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Never forget

By Anonymous - 02/12/2021 02:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I woke up and went down to the park for a walk. I later realized I'd forgotten to bring the house keys with me, so I got stuck waiting until somebody opened the door for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 384

Settled

By Just good enough - 04/02/2026 15:00

Today, my wife admitted that she settled for me because I had a good job and made enough for her to live comfortably. I shouldn't worry though, because now she's old enough that she won't be able to pull anyone more exciting or attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 536

You deserved it 84

By Anonymous - 01/07/2009 06:37 - United States

Today, I learned that shaving my unibrow while drunk/high was a terrible idea. I also learned that one brow looks better than no brow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 986

You deserved it 56 308

Stay at home

By Anonymous - 27/11/2021 10:58

Today, I saw the coronavirus news this morning, all about the new variant. I've been working 100% remotely for past year and a half. Here we fucking go again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 201

Last to know

By Anonymous - 25/02/2023 22:00

Today, I heard that my stepmom’s mother passed away… via a public Facebook post made by my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 719

You deserved it 117

Help!

By nuerrotticc - 06/01/2011 08:58

Today, I had a panic attack at 2 a.m. because someone decided to throw a snowball at my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 580

You deserved it 6 720

Drama kings and queens unite!

By IGoOutWalking - 26/02/2023 00:00 - United States

Today, I was doing some routine maintenance on my car when a radiator connector broke unexpectedly. I realized I'd rather walk 3 miles in freezing temperatures than call my nearest friends for a ride and have to listen to their drama. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 204

Second guessing

By Anonymous - 19/07/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I realized how toxic and controlling my wife is. She left to go on a vacation, and I'm so used to her micromanaging everything I do that I'm completely unable to function. I tried to play a video game and had a panic attack because I imagined her walking in and screaming at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 188

By OverweightTeen - 14/01/2010 06:59 - Canada

Today, I added some of my own money to the tip jar in the Subway I work at to make myself look less pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 989

You deserved it 24 946

By StillSingle - 29/06/2009 18:14 - United States

Today, I went to my friend's beautiful wedding. The only other single girl there was 5 years old. She caught the bouquet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 347

You deserved it 5 107

Van life

By Nomad - 28/02/2023 10:00

Today, and recently, I’ve been really big into van life and traveling. Until now, I thought my wife was onboard. After a long talk about how difficult it would be, she’s decided that she’d rather live paycheck to paycheck, instead of travel for super cheap and save money. On top of that, rent is going up in a few months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 806

By angry - 28/06/2009 21:05 - United States

Today, I went to go get a new ID because my wallet was stolen, which had my social security card in it as well. I found out that to get your ID you have to have your social security card, and to get your social security card, you need your ID. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 119

You deserved it 8 696

Welcome to middle age

By Adrianna - 03/12/2021 13:59

Today, I pulled a shoulder muscle opening my front door. How are your thirties going? FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 156

Booksmart

By Lindsey - 01/03/2023 14:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to a book signing by my favorite writer, but I was so nervous that I forgot what I wanted to say, and ended up blurting out something completely random and embarrassing about the hat they were wearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 208

Misogyny gone mainstream

By get out! - 06/03/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, my brother-in-law introduced my son to Andrew Tate videos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 194

Isn't that some sort of crime?

By WHAT HAPPENED TO CHIVALRY - 16/02/2026 09:00

Today, my toddler bolted in a parking lot, running through lanes of cars, right past a man, and forcing me to drop everything I was holding and catch him. I gave the man hell, demanding to know why he didn't even try to stop my child from running into traffic. He just said, "Not my kid, not my problem." Asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 1 145

Look where you're going

By flicmybicgrl - 23/09/2020 08:01

Today, I was heading to class with all of my books and papers in my arms. To prevent tripping and falling down the stairs, I decided to take the elevator. On my way there, I slipped and fell because my books were blocking the wet floor sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 094

You deserved it 346

Globehead

By yikes - 07/03/2023 10:00

Today, I found out my girlfriend of 3 years actually believes that the Earth is flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 141

Oddly specific gift

By Anonymous - 27/07/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I gave a housewarming gift to my new neighbor, a cookbook titled "Quick and Easy Meals for the Busy Bachelor." He thanked me awkwardly and later mentioned that he and his husband have been married for ten years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 704

How the other half lives

By They're children, they want to play - 18/02/2026 12:00

Today, I got a noise complaint about "loud stomping" in my apartment disturbing the tenant below. I guess I'm supposed to tell my sweet children that they are no longer allowed to play in their own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 706

By PyroSam - 12/12/2014 18:07 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend sent Christmas Carollers to my house to tell me he was breaking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 768

You deserved it 3 019

PyroSam tells us more.

PyroSam 21

Saturday 13 December 2014 10:48

Here's the full story (just saying this is my first FML that has been published. Yay!). First off, we'd had a fight and he'd stormed out of the house. I believe he went out with his friends and got drunk out of his mind, which is probably where the midnight Christmas breakup idea came from. The carollers were surprisingly supportive, and I didn't even have to tip them. The next morning I received a grovelling voice message, which I subsequently ignored. I think I'm done with that relationship now, but hats off to his originality.

Spray it

By GoldenShower - 25/06/2009 10:17 - United States

Today, I was awoken by my son squirting liquid on me from a bottle. We have a high deer population in our area, so I spray urine contained in black bottle on my plants to help deter the deer from eating them. I also water my flowers with water from a blue bottle. My son used the black one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 986

You deserved it 8 099

Drama Llama

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took the kids I'm babysitting to the farm to feed the animals. They were a little scared of the llama, so I showed them how nice it was by feeding it a lot of bread. Then, as I was telling the farmer how I loved the llama and wanted to take it home, it spit grass and bread all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 421

You deserved it 10 240

Spy vs. Spy

By Anonymous - 30/09/2020 11:01 - United States - Lake Butler

Today, I panicked when I realized two of my diaries were missing. I turned the house upside down, and found them in the guest room, tucked away in a dresser drawer. My only visitor in the last six months was my mom. I’m 37 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 239

Her body, her choice

By Anonymous - 08/01/2022 08:01

Today, my wife decided she wants to disregard our five-year plan to have kids, and is experimenting with the idea of having her tubes tied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 088

You deserved it 306

Biblically correct frustration

By Bigfoot73 - 09/03/2023 14:00 - United States - Statesville

Spicy

Today, it's been twelve years, seven months, and fifteen days since my wife has wanted sex. She was drunk. She no longer drinks. Guess my name is Job now and I have to be patient. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 200

You deserved it 377

Looking good

By Alex - 31/07/2024 16:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I was expecting a package from Amazon, so when the doorbell rang I rushed out in my pajamas. It wasn't the delivery guy. It was my ex and her new boyfriend, here to drop off some of my old stuff. I'd answered the door wearing an anime onesie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 551

By apparentlyunsexy - 27/10/2011 04:00 - United States

Today, while dancing at my studio, our instructor was giving us all characters opposite of ourselves to portray in an improv solo. My friends got cool things like "creepy" and "vulnerable". I got "extremely sexy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 234

You deserved it 3 972

By ... - 29/12/2010 15:24

Today, my girlfriend told me that her parents have a bet going on when we are going to break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 474

You deserved it 3 400

Where are you?

By howard1954 - 27/10/2020 17:02

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to take him 30 minutes away to meet his friends so he could go fishing, adding that they wouldn't be gone all night. I dropped him off 13 hours ago, and he doesn't have a phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 016

You deserved it 254

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The Top

The Top

Today, my co-worker handed me the phone and said it was my boyfriend calling, so I answered "Hello, Love!" It was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 362

You deserved it 3 467

Today, a guy on the bus was nice enough to slide over so I could sit down. Right after, he said, "Fair warning though, I just farted there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 506

You deserved it 4 148

Today, I was scrolling through Instagram when I got a new follow suggestion. I checked her feed, and found out it was my ex-fiancé’s newest fiancée. And he'd proposed to her using an $185 ring I'd bought myself for my birthday last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 913

You deserved it 180

Today, I dropped a box from my dad's attic and blew a hole in my foot. I now have 3 toes missing because dad forgot he once wrestled a gun away from some kid trying to steal his wallet, meant to give it to the police, but kept forgetting, and it wound up in the attic for 11 years until today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 342

You deserved it 140

Today, I was in a work Zoom meeting that was supposed to end at 5 pm, which is my shift end time. It dragged after 5 pm so I decided to disconnect and leave to go home, since I don’t get paid overtime. My manager called demanding to know why I left early, said I was unprofessional, and fired me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 1 382

Today, one year after giving my girlfriend an ultimatum that if she aborted our baby, then I would leave, she had the baby… and then left it with me. Now I'm stuck as a single parent while she is out living the high life, wanting nothing to do with either of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 1 151