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Kinda weird

By lily98 - 17/05/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I have been eating more and still not gaining weight, so my dad took away my PS5 until I gain 20 pounds. According to him, “A woman should be curvy.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 616

You deserved it 85

By Miramichi - 30/05/2011 12:18 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he pees on the toilet seat just to piss me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 655

You deserved it 8 964

By Noname - 17/03/2009 20:35 - United States

Today, I had a gymnastics meet. I thought I was done with my period, but when I was up on the beam warming up my routine, one of my coaches called me down and told me that I apparently wasn't. My coach goes around asking my teammates moms if they had any pads. My dad caught this all on tape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 934

You deserved it 7 684

Own it

By annie - 26/05/2021 10:57

Today, when I stepped on the scale this morning, I broke it. Now my family won’t stop making fun of me and calling me names like "chubby" and "fatso". The scale was really old and I weigh 110 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 519

You deserved it 246

Cozy

By Bookworm - 18/11/2023 16:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought that a few candles in our room would create a cozy and romantic atmosphere. Especially the one on the bookshelf. That candle damaged only one book - it was signed by my great professor, who's long gone. She doesn't understand why I can't just buy a new copy and deal with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 124

By Sharkie49 - 26/03/2012 22:33 - United States - Oceanside

Today, I paid top dollar for an Italian soda that ended up consisting almost entirely of ice. When I complained, the girl insisted that the soda water stopped the ice from melting. She said she didn't see what the problem was, and threatened to have me thrown out if I didn't "simmer down." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 673

You deserved it 5 339

By mperh - 28/05/2011 12:46 - United States

Today, it's memorial day weekend. The cops are all over the place watching for speeders and drunks. Some complete dickhead decided to spray paint "cop killa" on the side of my car. It won't come off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 950

You deserved it 3 252

Bad idea

By Not-so-good-gymnast - 27/09/2009 08:35 - Australia

Today, I removed the safety padding from around the trampoline because it seemed useless. This afternoon, I did a backflip, got my hair stuck in the springs, ripped out a chunk of my hair, and face planted it into the brick pavers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 753

You deserved it 80 187

Free advertising

By NotFernMichaels - 29/07/2022 00:00 - United States - Red Lodge

Today, I received a package that I thought contained a textbook for law school, for which I paid $130 used. Instead, I received a paperback novel titled "The Nosy Neighbor" by Fern Michaels. My semester starts next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 123

By marsbar - 15/03/2009 05:07 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was moving his hand from his thigh to my chest but on the way he sort of squeezed my stomach. When I asked him why he did that, he told me that "his fingers got stuck under my roll." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 761

You deserved it 20 115

Misunderstood

By lildale92 - 03/06/2021 17:01 - United States - Elmhurst

Today, I was trying to explain to my mother-in-law how I hated the way my father-in-law talks to me, the tone he uses. She thought I was attacking him and got mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 272

Welcome to the neighborhood

By Anonymous - 31/07/2022 04:00

Today, I went to tell my neighbour I was sure his son had been taking pictures of me from his window. He laughed in my face, then assured me no one on planet earth could possibly want photos of my fat ass and double chin, then shut the door in my face, still laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 988

You deserved it 316

By Moe - 25/09/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, I discovered that I had lost my phone. I drove to the campus to try and find it, and parked in a gated lot where you pay when you leave. All the buildings were closed, so I had to go home. That's when I realized that I didn't have my wallet to get my car out. And no phone to call a ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 165

You deserved it 7 689

By Anonymous - 01/03/2013 16:35 - United States

Today, I received a chain-mail text that vividly described what "Tanya" would do to me in my sleep if I didn't forward it on. I'm so paranoid that I did just that. I also realized that accidentally forwarding such things to your boss can get you fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 973

You deserved it 51 835

By Adam - 24/05/2011 05:54

Today, while I was walking home, I noticed an elderly man in a wheel chair trying to paint his garage so I went over to help. His response was verbal abuse and a slap to the face with a wet paint brush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 848

You deserved it 5 466

By scaredtosleep - 24/09/2009 09:50 - United Kingdom

Today, the weird receptionist at the hotel I'm staying at asked me if I needed an extra blanket because I "looked cold in my sleep last night". FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 889

You deserved it 2 932

Small talk fail

By notapervert - 28/02/2013 07:57 - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, I managed to score a date for the first time in over a year, and was very nervous. When I was asked what I do for a living, I laughed nervously, and then blurted out, "Finger women." What I was trying to jokingly say was that I'm a gynecologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 985

You deserved it 39 716

By 11lyss1 - 23/05/2011 04:26

Today, I opened my new clothing store. My only customer was my mom and the only reason she came in was to tell me that someone stole my sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 922

You deserved it 3 550

Asshat

By jayc80 - 20/05/2011 17:59 - Bermuda

Today, my boss scheduled a staff breakfast at a swanky new restaurant for all the hard work we've been doing. The dining area is on the roof, and the building has no elevator. I've been in a wheelchair for 11 years. When I brought this to my boss's attention, he said it wasn't his problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 622

You deserved it 3 346

By wotwzombie - 11/03/2009 18:22 - United States

Today, It took me over 3 hours to cut out little letters for an event I'm putting on. It took the wind less than a second to blow them all over campus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 693

You deserved it 16 397

Womens' pockets liberation now!

By Anonymous - 06/06/2021 22:03 - United Kingdom - Runcorn

Today, I had to give in and order men's jeans, just so I could have functional pockets. Ordinarily not a problem, except I have wide hips and a suitable size doesn't seem to exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 134

Glory days

By Anonymous - 03/12/2023 16:00 - United States - Richmond

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend will only have sex when she's on her period, because it's the only time she gets horny. She also gets body acne, bloating, and utterly foul BO and gas. The sex is so unpleasant, I'm starting to wish she just got cranky and emotional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 243

You can't hurry love

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my grandma wasn't feeling well, so I went to her house to check on her. After about 20 minutes, I knew she was feeling better when she looked at me and said, "So, do you have a boyfriend yet? I pray every night that I get to live long enough to see you with a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 681

You deserved it 4 135

Pants on fire

By IDontWantToBeHere - 09/06/2021 22:01

Today, my ex told me he wants honesty in a relationship. I agree. It's a shame he felt it was OK to tell lies from the very beginning of the relationship that lasted about 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 917

You deserved it 121

This one is all over the place

By Anonymous - 11/12/2023 06:00 - Russia - Vladikavkaz

Today, it's the 14th year that I have been living-existing-being in the second friend zone in a row. It all started with harmless sympathy and ended with severe mental addiction, with withdrawal syndrome. My life became hell. Nothing helped me. In the end, only God - who actually created all this for me - helped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 870

By Anonymous - 04/03/2014 04:40 - United States - Riverview

Today, my sister told me about a website that explained why our stressed cat has been obsessively pulling out the fur on her legs. Interested, I asked for a link. Not just out of deep concern for the cat, but because I have the same problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 933

You deserved it 5 934

By monty - 09/03/2009 02:53 - United States

Today, I was babysitting for my mom's coworkers two little boys. they went to bed around 9 and I was watching a movie on HBO. I fell asleep before the movie was over. I woke up to the parents walking into the house. I looked at the TV, and porn was on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 419

You deserved it 13 457

Puppy love

By Anonymous - 12/12/2023 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my mom is pissed and grounded me when I didn’t show girlish, squealing enthusiasm when she went out and came home with a dog; a big dog. I hate dogs, there is no creature I despise more than dogs. I prefer spiders to dogs, and she knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 614

You deserved it 367

By hbbbs - 02/03/2014 00:58 - United States - Palm Desert

Today, I was babysitting my 4-year-old cousin. She scraped her knee, and in an attempt to cheer her up, I put a refrigerator box over my head and waddled around like a penguin. She stopped crying, but only after I fell down a flight of tile stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 338

You deserved it 11 363

hbbbs tells us more.

hbbbs 10

Sunday 2 March 2014 16:04

Hello! I'm the OP. Just to confirm, I didn't get any major injuries (just a bruised butt!) Also, -didn't put box on the cousin because she's too short, so she wouldn't be able to walk in it -didn't realize the stairs because when the box was on, I couldn't see, so I seemed to have lost my sense of perception Anyway, thanks for all the "hope your not hurt"-ish comments! ♡

Unhealthy

By Homeless - 14/06/2021 11:01

Spicy

Today, my now ex-boyfriend was kind enough to let me live on the couch because I have nowhere to go. I have to see the homewrecker he cheated on me with everyday, and hear them have blood curdling sex every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 428

You deserved it 430

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The Top

The Top

Today, at a restaurant, I noticed a really hot girl leaving with her friend. A few minutes later they came back, laughing uncontrollably, and announced that some moron forgot to put on their parking brake and the car was rolling into the full parking lot. It was my car. They watched me chase it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 396

You deserved it 39 769

Today, my brother had his hot friend over. I decided to make a move because he was staring at me and smiling all night, so I asked him which holiday was his favorite, Christmas or Easter while I batted my eyes and smiled. That's when he said, "You have lettuce in your teeth." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 883

You deserved it 47 881

Today, my nine-year-old niece found my coloring book that features swear words. I took it away and hid it in a different spot. No less than an hour later, her younger sister found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 063

You deserved it 1 376

Today, the DA approval for my renovation finally went through. I'm getting my garage knocked down, rebuilt, and the bathroom extended by 1.2m. The bad news is that the only quote I've been able to get is for $300,000. Might as well rebuild the whole house for that amount. FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 176

Today, I told my mother I was doing fine with my classes when I actually wasn't because her mother is dying, and I didn't want her to have more things to stress about. She found out and she's very hurt. I feel awful about it and I know lying wasn't the right thing to do, but in the moment I didn't want to cause her any more pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 227

Today, like every other month, I accompanied my paternal grandfather to visit his doctor who's as old as he is, and whom I never spoke to ever. As I waited outside, for the first time ever, grandpa had me come in to meet his doctor. The very moment I stepped into his office, he greeted me with a, "He's obese!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 236