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Drama!

By Anonymous - 09/02/2013 01:00 - Netherlands - Zwijndrecht

Today, I was rehearsing for a school play. My drama teacher keeps criticising the part where I fake-trip, saying I make it look terribly fake. During today's rehearsal, I actually tripped for real, and smashed my kneecaps against the floor with a scream. He still said my "acting" sucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 542

You deserved it 2 921

By girlllll - 01/06/2010 12:31 - Denmark

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents, who I haven't known very long. I ended up falling asleep. That doesn't sound so bad, until I woke my drooling self up by snoring extremely loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 350

You deserved it 5 811

Enjoy what you enjoy

By Anonymous - 03/07/2025 20:00 - United States - Edison

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage with a back massager, and as a joke I put it up against his butthole. He moaned louder than I've ever heard him moan and begged me to put it back. This can't be a good sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 611

Insensitive

By WTF?! - 05/01/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I was the designated emotional support person for my friend's mom as she went to have her sick cat put down. The cat was aggressive towards the male vet. She said, "She doesn't like men" to which the vet replied, "Well, soon that won't be a problem." The willpower it took both of us to not yell at him, or worse… FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 285

Freakout

By Anonymous - 05/07/2025 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned my wife has an extra level of anger. First is sarcasm, then yelling, then the silent treatment, it’s been that way for our whole marriage. Turns out the level above that is hurling a sledgehammer at me. She still won’t tell me what I did to surpass the silent treatment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 128

By alchy - 02/05/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, I realized that the cashier at the liquor store and I are already on a first-name basis. I just moved to this town a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 979

You deserved it 36 282

Little devil

By Teresa - 28/05/2010 04:30 - United States

Today, I couldn't sleep because I had the worst time positioning myself around my cat who was sleeping in my bed. I couldn't kick my cat out of bed because I earlier today had an argument with my brother over which of us the cat loved more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 013

You deserved it 42 736

By CollegeFreshman - 11/09/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I heard a knock on my door and, thinking it was my student adviser, opened it. I was greeted by a drunk girl, who pushed her way into my dorm room, informed me that she lived here last year, and then told me that she lost her virginity in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 630

You deserved it 3 758

Security check

By Kammy - 01/03/2009 23:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and his family had invited me to go on a tropical family trip with them. When we got to the airport, security stopped me and opened my carry-on bag. I'd forgotten about the no liquids rule. They took out a bottle of massage oil, lube, Vagisil and Nair. His whole family saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 873

You deserved it 70 627

Karma?

By Anonymous - 07/01/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my ass of a husband to be stood me up at the altar. He embarrassed me in front of everyone. It was humiliating. All because apparently he’s now not OK with the mistake I made. Yes, I slept with your father, but don’t say you forgive me then leave me crying in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 2 652

By blushingbride - 09/02/2014 21:59 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, my husband decided to pick his nose out before he would kiss me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 382

You deserved it 4 460

The buck stops here

By Anonymous - 08/01/2024 00:00

Today, my boss showed me how he wants his office redecorating. We have employees on minimum wage and yet he wants a private bathroom, large screen TV, sofa and PlayStation, and a decorative suit of armour, all in an office that’s already bigger than my one bedroom flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 589

You deserved it 104

Hey human, I'm right here

By Not now - 12/09/2022 11:00 - United States

Today, I've realized that my cat doesn't give me the time of day, unless I'm trying to do something that's difficult with a cat present, or at the very least makes it impossible for me to give him attention. Then he's all over me. It's a vicious cycle, with no end in sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 348

Thanks dude

By no snow day - 05/02/2014 14:07 - United States - Round Lake

Today, like every day, I had to walk to my bus stop. The only difference today is there was snow and ice over everything. Not only did I slip and fall, soaking both myself and the contents of my bag, the bus driver saw me there at the bus stop and drove straight past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 248

You deserved it 4 042

By Anonymous - 02/02/2013 07:50 - United States - Tucson

Today, as I was leaving for my chemistry exam, I stepped on one of the countless sheets of chemistry notes that littered the floor following last night's studying. I managed to slip and knock myself out in my own living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 231

You deserved it 6 586

By music man - 25/02/2012 00:50 - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend of two years that I love her. She replied, "Um, I don't mean to be rude, but can you just shut up?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 162

You deserved it 3 867

Who wears the trousers?

By sure - 14/09/2022 08:00

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said that I tried to initiate sex too often, and that made me emasculating and unladylike. According to him, men should be the ones to initiate, and women should wait until the man does so. Sorry for wanting sex more than once every other month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 171

You deserved it 222

Goddamn it

By Anonymous - 31/01/2013 21:29 - United States - Beloit

Today, I went for a checkup after having recently been fitted with dental implants. The oral surgeon I chose was supposedly the best in the area, but it turns out that he inserted the implants at the wrong angle. Now I have to have further surgery to correct it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 603

You deserved it 2 627

By bitten - 15/05/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, I got bitten by my aunt's dog. My brother was holding the leash. He said he didn't pull the dog away from me because he didn't want to rip my shirt. Meanwhile, the dog was biting a penny-sized chunk out of my hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 111

You deserved it 2 798

By hairy - 25/02/2009 19:15 - United States

Today, I told my boss I was bored of being a cashier and would rather go to food prep. He told me I couldn't because my arms were too hairy. I'm a sixteen year old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 960

You deserved it 6 344

Rude awakening

By Anonymous - 22/07/2025 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife woke me up by punching me in the balls. Apparently, while I was napping on the sofa, she came in and decided to lie with her head in my lap. While she was scrolling TikTok I sleep-farted on her head, so she punched me. I was asleep, so I feel like the victim here, I call bullshit! FML

I agree, your life sucks 583

You deserved it 115

By Noname - 24/02/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, my hard drive on my computer crashed with all of my files on it. I took it to my Dad, who is a computer analyst, to see if he could recover anything. The only thing that he could salvage was my illustrious collection of porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 548

You deserved it 66 450

Parklife!

By Anonymous - 23/07/2025 22:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I took my dog to the park. He ran straight into a muddy pond, came back to shake himself off, and got mud all over my freshly cleaned white hoodie. A stranger passing by gave us a thumbs up and said, “Good boy!” I'm not sure who he was talking to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 302

You deserved it 209

By Anonymous - 25/01/2014 15:43 - United States - South Salem

Today, my boyfriend proposed: he told me the feeling he gets from being in love with me is the best feeling in the world, even better than the feeling he gets when he poops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 896

You deserved it 7 448

By peteswentzbass - 26/01/2013 17:18 - Netherlands - Nuenen

Today, my roommate and I noticed a foul smell in our apartment. After looking around for a little while, I found that her cat had pooped on a pair of my jeans, and apparently tried to cover it up by dragging a shirt over the mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 064

You deserved it 3 414

By anonymous - 18/02/2012 22:07 - United States

Today, I realized that with all the money I've spent on repairs for my iPhone through the months, I could have bought a phone that doesn't die horribly whenever I so much as give it a mean look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 700

You deserved it 26 153

By applebearcat - 05/09/2009 05:59 - Malaysia

Today, my dad bought me a new laptop for my birthday. That's because he wants to use my old laptop for work, which is more expensive, has better specs, runs faster, and has a wider screen than my new computer. I just got a downgraded laptop as my birthday present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 513

You deserved it 3 719

applebearcat tells us more.

applebearcat 0

Saturday 5 September 2009 16:35

I got that laptop when i went to college at a different state. I needed it to do coursework :p

By Ren - 24/02/2009 10:37 - United States

Today, I applied for a job in an Italian restaurant. Ideally I wanted to be a hostess rather than a waitress, and I told the manager as much. His response? "No no no. Hostess no good for you. We leave that to the pretty girls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 686

You deserved it 4 348

Golden child

By Anonymous - 26/09/2022 02:00 - United Kingdom - Aldershot

Today, my mom, dad, and little brother all adore my boyfriend, and treat him like a son. When he’s here, he gets more family love than I do. I’ve wanted to dump him for weeks because we’re really not working out, but I know that if I do my entire family will pitch a fit, and bug me to take him back FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 238

Confusing

By frenchpop1960 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said, "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 600

You deserved it 42 158

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The Top

Today, my husband sent me a link to an article titled "5 ways you are unknowingly destroying your husband and killing your marriage." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 162

You deserved it 7 810

Today, I was hanging out with the guy I really like. I lifted my arms to put my hair in a ponytail when he noticed a hole that had apparently tore in the armpit of my shirt, so he put his finger through it. I haven't shaved in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 207

You deserved it 55 595

Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 593

You deserved it 3 744

Today, I went out to eat with my girlfriend. The waiter came up and was being nice. He said, "What can I get you two gentlemen?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 749

You deserved it 4 676

Today, I woke up with bruised nipples because apparently my boyfriend likes to excessively play with them while I sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 834

You deserved it 3 888

Today, I got a call from the wife, but I was asleep so she left a voicemail. Seems like she accidentally called while sleeping with another man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 271

You deserved it 364