The Top

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Telepathy?

By So tired - 24/05/2023 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my incredibly needy rescue cat - who knows she doesn't get to go into my bedroom at night - decided that she needed to wail and scratch the bedroom door from midnight until 5 a.m. Now that I'm awake, she's ignoring me because she knows I'm mad at her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 575

You deserved it 391

Tough crowd

By Anonymous - 20/10/2024 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my application for a holiday role at a department store was declined because I was "not as qualified as some other candidates." I worked this exact same job at this exact same store last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 94

One law for me…

By Anonymous - 21/12/2020 17:02 - Australia

Today, I got disciplined for sleeping on night shifts, by my boss, who also sleeps on night shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 405

Fine print

By Anonymous - 22/10/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that when your contract includes the words “additional duties, as required” it actually means the 4 other people on your team will all stick some of their least favourite duties on you without you noticing, so that you end up doing 50% of the workload of a 5 person team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 87

By yum - 07/07/2013 05:09 - United States - Sylmar

Today, I was drinking from a cup with a built-in straw. After taking a long sip, I noticed a weird taste. Upon investigation, I found a small caterpillar wedged inside the straw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 322

You deserved it 4 336

Spooked

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 05:08

Today, I thought my house was being broken into in the dead of night. Frightened, I dismounted a floor lamp as a makeshift weapon and crept through the house, channelling my inner Ellen Ripley. It turned out to be the wireless printer with a paper jam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 812

You deserved it 6 785

Thanks, I hate it

By awwimanahole - 04/07/2013 05:07 - United States - Palmetto

Today, I needed a change of clothes, so I called my mom. She brought me a grey shirt with a toucan on the front and 'Mexico City' spelled in glitter. I asked her why she would bring me such an ugly shirt, and she started crying. Turns out she'd bought it for me as a present from her trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 652

You deserved it 56 280

All over the place

By Anonymous - 02/06/2023 12:00 - Australia

Today, I run a business with my partner, and work at a separate business as an employee. My partner got Covid, so our business is closed for now. I got it from him, but still need to work at the other place because the only other employee flew to Turkey on holiday, and the owner has no idea how to run her own business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 146

By haha - 04/09/2011 00:04 - United States

Today, I was at the library, and had finally found the book I'd been looking for, when a man approaches me, says "The main character dies at the end", and walks away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 521

You deserved it 3 445

Oh, the irony

By HassledAirfarer - 07/12/2009 02:08 - United States

Today, I was on a red-eye flight, and the woman beside me was chattering loudly to her friend. I opened my laptop and got to work. Suddenly, one of the women turned to me and told me that the clicking of my keyboard was too loud. She then called me an "inconsiderate, selfish bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 071

You deserved it 2 452

Close call

By Anonymous - 31/10/2024 12:00 - United States - Bremerton

Today, I woke up and realized I had to pee sooo bad. The problem was, I sleep naked with my partner, who lives with one of their sisters. I didn't have time to get dressed before running to a shared bathroom, and even then I "drizzled" a little bit on the bathroom floor. I cleaned it and myself up but still… FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 513

By willconqueror1 - 22/09/2014 14:25 - United States

Today, coming home from a trip in the mountains, I got a cracked radiator and my car overheated. My dad came to get me, he drove my car and I followed in his. I got pulled over and ticketed for his expired registration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 294

You deserved it 3 509

By bitchimgay - 22/07/2012 16:48 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I went to my local coffee shop. I soon witnessed the girl making my drink apparently dislodge a wedgie from her ass-crack and then sneeze into her hands. When I confronted her, she loudly accused me of "visually molesting" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 157

You deserved it 2 338

Get on with it

By Anonymous - 02/09/2011 22:20 - United States

Today, I went to a baseball game. On the way in, I managed to trip and get stuck in the turnstile. It took five minutes of flailing and twisting around in front of hundreds of people before I managed to pull myself out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 570

You deserved it 4 620

Stay at home

By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 14:01 - Canada

Today, after working several months through the pandemic at a medical clinic, my coworkers and I got a gift to thank us for our hard work during this time. Was it a raise or a bonus? Nah. Just a small Tupperware container. We were also told later on that all time-off requests were suspended until further notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 90

Just hope he's not a snitch

By BobSagetLives - 12/04/2022 02:00

Today, I texted a close friend, who has the same first name as a coworker with the same first name, spelled one letter off. Both saved by first name only in my contacts. I ended up telling my coworker about the great value of my marijuana purchase. My company has a zero tolerance policy for marijuana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 1 670

Sock it to me

By Vacation over - 02/11/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, as we packed for a vacation, I saw my boyfriend pack several pairs of the ugly gray socks he knows I hate. I took and threw them away before we left. One flight, cab ride, and furious argument later, I learned that one pair had an engagement ring wrapped up inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 1 712

By MrandMrsRendon20 - 11/11/2010 00:26 - United States

Today, I complained to my boss about how my printer wasn't printing colored ink even though I had just installed a new cartridge yesterday. Upon investigation, she noted that I forgot to take off the protection sticker from the cartridge. Good job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 289

You deserved it 29 941

By Wino - 05/12/2009 04:08 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store to stock up on booze for the weekend. After the cashier commented on the size my purchase, I claimed to be hosting a dinner party tonight. I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 799

You deserved it 34 573

STRANGER DANGER!

By Anonymous - 12/04/2022 10:00

Today, my girlfriend and I attempted to help a little girl who was alone and looked lost. All I managed to say was, "Hi my name is…" when she screamed and set off an actual rape alarm in her pocket. I was tackled by about 3 people, while my girlfriend did nothing to help me except laugh and start filming it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 279

You deserved it 125

Kafkaesque

By Anonymous - 05/11/2024 03:00 - United States - Littleton

Today, it's been 5 years since I had a high paying job, the opportunity for promotion, and work on a project in the field I have wanted to work in since I was a kid, as well as a budding social life. How am I doing now? It's been 5 years since I first became nearly bedridden with a debilitating illness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 551

You deserved it 73

By chicoallen - 31/08/2011 18:45 - United States

Today, after getting off work from a horrible 16 hour shift, I went out to my truck. My windows were completely covered in window chalk, to the point that I couldn't leave. I had to spend the next hour and a half washing it all off while my manager laughed about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 010

You deserved it 2 228

Trash day

By AlfieBoyo - 06/11/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I got locked out of my house in my pajamas while trying to take the trash out. My neighbor offered to help, but only after taking a picture of me for "future laughs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 144

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 22:38 - United States

Today, as I was making instant hot chocolate from the hot water dispenser in the break-room at work, a coworker informed me that it was industrial "recycled" wastewater that was only supposed to be used for washing tools. Thanks. I've only been doing that every day for the past 8 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 112

You deserved it 5 283

Influencer is a dangerous job

By Anonymous - 08/11/2024 16:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was taking a selfie in a café because the lighting was perfect. As I leaned back for the perfect angle, my chair tipped over, and I fell to the ground in front of a bunch of people. The barista was so concerned, he came over with a first aid kit, while I just wanted to disappear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 752

Yelling through it

By Anonymous - 16/06/2026 00:00 - United States - Center Line

Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML

I agree, your life sucks 289

You deserved it 98

By theuglyfriend - 17/07/2012 06:09 - United States - Riverbank

Today, I went to a coffee shop with my friend. The guy rang her up and said it was only a dollar as he winked at her $10 purchase. Then he rang me up at completely full price. She got his number and I got to be the ugly friend once again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 809

You deserved it 3 796

By SinkyBalls - 30/08/2011 03:56 - Canada

Today, I found out my roommate thinks the sink is an appropriate place to wash his junk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 721

You deserved it 2 829

Sting

By gimme beer - 13/06/2023 18:00

Today, when I went to the gas station to buy beer, some underage punk outside asked me to buy him booze. I told him to get bent, but the dumbass cashier had seen me talking to him, and refused to let me buy alcohol because, "This is obviously a sting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 156

Fake it til you make it

By Anonymous - 10/11/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to sound like I had my life together by bragging to a friend about how I meal prep every week. In reality, I’m sitting here eating a cold slice of pizza for lunch that I found in the back of my fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 594

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The Top

Today, a girl called me a racist, stereotyping asshole. All I did was ask a kid who happens to be Asian to tutor me in math. Which I didn't do just because he's Asian, but rather because he's in college and is actually a brilliant mathematician. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 566

You deserved it 2 137

Today, my boyfriend went to kiss me as we were walking home. It was very icy and he slipped. His teeth went through my lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 188

You deserved it 2 934

Today, I was getting onto an airplane and happened to admire the stewardess. I was walking onto the plane and was just about to talk to her when my foot slipped into the crack between the boarding ramp and the plane. Not only did she laugh as I limped to my seat but now I have bruised nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 487

You deserved it 10 817

Today, I'm waiting for the second evaluator to accept my master's thesis so I can graduate. If my grade isn't submitted by the end of the week, my credits will expire, which will have consequences for my job. The evaluator is the same woman who graded essays from the beginning of the college year at the end of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 125

Today, I'm supposed to hand in my Master's thesis. I only very vaguely remember my enthusiasm of six months ago, but remember clearly that - this time - I was planning to start in time and avoid last-minute stress. Seeing the sun come up at 5 a.m. tells me that it was a tad too optimistic. Just ten more hours to go… FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 1 092

Today, I was called a racist slur because I said I don’t like dogs. Funny how disliking dogs is a “red flag” but racism is OK. Yeah, uh huh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 213