The Top

I am the OP. Basically it was near the end of the haircut when this happened so I didn't have time to say anothing. Just to add a few more details, she tried putting on a bandaid but it didn't work, rubbed her fingers on a towel I saw blood.

By D: - 06/10/2013 17:13 - France - Paris

Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 427

You deserved it 3 903

By Anonymous - 30/10/2012 19:34 - United States

Today, I found my fiancé is cheating on me. Our wedding is in 26 days and everything is already paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 806

You deserved it 2 641

Nice try

By Peel - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, while I was leaving a restaurant, the very handsome waiter, whom I had been trying to hit on all night, said to me, in front of everyone, "Why did you write your phone number on the table with hearts around it? You know I won't call you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 064

You deserved it 7 885

By Lilly - 02/10/2013 12:43 - United States - Conway

Today, I was on a dinner date with a guy I really like. I guess I was on my phone too much because halfway through the date he sent me a text saying how much my half of the bill would be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 685

You deserved it 124 386

Snitched

By sixxie - 29/01/2010 05:10 - United States

Today, I went in to work and was handed a write-up for having lied about being sick in order to leave early yesterday. Apparently, a co-worker saw me leave the parking lot, then immediately pull into the shopping center next door. I was going to Walgreens for cold medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 124

You deserved it 2 339

Bored

By Anonymous - 06/08/2020 05:02

Today, I'm considering working as an escort again, to get some human closeness, have interesting conversations and feel wanted and appreciated. I'm actually in a steady relationship; I guess it’s not a very good one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 023

You deserved it 731

Confused

By Overworked - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized how bad my insomnia had got when I tried answering my water bottle when my alarm went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 866

You deserved it 3 331

The others were too polite

By #MeDD - 03/02/2023 19:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I caught my cousin's husband ogling me at a party. I decided to talk to him, but each time he'd avoid me. Eventually I confronted him about staring at me; he then pointed at the front of my dress, my nipple had slightly snuck out of my low-cut dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 1 900

By jester777 - 22/01/2011 17:39 - United States

Today, I sneaked into my girlfriend's house for some romantic time. Before going into her room, I took a dump in the bathroom. Once I was done, I not only noticed that there was no toilet paper left, but I heard her and her 6'5, heavyweight boxer, ex-marine father, talking outside the bathroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 560

You deserved it 49 461

By whoops.. - 16/01/2015 03:15 - United States - Garner

Today, I learned that when a man in the row in front of you at a movie theater tells you to shut up, you shouldn't tell him to fuck off. He might be 6'4 with a short temper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 712

You deserved it 49 782

On the sauce

By drinkdrankdrunk - 27/09/2013 07:33 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I woke up from a night of heavy drinking to find my girlfriend dumped me. Apparently I drunk-called her last night and told her that someone as beautiful as her could be with someone way better than me. She agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 285

You deserved it 17 933

By Anonymous - 21/10/2012 18:54 - United States - Goldendale

Today, I walked into my room, only to find my 15-year-old brother violating my old teddy bear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 571

You deserved it 1 951

Sexy talk

By aur - 12/11/2008 08:10 - France

Today, I spent my first night with my English boyfriend. I'm French, and when we woke up, I said in my most sexy voice, "Oh, I'm so dirty!" It's only when he left that I finally understood the look on his face; I wanted to have a glass of water. I was thirsty, not dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 875

You deserved it 8 007

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my boyfriend asked why I’ve been so grumpy lately. When I told him it’s because our relationship has been severely lacking in intimacy, he sighed heavily and said, “Ugh, fine, let’s just get it over with!” Gee, thanks babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 998

You deserved it 349

He's doing his doggone best.

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 106

Today, I'd signed up to try a workout class at the gym. However, as soon as the instructor started the class, I realized it was much more intense than I had anticipated. I ended up passing out and had to be carried out of the class by the instructor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 668

You deserved it 240

Today, it's my birthday. I found out I have Covid. Also, the police kicked me out of the hotel I'm quarantining in. This is still not my worst birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 135

Today, I went to see my mother with my kids. Before, I had told my son to give her hugs and kisses and I would buy him candy. He did, but then he told her that I said that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 825

You deserved it 33 011

Today, I was at a restaurant. I turned around looking for the restroom. I almost walked into the men’s room, then corrected myself and stumbled in the hallway looking for the ladies’. The employees thought I was drunk and kicked me out. I hadn’t had a single drink. I’m just clumsy as shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 515

You deserved it 269