The Top

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Shy

By Dan - 13/12/2021 14:01 - United States

Today, I discovered the guy I like will be working with me in PE for the school year. He’s straight. I’m awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 246

Commited

By Anonymous - 25/02/2026 03:00

Today, my wife demanded a divorce and full custody of our younger kids, all because I had our drug-addicted daughter arrested for theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 96

Graceful

By dancer4life - 09/01/2010 03:04 - United States

Today, in ballet class, I was really focusing and actually trying to work hard. I was really getting into the choreography. I was travelling big and leaping long. While going across the floor, again I travelled and leaped… right into the ballet bars and fell over, in front of 35 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 118

You deserved it 6 136

By FattyMcFatterson - 24/06/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, in the shower, a dime fell on my foot. The only place it could have come from? One of my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 357

You deserved it 238

Left behind

By Anonymous - 02/10/2020 02:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, it was my best friend's birthday party. Her boyfriend and I agreed to organize a dinner date to surprise her and celebrate. They celebrated, but forgot me until they arrived at the restaurant and saw the dinner reservation under my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 080

You deserved it 171

No fun

By Ed. - 04/08/2024 14:00 - United Kingdom - Stoke Newington

Today, I got back the results of an allergy test I decided to get because I felt generally tired after meals. Turns out that I'm allergic to, among other things, meat (yep, is a thing), nuts (of course), milk, egg, rice, carrot, apple, yeast (as in bread), and even soy. Seems I'm allergic to… food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 102

By BedazzledAlpaca - 08/12/2014 05:03 - United States - Englewood

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to find that I had slept through my house getting robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 877

You deserved it 4 316

By Don't text and work - 23/06/2009 05:04 - France

Today, at work I got told off by my manager for texting while working. Enraged by this, I trash talked her to the new girl at work. The new girl, a.k.a. my manager's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 158

You deserved it 68 938

Hate the game, not the player

By Anonymous - 02/03/2026 22:00

Today, I went on a date with a guy and it went great. I later found out that he came inside another girl, stole her sweatshirt, then left. After that, he proceeded to bang another girl. Both of these girls are in my friend group, and I still went on a date with him after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 482

By newly passed, newly grassed - 06/12/2014 17:04 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, while driving home, I swerved to avoid turning a duck and her babies into roadkill. Another car was coming around a sharp bend at the time and swerved to avoid hitting me. In the end, we both ran our cars off the road, and he took out several ducks in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 145

You deserved it 8 408

Manchild

By lynnie - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to come up with a reward system for getting my boyfriend to brush his teeth daily. He's 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 433

You deserved it 6 214

Thanks

By badeats - 22/06/2009 05:43 - United States

Today, I visited my grandma. She offered me some chips in a Ziploc bag. I thought they were sour cream and onion chips from the look of them. They tasted funny, but I didn't want to be rude and I kept eating. I looked closer after a while and noticed that what I thought were chives was actually mold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 627

You deserved it 9 311

Smooth moves

By Anonymous - 16/03/2023 10:00 - Canada

Today, I was trying out for a local basketball team, so I put extra effort into showing off my baller skills. Unfortunately, I managed to hit myself in the face with the ball, knocking out one of my own teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 556

By shugette212 - 05/12/2014 01:56 - United States

Today, I found the Christmas candy that I'd hidden a year ago. Turns out I wasn't the only living creature who had found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 133

You deserved it 7 712

By pinky - 06/01/2010 18:12 - United Kingdom

Today, my 5 month old son decided that my lip ring was a toy. Thinking it would be ok, I let him touch it. He got his finger caught and pulled his hand back. The lip ring is still in, but now I have a huge gaping hole in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 517

You deserved it 53 905

Cigarettes or…?

By xander - 18/01/2022 10:59 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I learned that my mother almost did a perfect job being a parent when I was a baby. She was clean during the 9 month period I was in the womb. Unfortunately, she stopped right after giving birth to me, celebrated, and started smoking again. I was breastfed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 078

You deserved it 201

By kacie smith - 16/09/2012 12:36 - United States - Youngsville

Today, my husband and I bought a new swing for our front porch. We put it together and sat down to enjoy our accomplishment. Five minutes into our swing I threw up several times. I have really bad motion sickness, and apparently a swing is no exception. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 730

You deserved it 3 741

Butter fingers

By SplashOuch - 05/01/2010 17:58 - United States

Today, I was walking out of Starbucks when I sneezed, causing coffee to burn my nose. I screamed, dropped it, and sent scorching coffee all over my legs, while dropping everything else I was holding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 977

You deserved it 7 208

OK, well, goodbye

By Anonymous - 04/11/2020 14:02

Today I ordered an anchovy pizza without the mushroom. Instead, I got a mushroom pizza without the anchovy. Then, when I went to take it back, the store had closed. Permanently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 144

You deserved it 219

The icing on the cake

By Anonymous - 24/12/2021 14:01 - Australia

Today, I received my year 12 yearbook. After such a bad year of let downs, it wasn’t surprising that the school fucked it up and put the previous year's group photo in it instead of ours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 106

Traditional polycule blues

By I just want a polycule!!!! - 08/03/2026 22:00

Today, I'm polyamorous. I dream of getting in those big, beautiful loving relationships you see in poly media, where everyone works to make it work. All I ever seem to meet are possessive freaks who want me all to themselves, or couples wanting a threesome. Do your reading! That's not how polyamory works! FML

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 636

Pants on fire

By Bun - 11/10/2020 23:01 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I found out that while I was attending AA meetings to help understand how to help my boyfriend of 7 years when he got back from rehab, that he was not in rehab at all. He was on vacation. With his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 638

You deserved it 186

Free speech

By jessie - 06/01/2022 02:01

Today, for about the tenth time this month, I opened my mouth and was immediately told to, “Shut the fuck up” before I'd actually said anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 964

You deserved it 225

Who am I?

By Anonymous - 13/03/2026 09:00

Today, my parents swore up and down for the umpteenth time that I'm their biological child, even though they're both white and I'm very obviously Hispanic. I know I'm adopted and I even got proof, but they dismiss it as AI. They keep insisting that "genetics are weird." I just want them to be honest with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 66

By FamilyLoving - 19/08/2013 16:00 - United States - Patchogue

Today, I was out jogging. As I took a rest to have a drink of water, a car pulled onto the sidewalk and bumped into me. Not just any car; my dad's car. He then drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 142

You deserved it 3 835

By TheNaturalOrderofThingsSucks - 11/09/2012 03:13 - United States - Seattle

Today, after pouring my heart out to a beautiful girl on Facebook, and having her return the favor, she typed a final message that read, "That was my friend. Please f*ck off now. Thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 617

You deserved it 7 270

Facebook political debates

By Anonymous - 17/10/2020 14:01 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I found out that my father uses, "You eat poo for breakfast!" as a comeback during political arguments on Facebook. He’s 60. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 066

You deserved it 117

Treat yourself day

By anon - 20/08/2024 16:00 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, my in-laws surprised us with an unannounced visit. I was in the middle of my weekly self-care routine, which includes a green face mask, curlers, and a bathrobe. When I opened the door, they looked horrified and my mother-in-law whispered, "Is this a bad time?" Without thinking, I blurted out, "Depends, do you believe in aliens?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 119

By BYUwildchild - 17/12/2010 16:23 - United States

Today, I realized that the fish-shaped birth mark on the back of my leg, that I have had all my life, is not really shaped like a fish as I had originally thought. It looks just like a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 966

You deserved it 3 536

Roommates from hell, part 4874

By Ohgodithurts - 19/10/2020 11:00

Today, I got a second degree sunburn everywhere above my waist, for which I've been using a medicated lotion. My roommate "pranked" me by switching the lotion with a similarly colored, very caustic acne wash. My chest feels like it's roasting in hell and is oozing pus and oil now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 670

You deserved it 171

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The Top

Today, some girl's mom gave me a load of abuse for endangering her daughter's health. How? By deleting my Facebook account, which caused her to have a serious panic attack. Apparently she thought we were best friends, and that I was ditching her. I'm confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 951

You deserved it 3 566

Today, I took my kids to an Easter party hosted by a local church. The nice lady in charge told the kids, "Jesus died, but He rose to life again!" My 9 year old screamed, "LIKE A ZOMBIE!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 883

You deserved it 8 917

Today, I'm at work on a construction site for a high rise building, on the 12th floor today. I've developed a severe case of the runs, causing me to need to rush to the nearest toilet periodically. Luckily for me it's conveniently located on the ground floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 427

You deserved it 1 739

Today, I got rear-ended. In possibly the scariest part of downtown. At night. By a man who spoke hardly any English but managed to ask if I would go out dancing with him instead of calling my insurance company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 071

You deserved it 2 557

Today, I found out from my mom that the sweet smelling shampoo she bought recently belongs to Tammi. I've been using it for a week now. The chocolate drops I ate yesterday are also hers. Tammi is our pet Chihuahua. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 631

You deserved it 9 093

Today, it's been over a month since my mom has answered my calls or texts. Why? Because I didn't write an elaborate post on her Facebook for her birthday like my sister did. I only called and messaged with her all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 103