been in love with since I was 19, wants to be back with his baby momma. His dad, after finding out that he has cancer, offered to marry me and adopt my kids to collect his SSI checks in case he dies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461 You deserved it 148

2 comments Share

._. · 1 May 2024, 14:00 ·United States

The more the merrier

Today, I found out my niece will born in about two weeks. That's nice, right? It is… except for the fact that there will now be FIVE people in my family with a birthday in May. As if trying to plan for four birthday parties in three weeks wasn't bad enough. Why not five? FML

I agree, your life sucks 185 You deserved it 487

7 comments Share

Ugly · 1 May 2024, 12:00 ·United States

No rizz whatsoever

Today, right now, I can say one thing for certain: Despite not knowing exactly what it means to be conventionally attractive, I still know for a fact I'm the exact opposite of that. People have told me that I look homeless. I shudder to think of how I'd look if I were actually homeless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 382 You deserved it 137

4 comments Share