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By efffmylife - 15/02/2009 21:27 - United States

Today, I went to a fastfood restaurant to pick up food for my work party. I ordered 250 chicken fingers, 15 orders of fries, and 2 gallons of tea, and the guy behind the counter asked, "Is this for here or to go?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 992

You deserved it 7 121

efffmylife tells us more.

efffmylife 0

Monday 16 February 2009 2:44

yeahhh it was at canes! and im a girl btw. and i thought the heftyness was implied... that is why it is an FML

By eyes wide SHIT - 28/12/2013 01:37 - Australia

Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 044

You deserved it 5 965

Turbulence

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Spring Hope

Today, I am sitting next to a guy who very clearly has lice crawling on his head. It's a six hour flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 019

You deserved it 3 161

The bobs and vagene guy

By Anonymous - 30/07/2021 04:01 - Australia

Today, ever since I let my boyfriend touch my boobs, he thinks it's appropriate to grope me whenever he feels like it. Even talking to him about it doesn't seem to stop him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 164

You deserved it 230

Mismatched

By AlexSnower - 12/04/2020 02:00

Today, I'm trying to get over my OCD by wearing 2 different shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 249

You deserved it 448

Stuck in a rut

By Anonymous - 16/04/2020 20:00

Today, I realised my wife has been slowly phasing out most elements of our previously active and inventive sex life. These days, it's missionary once a month or she tells me to whack one off by myself in the bathroom. When did we get so boring? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 177

You deserved it 344

Priceless

By Anonymous - 04/11/2022 05:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I got back from my honeymoon. Return flights from Australia to New Zealand? $1,800. A week’s accomodation in another country? $1,500. Busting my new husband finger banging a barmaid by the public pool? Fucking priceless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 120

You deserved it 206

He's got game

By Anonymous - 07/03/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom - Portsmouth

Today, I caught my son sneaking a woman out of his room at 5 a.m. After she was gone, I started with the questions, one of which was, “Well, what’s her name?” His response was, “No idea, I only met her last week.” I’ve raised one of “those guys.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 430

You deserved it 223

Caught in the act

By darkrebel01 - 21/04/2020 02:00

Today, I found out how fast my dad's reaction speed is. I was coming downstairs and sat next to my dad on the couch to show him something I did in a class. He was on an adult website and didn't notice I was coming into the room until I was sitting next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 763

You deserved it 242

Spooky

By Anonymous - 29/04/2020 17:00

Today, I work as a RGN in an old victorian-style nursing home. Due to Covid-19, we've lost many residents, one passing just the night prior while I was with him. This morning, the TV turned on its own at nearly 4 a.m. in the lounge, and one of the HCAs reported stuff falling off in the corridor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 712

You deserved it 174

By TrophyGirlfriend - 17/08/2009 05:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was fired. After breaking the news, he also broke up with me. Apparently, his boss had a creepy crush on me and would give my boyfriend bonuses for bringing me to company events and, occasionally, out on the boss's personal boat. Looks like I am no longer useful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 920

You deserved it 3 217

Spoiled

By Beefy Man - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Lehi

Today, I spent eight hours cutting, curing, and aligning on the racks, six months worth of beef to be dried for some tasty jerky, only to find out my dehydrator is broken beyond repair, and would cost as much to fix as the soon-to-spoil meat that I bought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 798

You deserved it 2 011

You OK dude?

By gayboii - 19/03/2011 21:37 - United Kingdom

Today, while at a boring lecture, I heard some people behind me whispering and laughing. I turned around, wondering what was so funny, which made them laugh even more. I then realised it looked like I'd been giving my pen a blowjob for the last 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 996

You deserved it 35 703

Entitled bitch

By das_shizzle - 02/05/2020 05:00

Today, after telling a student that she had to take the online test on the date that I had assigned, she whined to the vice president of the college, who then told my dean that he needed to do something about it. She made me offer testing days on multiple dates. So much for integrity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 736

You deserved it 249

Bye!

By loverpants - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I made the "Good luck, We'll miss you!" sign for my own going away party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 164

You deserved it 5 624

That old switcheroo

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is a Mormon, when his mother greeted me saying how happy she was her son had found himself a Mormon girlfriend. I know nothing about Mormonism, except from what I've seen on South Park, and I'm an atheist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 596

You deserved it 6 553

By Anonymous - 14/08/2009 01:36 - United States

Today, I went to the school I work at, to set up my new classroom. I'm 5'1" and I was carrying a backpack full of fun educational posters. I also have a new boss. When we met for the first time he was yelling at me because "there were no students allowed in here yet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 563

You deserved it 3 057

Zoning out

By puppylove - 05/05/2020 08:00

Today, my mother found me staring at my puppy's asshole. She had apparently been standing there for 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 1 823

Crotch rot of the mouth

By Anonymous - 25/03/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, as I hadn’t showered yet, I told my boyfriend not to go down on me in case it smelled "down there." We started kissing instead, but he made a "blech" face, then went down on me anyway. Apparently my morning breath was worse than unwashed crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 540

Sorry, I…

By signupsheetfail - 12/08/2009 19:02 - Canada

Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 882

You deserved it 41 911

By crazystar69 - 09/03/2011 18:19 - United States

Today, I was walking with my crush, and I told him how I felt. As soon as I turned to him, a bird shit on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 972

You deserved it 4 840

By fuck me - 28/11/2013 19:13 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my dad is forcing me to go shopping with him tomorrow for Black Friday, because he's convinced that my martial arts classes will come in handy when people "inevitably" try to beat the shit out of us in the rush for cheap stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 053

You deserved it 3 674

By nevasurprised - 10/01/2012 14:50 - Germany

Today, I fell asleep in class. I'm the teacher; I've already given students detention for falling asleep in class this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 854

You deserved it 42 860

Sketchy move

By anon - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Vaudreuil

Today, I went to see a hockey game. The announcer asked if anybody found a ring in the stands, because a girl lost hers. While he talked about it, I realised that I forgot mine in my pocket, so I took MY ring and put it on my finger. A guy saw me and thought I stole the lost one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 332

You deserved it 2 308

Use the force wisely

By beckzx58 - 06/08/2009 23:16 - United States

Today, I was pretending to use the force to operate the elevator at my hotel, getting really into it. Someone was waiting to get on at my floor and saw me. Not to mention the staff now brings it up every time I'm around. Apparently they have cameras in their elevators. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 387

You deserved it 43 904

Bizarre Love Triangle

By awkward - 27/02/2011 12:39 - Finland

Today, my mom got me a job working for the man she's cheating on my dad with. My dad doesn't know that she's cheating, and my mom doesn't know that I know. It's just awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 847

You deserved it 4 081

By dannij08 - 27/01/2009 16:47 - United States

Today, I hid my credit card from myself so I wouldn't use it. Now I can't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 305

You deserved it 49 302

Shower sex time?

By mark - 31/12/2011 17:40 - United States

Today, my wife was about to take a shower, when she called me into the bathroom. She stripped me off and pulled me in with her. As I started to get into it, she sighed, "Thank god. You really needed a shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 703

You deserved it 40 288

Bored

By Anonymous - 05/12/2022 14:00

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend felt the need to ask me if I could get my ladder and clean the ceiling, because it looked dusty with a spiderweb in the corner. I didn’t realise I was so boring in bed that she had the time to examine the ceiling and plan my chore list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 014

You deserved it 520

By Gus - 30/11/2012 19:30 - Canada - Richmond

Today, my girlfriend confronted me for forgetting to take the trash out. At some point during the argument, I tried to calm her down, and the words "I should of" escaped my lips. She spent the next ten minutes calling me stupid and laughing at how my grammar goes to hell when I'm distressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 328

You deserved it 5 007

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The Top

Today, my fiancé proposed to me. I was really excited until he asked, "Can we go halfsies on the ring?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 139

You deserved it 5 734

Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 809

You deserved it 3 070

Today, I dyed my hair. And my forehead. And my ears. And my arms. And my hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 108

You deserved it 24 892

Today, I came across some bubble wrap. Turned out it was a special type of bubble wrap that cannot be popped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 842

You deserved it 4 929

Today, I can't decide what's worse, my mom walking in on me doing the five knuckle shuffle, or the one hour talk the next day about how it's perfectly normal and even she does it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 421

You deserved it 8 875

Savour the flavor of the day, but be careful out there!

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 196