The Top

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By whatswrongwithit?:( - 30/09/2012 19:37 - United States - Chicago

Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 527

You deserved it 3 682

By stitchesupmyass - 01/11/2011 21:50 - United States

Today, I got my period. Last week, I fell out of a window and landed between my legs on a bush; I have massive swelling down there, and stitches over the ripped flesh. Now I'm bleeding out my period on top of the lingering wounds down there. It hurts even to pee, let alone menstruate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 795

You deserved it 4 692

By Really? - 10/07/2010 14:57 - United States

Today, I lost my job because I was late. I was late because I had no alarm. I had no alarm because my roommate got mad and broke my phone when I beat her at scrabble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 872

You deserved it 6 426

By SMS123 - 25/06/2010 19:42 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 504

You deserved it 4 797

By wallamanut - 14/12/2014 07:50 - United States - Portland

Today, my parents decided to finally kick me out of the house because they've gotten tired of seeing me "sleep around all day and being so lazy" whenever I'm home. I'm currently triple-shifting for 6 days a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 930

You deserved it 2 864

Pretend

By Anonymous - 01/09/2013 16:34 - United States - Washington

Today, my girlfriend tried to get me to wear curly wig, so I could pretend to be Harry Styles in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 799

You deserved it 6 973

The trail

By Anonymous - 10/01/2010 10:45 - Canada

Today, I was wondering why my home smelled so weird, until I found out that my 4 year old son had been secretly scattering around food he didn't like to eat throughout the house. How did I find out? No one else in this family leaves half eaten spinach all over my underwear drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 893

You deserved it 3 902

By crappy_day - 09/01/2010 02:09 - United States

Today, as I went to the bathroom in a port-a-potty at a park, I forgot to lock the door. A little girl opens the door and then slams it right away. As she walked away I heard her say "no, there's a man in there". I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 628

You deserved it 5 791

Weekend Plans

By FML Videos - 26/10/2018 18:30

Nopenopenopenopenope.

I agree, your life sucks 253

You deserved it 71

Pros and cons

By Diane Princess - 08/01/2022 20:01

Today, the guy I picked up made me bacon and a bagel for breakfast. I was so turned on by this gesture that we did it again in my kitchenette… Only this time, I was farting uncontrollably because I have celiac disease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 562

You deserved it 518

By graciegold95 - 06/12/2014 16:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my daughter decided it'd be funny to change the time on my clock. My boss didn't think it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 925

You deserved it 2 954

Not the expected outcome

By Emm - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my family threw me a surprise party. I was so surprised, I punched my mom in the face when she screamed, "SURPRISE!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 134

You deserved it 21 020

By noluckwhatsoever - 06/01/2010 16:44 - United States

Today, after months of job hunting, I got a call back for a position. I was outside at the time and had no pen or paper available to write the address down. I told the guy to call me back in 5 minutes and he agreed. It's been 3 hours and still no call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 031

You deserved it 30 546

PMS FML

By sarah - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to the store to pick up some tampons. After waiting in line for about 10 minutes, the male cashier looked at me as I was leaving and said, "Have a nice… week!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 448

You deserved it 5 245

By pinkplasticjesus - 20/06/2009 03:17 - Canada

Today, I went to a restaurant and only brought $14 with me to eat. I ordered and ate my meal, then went to the counter to pay for it. I threw $2 into the tip jar then got my bill. My bill was $13.86. I had to reach into the tip jar and take my $2 back so I could pay for my meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 307

You deserved it 56 085

By LizzyJones - 20/08/2013 17:38 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my husband bought me a present for our three year anniversary. It was a pack of 20 cigarettes. I don't smoke. He does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 207

You deserved it 8 991

By insomniac - 19/06/2009 06:41 - United States

Today, I was finally going to fall asleep at a decent hour. Having insomnia, I generally get about 2 hours of sleep. Right as I'm about to fall asleep, 5 firetrucks decide to drive right in front of my house with the sirens/lights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 341

You deserved it 4 748

By continuouslyaddingdebt - 14/01/2017 22:00

Today, in an attempt to keep my valuables safe, I snatched my PlayStation 4 controller from the hands of my 4-year-old nephew. Not knowing that it was connected, I ultimately yanked the PlayStation and the HD Flatscreen flat on their faces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 100

You deserved it 7 917

The cheek of some people

By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 14:02

Today, the girl my ex-husband cheated on me with, and left me for, called me and asked for money to bail him out of jail. She asked me because I have my own business and I'm financially stable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 520

You deserved it 125

Welcome to the family

By this is why I drink! - 27/12/2021 22:59

Today, I reluctantly agreed to bring my boyfriend home to meet my family. He said he wasn’t easily scared and could handle a “weird” family. Two hours later, there was a massive brawl when one uncle hit the other’s wife after she threw wine in his face. Tables were flipped, cops were called. Shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 392

You deserved it 155

By asdfghjkl - 18/12/2010 19:14 - United States

Today, I saw Saw IV with my boyfriend. He held me close and said, "I'll protect you." A few seconds later, he jumped up so violently, he gave me a bloody nose, and ran screaming out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 347

You deserved it 3 938

By Bathroom Problems - 02/01/2010 19:24 - France

Today, while at work I went to use the public restroom because I had a severe case of diarrhea. All went well until the timed sensor lights went off and I couldn't leave my stall to get them back on. I sat there for thirty minutes in pure darkness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 742

You deserved it 3 941

Squeeze

By ShutUp007 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I learned that if life gives you lemons, your sister is going to squeeze them over your face while you take a nap on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 668

You deserved it 2 532

By lawman - 15/08/2013 13:34 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my dad, under threats of disowning me, insisted that I offer my sister a job in my company. I run my own law firm, she is a hairdresser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 801

You deserved it 3 550

Boozehound

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I was refused employment at a liquor store. Their reason? I'm a regular customer and they're afraid I'll drink all their profits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 585

You deserved it 21 763

By Anonymous - 30/12/2009 17:47 - United States

Today, I realized the closest thing I have to guys hitting on me are the ones who ask to be my friend on Call of Duty because I have the word "girl" in my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 398

You deserved it 6 946

By dumbass1991 - 12/12/2010 19:36 - United States

Today, I was messing around on my laptop by drawing on the screen with a marker pen. When it came time to clean it off, it wouldn't budge. Now I have a full beard and mustache etched permanently on my computer screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 141

You deserved it 121 895

Strung out

By bdjsbskl - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was at work as a cashier. An old lady unbagged everything I had, and angrily "taught" me how to bag. She put potatoes on her eggs and broke them. She then screamed that I was useless and retarded in front of all my other customers and manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 139

You deserved it 2 415

Booze-fuelled family drama

By Anonymous - 08/02/2022 11:59

Today, I found out that the man I called grandpa for 40 years is really my dad. My drunk aunt spilled the beans. Her exact words were, "My dad is a better dad to you than he EVER was to me! You never wondered why he treated you better than his other grandchildren? You're his son!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 184

You deserved it 98

Sorry guys

By pukathlon - 10/12/2010 17:21 - United States

Today, I was taking the bus back to my university campus, having left work early feeling sick. While on the bus I started retching. I managed to hold it in for a while, but as I stood up to get off the bus, I started puking through my mouth and nose. This was in front of twenty other passengers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 249

You deserved it 3 007

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The Top

Today, the guy I like finally called to ask me to go grab a drink with him. I just moved six hours away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 478

You deserved it 1 300

Today, I found the engagement ring I'd bought and been missing for a week. On my girlfriend's hand. While my childhood friend was inside her. They apparently like pretending she's married while doing this. They made this self-discovery a week ago. Good for them. I don't want the ring back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 970

You deserved it 1 765

Today, I overheard my mum tell my sister that she should make me a bridesmaid at her wedding. My sister scoffed, "She looks like Shamu, mum. I can't have THAT in my wedding pics." followed by laughter and my mum saying, "Touché." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 067

You deserved it 6 801

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend in town. We broke up a year ago because he "moved" to Florida. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 528

You deserved it 4 559

Today, while walking through the fragrance area in a shopping center a women behind me asked; "Excuse me miss, would you like to sample our new fragrance line." I'm a 19 year old male. I turned around expecting her to correct herself. She didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 208

You deserved it 6 733

Today, my mom yelled at me in the store so loudly and for so long, a crowd began to form. The reason? I didn’t know how much milk we had left at home. I don’t drink milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 194

You deserved it 118