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By Anonymous - 06/11/2010 04:36 - United States

Today, I discovered the piggy bank I made a Facebook account for has more friends than me. It has 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 599

You deserved it 14 445

I'm innocent!

By DavidJ - 16/06/2023 18:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were on the road. She saw that I got an innocent text from a friend, Melissa. In a fit of jealous rage, she put the gear of my car to “P” causing the car behind me to rear end me. My bumper fell off. She told me, “Tell that bitch Melissa to take care of that.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 096

You deserved it 183

By Anonymous - 15/05/2009 15:18 - United States

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that I could never marry him because he's a Yankees fan. He told me he could never marry me because he couldn't see himself having a terrible love life for the rest of his life. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 728

You deserved it 14 014

Who stole Chewbacca?

By Tate - 16/04/2022 12:00

Today, I invited a friend over and showed him my collectible action figures. He also collects the ones I do. There was this one particular rare one I own, and he was quite fascinated by it. It mysteriously vanished after he went home. He claims to know nothing about it, and got pissed for accusing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 157

You deserved it 143

By polskibus - 31/01/2012 05:55 - Poland

Today, I’ve been living in Poland for three months now. I had the brilliant idea to take out the trash at midnight after washing my hair. A minute later, my hair was completely frozen and I even managed to break some of it off. I can confirm that it was -30 °C. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 252

Back 2 school

By christine brown - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got suspended for bringing a "hazardous weapon" to school. They were earrings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 129

You deserved it 3 809

By Anonymous - 29/11/2009 23:10 - Australia

Today, I got fired. By my father. He wants me to drive him to work tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 705

You deserved it 3 596

Not now!

By Al - 20/11/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, I told my wife I had a huge Zoom interview and could not be disturbed under any circumstances. Nevertheless, she called her mom, got into a screaming argument the interviewer could clearly hear, then came into my office to cry on my shoulder. She doesn't understand why I'm furious with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 104

By mlustpdx - 04/09/2014 17:47 - United States - Clackamas

Today, my cat decided to use my bowl of rice krispies as his litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 972

You deserved it 5 017

mlustpdx tells us more.

mlustpdx 17

Friday 5 September 2014 20:16

true. and the reason why is my son decided to block the opening to the litter box and the cereal looked like his litter. can't get made about that

By llord - 24/08/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I found out that my engagement ring was actually my husband's ex-fiancée's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 709

You deserved it 3 968

Seller appreciation day

By Anon. - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I had to look at my positive eBay feedback to feel loved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 497

You deserved it 6 348

By w0rstdayever - 27/11/2009 20:01 - United States

Today, I got in a hotel elevator. There was a kid in there also. He got off on the 3rd floor. As he was stepping from the elevator, he decided to press every single button. It's a 35 floor hotel. My room is on the 32nd floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 215

You deserved it 4 331

w0rstdayever tells us more.

w0rstdayever 5

Saturday 28 November 2009 4:48

OK, maybe it wasn't terrible. Except for the fact that this is what the site is for. It still sucks even if my life isn't ****** to shit.

Not funny

By Not laughing - 24/06/2023 22:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I had to, again, explain to my girlfriend that her jokes about her cheating on me are not funny in any form. Not just because of the topic, but also that she actually has cheated me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 286

You deserved it 548

By Wormy - 11/05/2009 19:45 - United States

Today, I bit into a Reese's Cup that had been sitting on my desk for a while. As I did, half of a yellow meal worm fell out and landed in front of me, the other half was in my mouth. It was wiggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 235

You deserved it 30 446

Sweet!

By Linda - 21/01/2021 17:02

Today, I learned a hard lesson: when you order 12 artificial sweeteners and 6 packets of raw sugar with your home-delivered Starbucks coffee so that you can have a small hoard to sweeten up the coffee you already have at home, they just may put all 18 items in the cup and stir it up to your apparent liking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 311

You deserved it 2 171

I'll be giving some thanks alright!

By Thanksgiving Ruined - 26/11/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I saw an e-mail notification for my husband regarding a flight to New York this Wednesday. Thanksgiving is on Thursday and we have no relatives in New York. When I asked him about it, he confessed that he’s gonna see a lady he met online and that he wants a divorce. I’m due to give birth next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 954

You deserved it 125

By Anonymous - 04/07/2012 16:41 - United States - Aurora

Today, I got a raise at work. It will bring my hourly wage to about a cent more per hour. Our CEO just reported record-breaking profits for the year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 359

You deserved it 2 005

Twink

By Noé - 10/05/2022 00:01

Today, I decided to start working out. I made a bit of Internet research, and I found out about my body type. The first and only example that popped up is Natalie Portman. Oh, by the way, I’m a 16 year-old dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 173

Crazy ex

By Anonymous - 30/06/2023 10:00

Today, my girlfriend came up to me to ask me to have access to my Google account, just so she could delete all my photos then break up with me, saying I was in the wrong. She thought it was disrespectful for me to have a life outside of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 137

By Dreamer - 03/07/2012 06:22 - United States - Castro Valley

Today, I'm going to court to give an eyewitness account of a robbery. Unfortunately, I had a wacky dream last night concerning the robbery, and no longer have any idea of what actually happened in real life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 693

You deserved it 3 830

Little shit

By Anonymous - 28/10/2010 04:44 - Canada

Today, my little cousin is going to be staying at our house for a year or so, because of financial problems. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that every single night he creeps up on me while I'm sleeping, and shouts, "GO FUCK YOURSELF!" directly into my ear. Only another 11 months to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 606

You deserved it 3 512

By Anonymous - 17/05/2019 12:18

Today, I found out that someone left an open sharpie pen in the dryer. It left pen marks on everything inside of the dryer. Not just one or two pen marks, but nearly 1,000 on each article of clothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 887

You deserved it 190

Dating apps suck

By probablydeadbymidnight - 01/07/2012 22:57 - United States

Today, I exchanged pictures with a guy I met online, whose devotion to his family really impressed me. In his picture, he was wearing clown makeup, holding a huge knife to his throat with one hand, and an ICP album in the other. All this with a psychopathic grin on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 418

You deserved it 7 823

That stinks

By help me - 19/03/2022 06:00 - Australia - Surry Hills

Today, I’m stuck in a small office with a colleague with one of the worst cases of BO I’ve ever come across. He has already been spoken to about it, and I’m developing a nauseous headache from the stench. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 005

You deserved it 77

Smart

By Anonymous - 22/08/2014 16:56 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my boss chewed me out for correcting several spelling and grammar mistakes in one of his reports. The words "Think you're so damn smart, don't ya?" were uttered. I'm his secretary, and proofreading his shit is part of my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 677

You deserved it 3 224

Thanks, I hate it

By sydneyp3435 - 11/06/2013 04:39 - United States - Boerne

Today, I started my job at a kids summer camp. The first little girl to arrive told me to close my eyes and open my hand because she had a "surprise" for me. Yep, a dead, decomposed sparrow covered in all sorts of bugs sure is a surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 727

You deserved it 5 686

Knackered and shattered

By Out of Shape - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Egypt

Today, I decided to start exercising. I almost passed out five minutes into the warm up, and couldn't even stand in the shower afterwards. I'm only 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 137

You deserved it 35 906

By Anonymous - 25/05/2019 12:08

Today, someone overheard my ex talking about ditching me with a year-long lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 740

You deserved it 154

By TrulyYours - 07/05/2009 12:39 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone. After a short pause I hear him say "I love you." Smiling I say, "I love you too." Then he says, "I was talking to my dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 583

You deserved it 5 923

Fight Club for Dummies

By Jeff - 23/05/2019 22:21

Today, my boyfriend and I were play fighting. He said, "I should stop trying to hurt you," before punching me in the face. I lost a tooth. He found it hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 034

You deserved it 290

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The Top

Today, I got a note from my son's kindergarten teacher. During free time yesterday, he told her, "Mommy was stripping". I was indeed stripping. Paint that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 214

You deserved it 732

Today, my boyfriend rather stupidly assumed that because my vagina is no longer in use after giving birth, we would automatically start having anal sex. After I loudly explained how that wasn't happening, he then had the nerve to ask for a blowjob before we'd even left the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 391

You deserved it 3 969

Today, my boss grabbed my arm, raised it above my head, closed my other hand into a fist, and pushed it into his armpit. After staring at me for several seconds, he winked and left without saying a word. This isn't the weirdest thing he's done, and I'm actually starting to fear for my safety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 262

You deserved it 2 588

Today, my landlord informed me that after 8 months, we are finally getting cable and internet in our house. I move out tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 830

You deserved it 3 814

Today, I looked back on my romantic history: a marriage that ended when my wife cheated on men, four girlfriends who took advantage of me, and my first girlfriend showed up for my first date after putting on stage makeup that made it look like I beat her up just before our date. "Better to have loved and lost," my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 145

Today, I was showing my grandson how to blow out the candles on his birthday cake. I got a little too close and set my hair on fire. The candles remained lit but my grandson was too terrified to go near them after the whole ordeal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 199

You deserved it 418