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Rushed

By K.Trinity - 15/06/2024 20:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was in a rush to get to work and decided to multitask by making my coffee while brushing my teeth. Halfway through, I absentmindedly poured mouthwash into my coffee mug and took a big gulp. I spent the rest of the morning trying to get the taste of minty coffee out of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 472

Dogsbody

By Anonymous - 17/11/2021 07:58

Today, and like every day, after I'd just had finished serving a customer on one side of the store, my boss asked me to go help another one on the other side of the store, which is literally a 2-minute walk away, while 2 other staff members were besides him, doing nothing. I don't even get paid commission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 127

Both ends

By Anon - 19/06/2024 12:00 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I was in a meeting when I felt a sneeze coming on. I tried to hold it in to avoid making a noise. Instead, I ended up sneeze-imploding so hard that I accidentally farted at the same time. The entire room went silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 149

By everysingleone - 16/01/2015 03:43 - United States

Today, I found out that every single picture that I have ever sent to my boyfriend, his father has also received. Every. Single. One. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 728

You deserved it 29 312

I'm confuddled

By Anonymous - 06/01/2026 03:00

Today, I once again tried to purchase a membership for a hiking adventure club. I ended up purchasing the same annual membership for the third time. They have already helped me recover my funds once. These people are never going to want to go hiking with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 449

Playgirl

By Abcporn - 25/09/2013 23:22 - United States - Portland

Today, I went to work at my job as a secretary. I had been given the task to file my boss's collection of Playboy magazines alphabetically by name of the centerfold. There was one for every month from the years of 1980 until now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 840

You deserved it 3 560

By notworthy - 25/01/2010 09:32 - New Zealand

Today, I found the Christmas 'newsletter' my mom sends out every year to our extended family and friends that details our activities and achievements of the past year. I wasn't mentioned once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 224

You deserved it 3 589

Everything's gone green

By Anonymous - 01/02/2023 18:00

Today, it's been a month since the hair dye that was supposed to be temporary is still making my hair tropically green, now with some added roots making it look even worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 589

Nostradamus

By johnnyfuckfacer - 18/10/2012 19:40 - Canada - Concord

Today, I walked into work, after having given my boss a weather prediction last week, so he could decide on which day to open a new company division. I was immediately taken aside and written up for "providing false information, adversely impacting morale". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 067

You deserved it 2 291

Humble pie

By Anonymous - 10/07/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, I was going to do some laundry, with the washer and dryer I bought off of Craigslist for 150 dollars. The washer leaks and the dryer doesn't dry. So I called the guy and left an angry message about how the washer flooded my kitchen. I'd actually just forgot to hook up the drain hose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 308

You deserved it 62 627

Bad day

By Matt L - 21/08/2020 20:07 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I discovered a nail in the tire of my car and a nice sized crack on the screen of my phone. I didn't think the day could get worse, until on my way to fix my tire, the cherry of my cigarette fell off and burned a huge hole in my driver's seat. This was my day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 1 398

Love me do

By Lonely and Fattie - 24/06/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, yet another guy friend-zoned me for being overweight when I asked him to hang out. I have Hashimoto's disease and it’s really hard for me to lose weight. I eat decently and take 20 minute walks daily. I wish I could go to an island where less superficial jerks lived so I can have a chance at love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 503

You deserved it 384

Round trip

By Anonymous - 13/11/2021 11:01 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I got home from hospital after being sent there for suicidal intentions because I'm poor, chronically ill and want out of my life. Five hours later, I was sent home after being given one Valium and a taxi ordered, that I had to pay for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 137

You deserved it 139

Move!

By Anonymous - 06/02/2023 20:00

Today, I went to a TV show filming, but I was sitting behind what must've been the tallest person in the world. I'll probably only get to see the show properly once it airs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 121

Ban Zoom meetings

By Anonymous - 30/06/2024 22:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I joined a Zoom call late and accidentally unmuted myself while yelling at my kids to stop fighting. I didn't realize I was unmuted until I saw my manager's horrified face and the rest of the team trying not to laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 205

You deserved it 528

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 19/11/2021 22:58 - Kenya

Today, my crush started uploading pictures and writing sweet messages about a girl on her status, so I assumed that she was into girls, and lost all hope. Turns out that the girl in question had passed away, and she was remembering her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 251

You deserved it 1 219

Sassy machine

By Shell - 14/02/2023 16:00 - United States - Cleveland

Today, at the vending machine at work, I selected a regular soda but a diet soda came out. It turns out the soda I did select was stuck behind the bottle of diet soda. Is the universe trying to tell me something? FML

I agree, your life sucks 583

You deserved it 252

She'll calm down

By Anonymous - 03/07/2024 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally stood up to my mom and told her that as an introvert I desperately need some time alone to just recover. She, being the bitch queen of the extroverts, translated this in her head to, “I hate this family”, so she screamed at me, called me ungrateful, and made me homeless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 593

You deserved it 148

By Anonymous - 12/10/2012 01:51 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I'd stayed up all night to finish a detailed report. By the time I'd printed it I was late for work so I jumped in my car. Driving down the street, I saw my papers fly off the roof of my car. It was raining out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 243

You deserved it 8 200

By ValeyFallsAlot - 14/01/2011 14:18

Today, I fell down a flight of stairs. The guy behind me was kind enough to ask if I was okay. He then called his friends over so they could laugh at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 899

You deserved it 3 012

Buyer's market

By gasbrain - 05/09/2020 20:06

Today, after being unemployed for a couple of months, I got a call back from a security job I did for a week. But with a new condition: besides the security work, one day in the week they want me to cut grass, paint and clean up the grounds for the same minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 200

Alexa, play "Your Daddy's Car" by The Divine Comedy

By Anonymous - 13/02/2023 18:00

Today, I borrowed my dad's car to run a quick errand, which he never lets me do. I thought I’d got away with it until he got home and started yelling. I forgot, dad always reverses into driveways, while I prefer to drive straight in, and I'd parked his car facing the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 1 532

I'm listening

By Anonymous - 04/07/2024 09:00

Today, and for the last week of job training, I’ve listened to my new boss go on about how we care about our customers and want to engage with our community, even though at the end of every workday I watch him empty the complaints boxes straight into recycling, without reading a single one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 79

Chilly

By Anonymous - 13/01/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, my window got busted and won't shut properly. I live in a college dorm room and maintenance says they can't fix it for a couple of days. It's below freezing in my dorm and I can see my breath while trying sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 448

You deserved it 2 632

Classic

By Anonymous - 16/11/2021 17:01

Today, I went to the cinema. The lady at the reception gave me my ticket and wished me a good screening. My reply? "Thanks, you too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 653

You deserved it 316

Classic lineup

By LonelyInLove - 17/02/2023 14:00 - United States - Methuen

Today, a guy I had developed feelings for broke things off with me, giving me a version of the “it’s not you, it’s me” line. This was the first person I had liked/wanted to date in almost 8 years. I think I’m destined to be alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 163

By momof2boys - 19/01/2010 09:59 - United States

Today, my two boys decided to draw in permanent marker on the leather seats of the car I have had up for sale for 3 weeks with no interest. I call my husband to tell him we're going to have to keep it. He just made an appointment with a guy who has cash and is ready to buy it tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 038

You deserved it 5 228

Alexa, play 4'33" by John Cage

By Anonymous - 07/09/2020 17:00

Today, I was the first to sign up to play the national anthem for my school, at one of my volleyball games. My teacher told me she would bring my sheet music. She didn’t. So I just sat there, awkwardly, not playing my cello. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 223

You deserved it 246

Lovely day

By Anonymous - 21/02/2023 12:00 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, it’s this year’s first spring-like day, with warm sunshine, birdsong, and the first tiny flowers! So of course I'm taking full advantage of this delightful weather by… being sick and staying indoors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 135

By Anonymous - 06/10/2012 18:27 - Philippines - Sucat

Today, I had a big argument with my girlfriend, after she tried to stop me going home, even though it was already past my curfew. I got home, only to find out I'm grounded for staying out late, and dumped for being "inconsiderate". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 060

You deserved it 3 561

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The Top

Today, I was making a shake at work when the cup fell off the blender. I went to catch it, and instead caught the teeth of the still-spinning mixer. When my hand was still bleeding five minutes later, my supervisor told me to clock out until it stopped. I lost money for getting hurt on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 658

You deserved it 1 228

Today, I was at the airport waiting for my flight to leave for Hawaii when I received an urgent call from my neighbour saying that my house had been broken into. After rushing home and missing my flight, I had to explain to the police that my house wasn't burgled, it was just very messy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 749

You deserved it 5 944

Today, to spice things up a bit, my wife and I were having sex in our kitchen. She was up on the counter and I moved her over to get in a better position. The stove was still hot from dinner, so now my wife has a burn that looks like a double rainbow on her ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 119

You deserved it 36 998

Today, I got home from work to find the door locked and dead bolted, so I used my cell to call the home phone while banging on the door. My stepmom came out of her room, looked right at me, laughed, and went back to bed. This is the fifth time she's done this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 691

You deserved it 3 775

Today, I had a seizure at work. My boss walked by and saw me, but didn't help or do anything because he thought I was "picking something up off the floor." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 560

You deserved it 2 257

Today, after 9 months in our relationship, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. We had incredible, mind-blowing sex. An hour later, he broke up with me because apparently "my orgasm face is ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 282

You deserved it 9 325