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By Theboredone - 29/03/2018 19:00

Today, after a week on bed rest in a cast after ankle surgery, I got so bored and lonely I agreed to do an hour-long government phone survey just to have someone to talk to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 823

You deserved it 406

By tingles - 19/01/2013 13:20 - United Kingdom - Solihull

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he reached out onto my dressing table to grab the lube. He missed, and found the hand sanitizer instead. I'm not sure who is in more pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 068

You deserved it 8 066

Weddings from hell

By happybride - 13/04/2018 01:30

Today, my wedding limo driver got high and forgot to pick us up, so the photographers gave us a ride back to the venue from the photo shoot. Three bridesmaids, a flower girl, and I, in my full wedding dress, had to fit in the back of the 1997 Toyota Camry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 676

You deserved it 397

By sassy666 - 23/04/2018 19:00 - Canada - Whitehorse

Today, I checked my e-mail after being sick for over a week to see that I missed an important email. It said I got the job I applied for, if I responded to the message within 48 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 509

You deserved it 1 963

Sad but true

By mcginnismr - 13/05/2016 22:57

Today, I went to the doctor's office, where my mother happens to work. When my doctor tried to prank her by saying I have chlamydia, my mother laughed and said she didn't believe it, adding, "Have you even seen the way she interacts with boys?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 300

You deserved it 1 384

By Anonymous - 12/07/2018 15:00 - India

Today, I missed the bus. I ran to the metro station in 45°C heat, slipped on dog shit, and fell face-first onto a staircase, breaking my glasses and front left tooth. As I tried to get up, my bag got stuck on the railing and tore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 758

You deserved it 316

Coulda, shoulda, woulda

By DeathbyWording - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Vernon

Today, my doctor said I "might" have an enlarged heart and an irregular heartbeat. It "could" be seriously life-threatening and I "should" go to a specialist for further tests. My insurance refuses to cover my consultation with the specialist because the doctor's wording is too uncertain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 823

You deserved it 1 356

By Walmart Associate - 27/08/2018 03:30

Today, I was accused of being a "racist whore" at work. I'd only asked a man if he needed help finding anything, as that is part of my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 626

You deserved it 178

Awkward...

By Ohnowhy - 09/09/2018 18:30

Today, I moved in with my friend and her husband so we can be roommates during school. Today is also the day they decided to get a divorce. It's going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 030

You deserved it 264

Don't come

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, my parents and in-laws are in a bidding war for the house next door, since we are about to have a son. We're not even sure if we want them living this close. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 478

You deserved it 1 580

By B-377 - 23/10/2018 17:30 - United States - Sarver

Today, I was walking around my block when a random stranger pulled up next to me. He assumed I was a woman, and started catcalling me. I'm a 34-year-old man with a wife and kids, and my hair isn't even long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 006

You deserved it 252

By in debt - 01/11/2018 13:30

Today, a tree fell on our 3-month-old family car. Today, I also learned that my husband never insured it. It's probably scrap, and we still have to pay it off for the next 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 082

You deserved it 571

By TheyObjectToTheUnholyUnion - 29/01/2016 12:51 - United States - Rochester

Today, I received yet another letter from a relative bitching me out for not involving my parents in my wedding. The parents who showed no interest in our relationship and then yelled at my fiancé and me when we announced it to them, calling us stupid, naive, heathens, and mentally ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 095

You deserved it 1 750

By vanilla_blossom - 05/01/2016 18:49 - United States - Jackson

Today, I tried asking a guy I like on a date. He turned me down, saying that I "seem like a nice person and all", but after seeing those reality shows on truTV, he "would rather not date a Russian. No offense, though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 302

You deserved it 1 587

By Anonymous - 02/02/2017 00:00 - United States - Twinsburg

Today, I was pulled aside by my father's new wife and told, "You're not your dad's favorite anymore and you need to stop acting like it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 516

You deserved it 639

By JunkDex - 23/12/2015 07:45 - Australia - Merrylands

Today, my boss thought it would be a great idea to delay paying me until after Christmas. There goes rent, bills, food and of course Christmas presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 609

You deserved it 1 706

Star Wars brain

By cl4ptp - 14/08/2012 12:17 - United Kingdom - Barry

Spicy

Today, after sex, my boyfriend and I lay in bed for a couple of hours just chatting. This would have been lovely. However, his topic of choice for post-coital pillow talk was his theory about how Chewbacca is secretly the leader of the Rebel Alliance. It actually made sense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 265

You deserved it 7 707

Nice try

By realitybites - 08/07/2013 17:03 - United States - Brooklyn

Spicy

Today, while at the doctor's, a week overdue with my first child, I was told that sex and orgasms can sometimes help to induce labor. On the way home, my boyfriend asked for road head, arguing that "She said that stuff about orgasms." Not you, honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 193

You deserved it 7 345

By anthony - 25/11/2015 12:32 - Luxembourg

Today, a cute girl I know in passing approached me very nervously and blushing like mad. She gave me a note with a number on it, said to call her, then ran away. When I called the number later, it was one of those rejection hotlines. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 271

You deserved it 1 889

By oh for f*cks sake - 20/03/2017 12:00 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, my baby brother learned to remove his nappy. He immediately used this new skill to shit all over my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 848

You deserved it 423

By brokenatthebar - 24/03/2017 14:00 - United States - Carleton

Today, I was dumped via text halfway through my 8-hour bar shift. I had to deal with my co-workers and customers asking me how my vacation with my now-ex was for the next 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 792

You deserved it 327

By blackonblight - 11/11/2015 11:23 - United States - Dover

Today, I finally overcame depression-induced writer's block. I was typing at a good speed and before I knew it had over a thousand words that I was reasonably proud of. Then I woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 119

You deserved it 1 944

blackonblight tells us more.

blackonblight 32

Thursday 12 November 2015 6:27

Hey guys. Sadly, the only things that stayed with me were a snippet of dialogue, entirely out of context. Like most dreams, it was more the idea of writing that was played out for me, the movie scene version. I felt the pride, the mental exertion, but chances are the dream didn't have any real writing in it. Just that word count at the top and the line "Those eyes looked in on me and all I was. They saw me, and they saw nothing. So now, they will see nothing. Forever." And the resulting crash from discovering it was all a dream is actually worse than the block itself. I'm not giving up, not by a long shot, but I doubt I'll be getting that story back, if it ever existed. But hey, I got an FML out of it!

The real problem

By Trouble - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, at work, I was informed that my manager told the owner, "Everything wrong with my department" is me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 821

You deserved it 528

By GoldenSteve - 05/11/2015 15:31 - United States - Humble

Today, my gym teacher ranted about how the government should put all the death row inmates in a coliseum and film them fighting. I guess he lied when he said he only drinks at the weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 486

You deserved it 2 556

Take it seriously!

By very punny - 03/09/2014 03:18 - United States - Odenton

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with a ring from Kay Jewelers. She saw the box, started giggling, whispered, "'Kay", and then started laughing so hard at her joke she had to excuse herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 697

You deserved it 6 455

Slip of the tongue

By Anonymous - 13/05/2019 10:00

Today, I had to help pick a jury for trial. I had to do a roll call to make sure that everyone was present. I stood up in front of a packed courtroom and said, “Okay, I’m going to do a roll call to make sure that everyone is here and pregnant.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 604

You deserved it 683

By I love my furry babies - 18/05/2019 16:09

Today, I got a hamster against my wife's will. I can't wait until she wakes up and I have to tell her it's loose in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 713

You deserved it 2 667

By Anya - 17/12/2016 16:09 - Japan - Fukuoka

Today, after being fed up with my sarcastic, mouthy daughter, I decided to remove her TV from her room. I dropped it on my foot and broke two toes. She promptly said, "That's what you get." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 719

You deserved it 1 842

By Anonymous - 29/05/2017 21:00 - Italy

Today, I went to the hospital to visit my grandfather. That's where I tripped over a loose cord in the hallway, resulting in a fractured elbow. I ended up in the emergency room and didn't even get to see my grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 209

You deserved it 325

By moonstone15 - 06/08/2011 00:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I took my new boyfriend to a family dinner. Despite having made everyone agree to be on their best behavior, my grandma spewed obscenities such as "fuck me sideways, aren't you a catch?" and "you just can't pull ass like that at my age" throughout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 242

You deserved it 4 256

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The Top

The Top

Today, as a Uber driver, a passenger requested a ride at 5:30 a.m. so he could go a half block to the McDonald's drive thru and back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 964

You deserved it 2 496

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she had drunkenly slept with another guy last night. Since she seemed genuinely upset, and had confessed right away, I decided to forgive her the slip-up. She then angrily broke up with me, because "if I really loved her, I would've been more angry." FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 401

You deserved it 13 496

Today, I found out that my classmates affectionately refer to me as "the kid whose eyes are really far apart." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 794

You deserved it 3 574

Today, I got robbed. They took my stereo and laptop, but they left my car and a note that reads "Wtf is this?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 273

You deserved it 375

Today, after giving a homeless guy some change, he offered to give me his bottle of cooking wine if I'd let him suck my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 305

You deserved it 226

Today, I was at a wedding and I reluctantly joined the dance floor. As soon as I started dancing, I felt my trousers rip. Trying to save face, I kept dancing, hoping no one would notice. A few minutes later, I realized my silk boxer shorts were completely visible to the entire party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 412