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By ladylarni - 07/04/2013 08:20 - Australia

Today, my ex-husband officially became my stepdad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 089

You deserved it 4 878

By Disappointed Mom - 31/07/2016 20:31 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was supposed to be enjoying a long-anticipated, desperately needed, weekend away. Turns out those "little stomach twinges" were actually symptoms of appendicitis. I'm stuck in the hospital, alone, recovering from surgery, while my family is enjoying our non-refundable break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 699

You deserved it 1 049

Great start

By Anonymous - 06/10/2019 06:00 - United States - New York

Today, I was starting my new job in the city. A man with a torn suit on came up to me and asks me for spare change. In a hurry to catch a taxi, I declined and rushed to catch one. At the office, my boss was late. About an hour later, I found out the man in the suit was my boss. He was attacked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 059

You deserved it 636

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 05/06/2021 08:00

Spicy

Today, my mom walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. Later, police turned up because mom thought she was underage. I had to desperately prove to some very angry officers that I met my girlfriend at university, and she’s almost a year older than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 431

You deserved it 195

By gamerlaura - 17/07/2016 22:38

Today, after a very harsh argument from my mother about her not seeing her grandchild enough, I decided to vent out my rage in a text to my friend. It wasn't until after I sent the message, that yes, I sent that message to my mom FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 216

You deserved it 7 549

By Stixchop - 26/02/2009 23:21 - United States

Today, I went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut, shampoo, and a blow job. I meant to say blow dry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 311

You deserved it 54 920

By OwMyBalls - 12/02/2012 06:17

Today, I had a debate with my girlfriend about whether giving birth or getting kicked in the balls hurts more. It ended up with her kicking me in the balls. I was the one who said giving birth hurt more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 098

You deserved it 6 529

By meish - 05/06/2016 13:16 - United States - Chicago

Today, I got my own row on an almost full transatlantic flight. All it took was having food poisoning two hours into the flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 530

You deserved it 988

A promise is a promise

By Anonymous - 25/07/2021 04:01

Today, my mom went to my dad's funeral as the Grim Reaper. Apparently, because they were both massive Terry Pratchett fans, they'd agreed whoever outlived the other had to go to the funeral as Death. No one else found it funny and more than a few swore to never speak to her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 417

You deserved it 208

By Roostermann25 - 31/05/2016 01:34 - United States - Lebanon

Today, while meeting some of the big boss guys at my new job, one of the men sneezed on his hand and then grabbed mine for a handshake. I felt every gooey bit of his snot between our hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 909

You deserved it 990

Overreaction much?

By whyyyyyyyy - 19/10/2022 12:00

Today, after a long dry spell, my girlfriend started coming on to me in the living room early in the morning. Just as things were getting good, her toddler rushed in. Now she's crying in her room, and he won't stop sobbing and asking, "Why was your wee-wee in Mommy's mouth?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 423

By WellThatSucks - 23/05/2016 09:15 - United States

Today, I discovered my dog pooped in my bed, under the covers, by rolling over onto it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 215

You deserved it 1 401

By razgriz1 - 20/08/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, I took a cute girl out to an arcade date, and mercilessly dominated her in every game there, to the point she refused to talk to me afterwards. Gamer Pride: 1 - Getting Laid: 0. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 271

You deserved it 101 238

Intense heat

By Anonymous - 22/03/2011 05:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend in his bedroom. It was getting pretty intense, so he got up to close the door. While he was facing the other way, I took off my bra and sling-shot it so that it would hit him. Right when I let go of it, his mom walked in and it hit her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 609

You deserved it 29 691

By readytograduate - 06/05/2016 15:22 - United States - Rockwood

Today, my class had a paint war to celebrate our upcoming graduation. I had a severe allergic reaction to the paint and now I'm covered in giant red splotches everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 478

You deserved it 1 679

readytograduate tells us more.

readytograduate 8

Saturday 7 May 2016 5:29

For those who were wondering, I had no idea I was allergic to the paint beforehand, but with four layers of foundation the red splotches on my face were almost completely gone. I wasn't able to completely hide the ones on my arms so I wore a sweater with my dress. And thank you for all of the congratulations! Only a couple days left!

Scaredy cats

By Clauric - 03/05/2016 15:15

Today, I found out my 35 year-old brother got divorced 18 months ago when my now ex-sister-in-law told me via Facebook messenger, and asked me to tell my parents, as both of them were too scared to do it themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 374

You deserved it 894

By Money-money-money - 14/12/2012 02:25 - France

Today, I played a game of Monopoly with my friends. Since I'm of Greek origin, they thought it would be funny to make me start with a €100,000 debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 543

You deserved it 5 618

By DebitDebacle - 15/07/2018 19:00

Today, after my bank sent me a new card because the old one had been compromised, I woke up to find that it's already been used to start an Amazon Prime account and order several movies. The card to replace a compromised card has been compromised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 134

You deserved it 267

Get it on

By kmb04 - 02/08/2009 15:12 - Canada

Spicy

Today, after a great night of sexual ecstacy, I ran to answer the door. The angry woman standing there introduced herself. ''Hi, I'm your neighbor. My seven year-old son's bedroom is just next to yours and when you scream at night, he gets scared. Do you think you could keep it down?'' FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 437

You deserved it 34 367

By stanDman - 19/01/2009 18:05 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was jerking off when my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes… that I now have to explain to my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 493

You deserved it 10 481

By fed up - 23/08/2018 23:30

Today, I bought a different car because I was having to constantly repair my old one. On the way home from the dealer, the check engine light came on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 857

You deserved it 217

By anonymous - 03/04/2016 21:50 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I discovered that the vitamin I've been taking for hair growth actually works really well. Unfortunately, it only works on my leg hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 731

You deserved it 1 839

By sari14 - 11/02/2010 06:14 - United States

Today, I was standing at the top of the stairs petting my dog. The doorbell rang and my dog bolted down the stairs, tripping me. I fell down the whole flight of stairs backwards. Turns out the person at the door was my brother who had locked himself out. I almost died for no reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 197

You deserved it 5 048

By Baddrunk - 04/09/2018 01:30 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I tried to look cool while playing beer pong. Instead, I slipped violently on a puddle of spilled beer, threw my drink over the person next to me and on the ground, and then fell face-first into the mess I made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 980

You deserved it 1 261

No fun

By PokeTheBear - 22/07/2009 21:09 - Canada

Today, my coworkers decided to play a game of "Who Can Piss the Boss Off the Most". I opted not to play, but I still won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 686

You deserved it 5 735

Great timing

By letdown - 19/07/2020 14:01

Spicy

Today, I finally had sex with a coworker I’d been flirting with for nearly 2 and half years. The sex lasted less than 2 and a half minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 637

You deserved it 737

By HappinessOrOrgasms - 05/11/2012 19:25 - United States - Tucson

Spicy

Today, I looked up the side effects of the antidepressants I've recently started taking. Inability to orgasm is one of them. I can either not be depressed, or I can have an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 352

You deserved it 4 314

By notgonnaeatthat - 17/03/2016 20:40 - Germany

Today, it appears that moth larvae can make a water boiler their home, especially during my absence for four weeks. I learned it the hard way by pouring their boiled carcasses over my noodles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 721

You deserved it 2 226

By Anonymous - 06/12/2011 02:31 - United States

Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 702

You deserved it 46 182

By Mybrotherissatan - 10/03/2016 15:59 - United States - Arrington

Today, I found out why people in my new neighborhood keep giving me weird looks. For a laugh, my brother had gone around telling them I'm a parolee, and implying that I couldn't be trusted around their children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 655

You deserved it 1 334

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Today, I was driving home. I desperately needed the bathroom, so I was speeding a little bit. A cop pulled me over and gave me hell. He said he'd heard my story a hundred times and didn't believe me. I couldn't hold it and ended up marinating in my own piss while he ran my plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 104

You deserved it 2 851

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied by telling me to fuck off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 720

You deserved it 3 483

Today, I was given my yearly evaluation as a cake decorator at Walmart. They said I "was easily the best decorator there" and "the bakery has definitely improved since I got there." In the same conversation they put "unsatisfactory" on my evaluation and denied my raise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 325

You deserved it 2 471

Today, I realized the cute guy in my Spanish class only talks to me so he can steal my answers. He asked if I'd give him the answers for the final as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 610

You deserved it 268

Today, I'm desperately trying to complete a project for a client. However, I have to stop every hour to provide the client with an update of the progress. The deadline is in mid July. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 98

Today, myself and three friends went to a games night and we had to come up with a team name. Since I’m black and they’re all white, they insisted on “Interracial”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 105