The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Findom

By fucking bastard - 17/07/2026 22:00 - United States - Newport News

Today, my husband got paid. I checked our bank account and was shocked to see we'd only received $300. I called him, insisting that there was some mistake. He said he'd started a new bank account in his name so he could manage our money on his own, and the $300 was my "allowance". I now want a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 319

By IronFoot - 14/08/2011 02:41 - Canada

Today, while on the roof of my friend's house, I took a shortcut down by jumping onto the roof of his nearby shed. Not only did I go right through it and hurt my arm, I've also received several calls from my friend's dad, demanding I pay for the damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 891

You deserved it 54 620

Finger wagging

By Anonymous - 16/12/2024 20:00 - United States - Edison

Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 138

By prdp - 05/06/2013 16:33 - United States

Today, after years of training and competing, I realized that the universe does not want me to play the piano. Not only do I have hands that can fit in toddler-sized gloves, my carpal tunnel is already to the point where I have to wear a brace at night, at the ripe old age of 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 704

You deserved it 4 713

prdp tells us more.

prdp 7

Thursday 6 June 2013 5:08

Thanks for your nice comments! I kind of knew it would come eventually, because 3 generations of my family have consistently had carpal tunnel, but it was intensified by my piano playing (and especially the fast music I tend to choose to compensate for my inability to reach larger chords) and made the symptoms appear at a much earlier age than any of my relatives. Luckily, I'm not JUST a pianist! I'm also an extremely avid concert and marching brass player (a female brass player? Who knew they exist?) who plans to audition for drum corps in the very near future. Classical (though I also play some jazz) piano and band are my true loves, and I know I won't stop playing piano anytime soon, nor will I stop my other instruments. :)

Silver linings

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 14:00

Today, I was driving into work in my hubby’s truck. It’s his pride and joy. I managed to both get a flat tire and lock my keys inside the truck at a gas station, with my face mask also inside. Oh, and it’s 19 degrees. At least it’s sunny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 367

Time to get the hell out of Dodge

By Anonymous - 17/12/2024 09:00 - United States - Newberg

Today, as with most days, I’m reminded of how little my husband thinks of me. He makes me hate myself everyday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 158

First date, first impressions

By ragingwaffles - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Chico

Today, my blind date thought the best way to start off is to show up blind drunk. She ended up puking on the table and leaving me to pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 588

You deserved it 3 961

By Cellphonetroubles - 19/11/2009 07:36 - Canada

Today, I was laughing at a story of a girl who had dropped her cellphone in a hottub and ruined it. As I was feeling pretty good about myself, I then realized that my cellphone was in the pocket of a sweater that I had just thrown in the washer 20 minutes prior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 681

You deserved it 48 098

By JessBaby - 04/05/2009 20:44 - United States

Today, I found out my grandmother passed away. When I told my boyfriend I began to cry. Instead of caring, he said "you're getting my bed wet," rolled over, and fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 026

You deserved it 6 586

Drunken truth

By Anonymous - 19/12/2024 15:00 - Germany

Today, after 10+ years of being best friends, I finally told my best friend "I love you" while we were on the phone. To which she said, "That's OK, but…" and continued the conversation. Maybe I shouldn't have drank so much, or waited so long. We're both in happy marriages, with kids with other people now though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 1 050

Hammer-headed

By Anonymous - 11/08/2014 16:27 - Canada - Saint John

Today, after ignoring my concerns and declaring that "safety equipment is for pussies", my husband went rock climbing for the first time. He only sprained his ankle, but is acting like it's broken. He's now playing video games in bed and pissing in a bucket, because walking is "too painful." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 283

You deserved it 4 945

Invasion

By Anonymous - 31/03/2022 18:00

Today, and ever since we announced our pregnancy, my mother-in-law has invaded our home, taken over my hobby room, and tries to run our lives. I tried to go to the pub for a pint, one solitary pint, and she came and dragged me out by my ear, because "drinking is a sin", and I hadn’t done the dishes yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 296

You deserved it 322

By fmfl - 17/11/2009 21:19 - United States

Today, I found a gift card under my bed that I lost a few months ago for $400 to a store that went out of business last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 301

You deserved it 13 145

Driven to drink

By Anonymous - 23/07/2023 15:00

Today, I caught my boyfriend trying to dispose of several empty alcohol bottles, leading to a discussion how dating me and putting up with my insanity has given him a drinking problem just so he can get through the day. Me catching him seemed to be the wake up call he needed, because he dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 927

Simple pleasures

By Anonymous - 25/07/2023 06:00 - United States - Rowlett

Today, I just found out that my local drag strip, where the best races in my area were held, is being shut down to build a truck stop. It was sold out of nowhere, with no warning. It was the one thing that I actually looked forward to every week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 209

Etiquette

By Anonymous - 25/12/2024 16:00 - Brazil - Joinville

Today, I had to be the responsible adult and take my parents' phones away. Most of their time is spent on social media and low-quality brainrot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 132

Having fun?

By Anonymous - 21/05/2022 02:00

Today, on my birthday night, my husband decided to book a trip for himself to go on a solo trip, leaving me with the kids. Instead of hanging out with us and celebrating, he's yelling at our son to leave him alone so he can finish booking the airfare and car rental. Great birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 152

By SpeakerPhone - 14/11/2009 17:31 - France

Today, in a big meeting, my secretary calls me saying that I have an important call waiting. I put the call through. It was my beautician, confirming my appointment to get rid of an ingrown hair. I hurriedly confirm and hang up to see everyone in the room giggling. The speaker phone was on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 799

You deserved it 7 350

By Anonymous - 12/06/2012 19:01 - United States - San Diego

Today, I volunteered at a soup kitchen. During the rounds, a grisly but nice young fellow told me that I had beautiful eyes. I was quite touched; that is until he leaned in and added, "Can I have them for my collection?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 121

You deserved it 2 150

By Anonymous - 05/08/2011 04:18 - United States

Today, my friend's dad had a heart attack. Without realizing what I was saying, I texted her, "If you need anything, you know I'll be there in a heartbeat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 278

You deserved it 13 275

By tdiz - 12/10/2010 04:48 - Canada

Today, I was getting frisky with my fiancée when she started talking about her dead great-grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 920

You deserved it 3 577

By fmylifebad - 29/04/2009 10:12 - United States

Today, I was on the subway and saw this cute guy eyeing me. I crossed my legs, tossed back my hair, and raised my eyebrows slightly. As he came up to me, my heart started racing until he finally started flirting... with the girl next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 166

You deserved it 12 214

It's not for everyone

By Stacey - 07/05/2022 22:00

Today, my fiancé had a nightmare and sat bolt upright in bed, claimed he had a nightmare where we were married, then his head hit the pillow and he was asleep again. That was his nightmare. Us being married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 182

Girl…

By Anonymous - 03/01/2025 09:00 - Canada - Sydney

Today, I’m questioning everything about me. I’ve been in a relationship with the same guy for almost 3 years now, high school sweethearts if you will. Now I’m starting to question if I even like guys. I’ve never gotten off to a guy, but women? I’ve always gotten off to them. My boyfriend is so sweet, I don’t know how to do this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 226

Where d'you think you're going?

By Anonymous - 13/06/2019 03:00

Today, one of my employees was fired for refusing to do a basic job necessity. After the meeting with HR, he left the office and tried to go back to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 739

You deserved it 176

New year's resolution gone wrong

By Anonymous - 05/01/2025 22:00 - United States - Austin

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months. Feeling pumped, I grabbed what I thought was a light dumbbell. It wasn’t. I dropped it on my toe and screamed so loud that the gym bros around me stopped mid-workout to stare at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 467

By Anonymous - 26/07/2014 02:06 - United States - Deatsville

Today, I have really painful pimples on my upper lip. I'm a professional trombonist, and every note causes excruciating pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 561

You deserved it 5 204

By Anonymous - 10/06/2012 06:24 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I used a prank app, where you shake the cell, and it makes the screen looks cracked. I ended up losing my grip on the phone. It went flying, and it is now cracked for real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 956

You deserved it 36 677

The cheek of some people

By Anonymous - 23/05/2022 04:00

Today, I stayed at my mate's house over the weekend, but his mother threw me out, saying I’m was taking advantage of her hospitality. First, it’s her son's house, so it’s not even her hospitality, but also I was helping redecorate the whole house for free, so how was I taking advantage? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 148

You deserved it 106

Get outta here

By Anonymous - 04/08/2023 20:00

Today, I went blueberry picking for the first time since I was a kid. In a huge lot with no one in it, a pickup truck choose to block us into a corner lot spot. When asked to move, the pickup driver said, “I hope the shade spot was worth it.” He then flashed a gun! FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 133

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Annoying Hospital Work Management Language DIY Miscellaneous Relatable Mysterious Awkward Cars Embarrassing Cooking Coworkers Love Anniversary Divorce Transportation Health Surgery Healthy Lifestyle Growing old Technology Money Ironic Animals Relationships Horses Jealousy Birds

The Top

Today, after fishing for 5 hours, I finally caught a respectable-sized fish. I ran to my truck to grab the scale, and then I saw my friend laughing hysterically while holding an empty net. Apparently, the only catch of our day jumped out of the net during the 15 seconds I was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 950

You deserved it 1 980

Today, I had to stand next to my wife at the supermarket, beet-red and pretending not to exist; about half an hour into our shopping, she completely lost her shit at the advertising on the loudspeaker, turned to another patron, and screamed into his face to shut the fuck up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 684

You deserved it 2 489

Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 669

You deserved it 318

Today, my partner of 5 years broke up with me via text. We were talking about starting a family just last week. We have a foster puppy together and moved into a new house a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 156

You deserved it 110

Today, during sex, my (now ex) boyfriend called out the name of the new female coworker that he told me just last night "not to worry about." He's known her for a week. We were together for 8 and a half years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 592

You deserved it 161

Today, my mom booked my family a $250 spot for a dinner cruise. I'm a type 1 diabetic in diabetic ketoacidosis. I told her that I needed to go to the hospital as this could kill me. Her response? "WHAT ABOUT THE $250 I PAID FOR THE CRUISE?!" I guess she cares more about the money than the fact I might die. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 82