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By candymansvan17 - 17/08/2011 21:50 - United States

Today, I had a cop pull me over because he claimed that he saw me taking a bunch of colorful pills at the previous stop sign. I was eating skittles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 483

You deserved it 3 240

By OpenWide - 24/11/2009 03:22 - United States

Today, I went on a date and it was going great. When we got our meals, he told me I had to try what he was having, and he fed me a bite. I said something like "oh that was cute" and he replied with "I was just trying to see how big your mouth is." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 683

You deserved it 4 181

OpenWide tells us more.

OpenWide 0

Wednesday 2 December 2009 18:45

I actually laughed at the time. Probably because I didn't know what to say. I can take a joke so I went out with him a few more times but the forwardness continued so I ended it... And he never got to find out just how big my mouth really is

By catattack78 - 21/10/2010 14:48 - United States

Today, I was walking down my very steep basement stairs when I fell and rolled all the way down but luckily I didn't hurt anything. While walking back up around the very last stair, my cat jumped out on me, causing me to roll all the way back down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 321

You deserved it 4 027

By Anonymous - 24/05/2019 20:07

Today, I spilled grape juice on my new white shirt. I bleached it and scrubbed it until there was nothing left to see. I threw it on, ready to dart out of the door, when my dad walks in after fixing the lawnmower and puts his greasy hand right on my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 002

You deserved it 172

By SkeetinKeaton - 05/06/2013 15:24 - United States

Today, I let my step-father know exactly what I thought of him. After a few moments of awkward silence, he leaned towards me and quietly whispered, "Well you're adopted. Your parents never loved you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 068

You deserved it 14 532

By Anonymous - 04/06/2013 07:11 - United States - Rainier

Today, I received a prank phone call that woke me up. I actually kept them on the line because they were the first person to call me in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 346

You deserved it 6 159

By Anonymous - 11/08/2011 17:58 - Vietnam

Today, I checked into a hotel because my boss had assigned me to a new position. As soon as the reception lady looked up, she had me kicked out of the hotel. Apparently, one of the regulations is, "No prostitutes allowed." I was wearing a business suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 847

You deserved it 4 368

By fail - 19/11/2009 06:10 - Australia

Today, whilst singing at school in front of 300 visiting primary school children I forgot the second verse to my song and let out an F*** word with the microphone still up to my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 372

You deserved it 39 595

By arther - 03/06/2019 02:05

Today, I got up at 3:15 a.m. to be ready for work at 5 a.m. I get to my work station to find absolutely no work to do. After talking with my boss, I was sent home with no pay. If I'd been employed there 3 weeks longer, I would've been paid for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 775

You deserved it 157

Happy for you

By pissed - 04/05/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, I was on Facebook looking at pictures of my boyfriend, who was in his friend's wedding this past weekend. He said that none of the girlfriends could come because it would cost too much for the couple. I spent the weekend alone, and all his friend's girlfriends are in the pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 185

You deserved it 4 996

By iliku - 01/06/2019 02:00

Today, I was having a romantic evening with my new boyfriend, until we walked into my bedroom and discovered that my cat had ripped apart my pads and had spread them all over the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 522

You deserved it 239

By regstl - 01/06/2013 06:21 - United States - Beaverton

Today, as I was getting out of my car, an old and obese lady walked up to me and called me an "inconsiderate heartless bitch" for using the last handicap parking spot. I guess she didn't see my wheelchair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 235

You deserved it 3 326

Great mom you got there

By Anonymous - 13/02/2021 05:01

Today, I felt an intense pain in my abdomen, so my mom drove me to the hospital. When we were in the waiting room, she rudely said, "It's probably an STD since you're such a slut." And then she left me there. It was a kidney infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 165

You deserved it 179

It's not a competition, but still…

By Shooter71 - 16/10/2010 04:09 - France

Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 373

You deserved it 3 828

By ihatespiders - 05/08/2014 12:31 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I asked my 8-year-old daughter to kill a house spider for me. I am a 42-year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 835

You deserved it 18 869

By Ljiljka - 01/08/2014 14:37 - Serbia - Belgrade

Today, I had to explain to my father why it isn't a good idea to shove a metal knife into the toaster when trying to get at a small piece of toast. This man is 45-years-old and has a PhD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 932

You deserved it 3 783

Ljiljka tells us more.

Ljiljka 9

Tuesday 5 August 2014 23:44

Hey there, OP here! For those of you asking, he has a PhD in biology. He's done crazier and much more dangerous things than this, trust me. If you guys have any other questions, feel free to ask!

By PuppyLove2009 - 13/11/2009 18:34 - United States

Today, I came home after a two week vacation to find that my wonderful dog had pooped and peed all over my room. My mother was kind enough to dog-sit; however, instead of helping me by cleaning up the horrid mess, she just left me coupons for Glade plug-in air fresheners. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 053

You deserved it 3 876

By Anonymous - 13/06/2019 00:30

Today, we went to a nice place by a river to have a BBQ. Someone then asked if we could move the fireplace somewhere else, so we went to check another spot. We came back to find a dog had eaten all the meat we'd brought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 522

You deserved it 905

American cuisine

By Nill - 31/07/2023 03:00

Today, my girlfriend was cooking dinner. To my horror, she took the chicken out and immediately began scrubbing it with dish soap. When I asked what the hell she was doing, she stared at me like I was insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 098

You deserved it 122

All mixed up

By Jill - 02/08/2023 18:00

Today, after finding out that I'd slept with our married neighbor, I found out my husband had slept with him too as revenge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 1 100

Asshat

By Julissa - 25/02/2021 00:30

Today, I got a call from my husband, saying that he wants a divorce, he’s been seeing his colleague and that she’s more compatible to him. I’ve just given birth to out first child. He told me, "Aww, good luck with that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 956

You deserved it 125

By whoawhat - 11/11/2009 06:55 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store where I work to pick up my pay check. After I got it, I headed back to the dorms to take a quick nap before Chemistry later. I woke up, and my check was gone. I later found it. In the form of a text from my roommate saying he gambled away 'our' money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 577

You deserved it 4 037

By Anonymous - 19/05/2013 17:35 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I reconnected with my best friend from childhood, and after a tearful confession, found out that for most of my engagement to my husband, she was repeatedly connecting with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 862

You deserved it 3 144

By lookbothways - 06/10/2010 00:38 - United States

Today, I was walking to work through a bad part of town. A man yelled something at me, but knowing what part of town I was in, I ignored him and kept walking. Two seconds later I got hit by a car. Turns out, he was trying to warn me about the car coming right towards me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 157

You deserved it 38 823

cantthink123 tells us more.

cantthink123 12

Wednesday 6 October 2010 18:24

I'm the OP - just to let you know, I'm a young girl in my 20's, so I generally try to be careful in high crime areas. If that makes me a bad person, then okay. I was crossing the street from one side, and the road curved so I couldn't see the car coming. The guy was on the other side of the road. I'm fine now, I was only in the hospital for a couple of hours, broken leg and a couple of stitches.

By sofargone420 - 29/07/2011 14:27 - United States

Today, I was in a restroom sitting on the toilet, when the guy right next to me noticed my AC/DC boxers around my ankles and started to sing "Back in Black." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 616

You deserved it 10 532