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It's not?

By 310 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me he always thought the female orgasm was an urban legend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 215

You deserved it 4 157

By Anonymous - 23/03/2009 18:52 - United States

Spicy

Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors. As I was showing off the dorms, one student asked, "Are these beds sturdy enough for threesomes?" Before I could respond, another kid shouted, "How would he know, I bet the only action he gets in bed is from his left hand." She's correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 089

You deserved it 11 821

Mixed signals

By Brianna Michelle Ferrell - 21/09/2019 20:00

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a fancy dinner. Halfway through, he said he wanted to break up. I started crying, but the whole restaurant thought he'd proposed, and started clapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 216

You deserved it 170

Caveman fetish

By Anonymous - 18/08/2022 21:58

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend lost his temper at me for the first time ever after 2 years of dating, and actually raised his voice. It turned me on, and I don’t just mean on, I mean OOONNNNNN. I was so wet it ran down my thighs and made an obvious damp spot in my jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 548

You deserved it 1 148

By gross - 15/07/2016 03:06 - United States - Cuyahoga Falls

Today, after giving a potential employee a drug test and instructing her to leave her urine sample in the bathroom, she not only brought it into the office, she spilled it on the front desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 702

You deserved it 1 411

Naughty girl

By Anonymous - 31/10/2019 14:00 - Canada - Prince George

Today, my mom found out that I got a tattoo two years ago. She got mad and spanked me. I'm 33 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 016

You deserved it 505

By maxmess - 21/06/2016 21:39

Today, I'm staying with my in-laws. I'm obsessive about cleanliness and neatness. They're candidates for a certain show about hoarders. I want to shower in bleach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 103

You deserved it 1 137

By cleb - 22/03/2018 01:30

Today, I found out that the seeds of the Cherimoya fruit are toxic. I found out by eating the entire fruit, including all seeds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 435

You deserved it 1 048

By Shitty day - 24/05/2016 05:59 - United States - Agoura Hills

Today, while explaining to a group of kids that monkeys are very intelligent creatures, one of them flung poo in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 664

You deserved it 1 572

Mystery

By Sarraahh - 19/04/2020 05:00 - Canada

Today, my 65-year-old grandmother called and asked me to tell my boyfriend that she was flattered, but she's happily married. I have no idea what she was talking about and my boyfriend refuses to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 065

You deserved it 186

By Des - 18/06/2018 15:00

Today, my new neighbors moved in across the street. Also today, they began to park at the end of my driveway. Not used to a car being there, I backed out and promptly hit it. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 366

You deserved it 1 146

By shrutisoma - 12/05/2016 04:54 - Australia - Strathfield

Today, I was at work when a customer came up to me and asked where and what I used to get my tan. I'm Indian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 315

You deserved it 1 297

By TheNotSoGoodDay - 25/04/2016 23:29 - United States - Charlestown

Today, my brothers thought it would be funny to put me inside a huge luggage bag we got for a trip to Canada. It was all fun and games until they dragged me outside, kicked me down a few steps, and left me stuck in the bag, locked outside with the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 886

You deserved it 1 654

Age ain't nothing but a number

By why lie - 04/06/2020 20:00

Today, my boyfriend renewed his driver's license and showed me the picture. I told him he needed to go back because they'd put the wrong birthdate. Turns out the idiot forgot he’s been lying to me about his age the whole time we’ve been together. He’s not actually 30. He’ll be 43 in two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 815

You deserved it 511

By Two wrecks one car - 20/08/2018 16:30 - United States - New Braunfels

Today, a woman pulled out in front me and I couldn't avoid hitting her. When we pulled off on the side of the road to inspect the damage, she backed into me. My car is only a month old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 133

You deserved it 158

By rune breaker - 23/08/2018 22:05

Today, I got the hiccups during an exam. I wasn't allowed to leave to get a drink of water, so I had to sit there and take my test while hiccuping violently. The teacher ended up sending me to the hall and ripping up my test for "distracting the other students". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 552

You deserved it 233

By mackamuir - 01/04/2016 13:01 - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, my roommate played a crazy April Fool's joke on me by not paying his rent this month. Good one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 973

You deserved it 1 793

Pleased to meet you

By ANON - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Littleton

Today, I went straight from work to a blind date, and I decided to change in my car at the parking lot. Someone pulled up next to me as I had my ass to the window. It was my date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 195

You deserved it 9 004

By Amanda G Rich - 19/09/2018 03:10 - United States

Today, I have to start wearing adult diapers because I can't stop peeing myself. I'm 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 810

You deserved it 317

Amanda G Rich tells us more.

Amanda G Rich 23

Tuesday 18 September 2018 19:29

Well time to add another fml to the list. I chose the anonymous option....clearly not anonymous. Well I should explain further since it's out in the open now. I've had bladder issues since I was a kid from wetting the bed to CONSTANT UTIs. About a year ago I got a massive infection down there that no doctor could diagnose until finally I found one willing to actually test me properly, the gynecologist world sucks by the way, and boom positive for ureaplasma. The infection went on for a year and I was treated for BV and yeast infections regularly but the pain was still there. After my diagnosis and it being cured I had a lot of damage and needed to see a physical therapist. So I've done the exercises, I've tried holding it, and I currently have an appointment scheduled. And although I'm absolutely mortified of my current state, that doesn't mean I'm saying I'm worse off than others. I'm sorry if it came off that way.

Ass man

By blaaargh - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Seymour

Today, my dad uttered the words, "You gotta admit, your mother's got one hell of an ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 582

You deserved it 2 329

By Mr. X - 23/02/2016 17:46 - United States - Southborough

Today, my sister convinced my girlfriend that I cheated on her. All because I took the first slice of her birthday cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 595

You deserved it 5 483

By replaced - 22/02/2016 03:03 - United States - Marietta

Today, my boss fired me because his girlfriend wanted the job I had. She has no experience whatsoever in my line of work, it was just his "anniversary present" for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 255

You deserved it 1 674

Nope out of there

By twintowers - 04/07/2009 20:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex. It got very wild and soon was interrupted by a knock on my door. My dad had come home early from work, and heard the whole thing. He demanded my boyfriend to come over, and he had a sex talk with him on the couch in front of the whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 455

You deserved it 23 301

By Beeper - 11/10/2014 19:07 - United States - Champaign

Today, as always, I have Tourette's syndrome. It causes me to occasionally make a beeping noise. My boyfriend just figured out that if he beeps back, it makes me beep again. He thinks it's hilarious and won't stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 726

You deserved it 5 239

By Anonymous - 09/02/2016 23:21 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to give up going to a therapist because it was too expensive and my parents couldn't afford it. Meanwhile, a girl in my class is getting a therapist for her dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 990

You deserved it 1 695

Grossed out

By Anonymous - 10/11/2018 14:00

Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 820

You deserved it 357

Compassion

By Anonymous - 30/01/2016 06:47 - United States - Upper Marlboro

Today, while crying at my grandma's funeral, I was told to "man up". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 860

You deserved it 1 831

By RawrSparkle - 21/09/2012 07:31 - United States - Davis

Spicy

Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 141

You deserved it 14 385

By Flicker - 14/05/2009 07:23 - Australia

Today, my football club gave us all jerseys with our last names on them. My last name is 'Flicker'. The letters are all in uppercase. And the 'L' and the 'I' are joined together at the bottom. My jersey reads 'FUCKER'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128 062

You deserved it 12 613

By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 06:20 - United States

Today, while socializing after a church service, I discovered I'm still referred to as "Fireshit's brother", after an incident a year ago which involved my sister screaming "the devil is coming out of my anus!" from the lavatory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 970

You deserved it 3 646

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The Top

The Top

Today, I was both sexting with my girlfriend and texting my professor about an upcoming essay. I accidentally sent a dickpic to my professor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 392

You deserved it 40 130

Today, I asked the person I love to commit to me. Instead, he packed his shit and moved out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 725

You deserved it 448

Today, I was told I looked “too timid.” I was feeling extremely confident having aced a test, but I didn’t look like it. I’ve practiced carrying myself more confidently for hours every single day in front of a mirror, to no avail. I guess body language just isn’t my thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 155

Today, I met up with my dad for the first time in 7 years. We planned to go to a nice restaurant but he changed the place we were going to, to Chuck E. Cheese. I'm 18 years old. I waited an hour for him to show up. I then ended up babysitting his daughter the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 994

You deserved it 1 619

Today, I texted my boss to tell him that I'd be late because of a dentist appointment. Auto-correct decided to change "dentist" to "exorcist." So, I ended up sending, "Sorry, I’ll be late today. I have an exorcist appointment." My boss's reply was, "Take all the time you need." Now he looks at me like I’m possessed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 319

Today, I was in my girlfriend's room when she walked in after getting out of the shower, wearing just a towel. She removed it and I was inches away from going down on her when I noticed she hadn’t wiped properly, either before or after her shower. She'd complained about stomach problems earlier, but regardless… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 136