The Top

Thanks for making me laugh with some of these comments. The back thing is an old injury that flairs up every so often for a few days, it just had terrible timing. As for the leg....well it's getting better pretty quickly (is 2 months quick for a broken bone?) thanks to my physical therapist and an awesome surgeon that pieced my broken tibia together. Now I just have to learn my lesson and not get on an ATV that my brother is driving ever again. But on the bright side I get to laugh at all the FML's and get a couple of months off of work.

By Anonymous - 19/07/2013 16:41 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, it's my fifth wedding anniversary. My wife bailed on the romantic dinner that I arranged in favor of running off with her friends. Their big event: an amateur Fight Club event they'd decided to stage in an abandoned parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 466

You deserved it 4 328

By Anonymous - 26/11/2010 05:23 - Canada

Today, seeing Ozzy Osbourne live for the first time, I was trying to get the perfect photo of the entire band on stage. That is, until a sudden burst of pyrotechnics startled me, and I gave myself a black eye from the camera hitting me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 555

You deserved it 9 555

Weddings suck

By Anonymous - 03/12/2020 17:02 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I got dragged to a wedding where I knew no-one. It went on for hours, I got so hungry. We get to the meal, my wife had forgotten to order a vegetarian meal for me. I couldn't eat the main meal, due to allergies and no alternative. I then spent two more hours just waiting to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 159

You deserved it 316

Biphobia is real

By homeless bi guy - 09/05/2023 06:00

Today, my girlfriend was cool with me having a side piece, until she found out it was a gay guy. She kicked me out and dumped me. I texted him, asking if I could crash on his couch for a while. He thought I wanted a relationship, and cut me off when I said I wasn't interested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 1 786

By Anonymous - 18/07/2013 09:29 - Canada - Cornwall

Today, my pre-teen brother has started using the entire Axe line because he believes that it will give him an "edge with the ladies". He insists on using the products at least three times a day, including before bedtime. I'm allergic to anything that is perfumed. We share a room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 654

You deserved it 3 624

By Chandler - 16/09/2011 19:26 - United States

Today, in a desperate bid to avoid going to the doctor, my young son ran into and hid inside a cactus garden. I had to drag him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 880

You deserved it 2 948

By blakeintheoffice - 08/08/2012 13:53 - United States

Today, my insane boss decided I poop too much. Now, every time I go to the bathroom, he follows me in and tries to get me to hurry up by reading passages from 50 Shades of Grey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 507

You deserved it 3 733

By ForeverAlone - 15/09/2011 21:46 - Canada

Today, I was at my cousin's house. We weren't spending time together because he was always texting. After a couple of minutes, I got jealous. I played a ringtone on my cell, and "answered" it. I had a whole conversation with nobody in an attempt to seem somewhat more popular than a 10-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 667

You deserved it 29 248

By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 08:45 - Canada

Today, my best friend was fired from the place we both work at because she's a bad employee. After they fired her she said, "If I go, I'm taking my best friend with me." So they fired me too. I actually liked that job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 296

You deserved it 4 161

Homophobia is wack

By Anonymous - 15/02/2022 04:00

Today, my mother refuses to believe I’m gay because I’m too handsome. Apparently only really ugly men can be gay, because they’re too ugly to get women, and choose to date other ugly guys instead. I can’t believe I came out of that bigoted, racist, scumbucket's womb. The thought makes me sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 189

You deserved it 450

Time to move

By Anonymous - 13/05/2023 03:00

Today, when a discussion with my roommate veered into politics, he made it clear he thinks I'm an instrument of his oppression because I'm not a communist. I pay rent and utilities, and buy groceries. He and his wife take up most of the space in the apartment and I keep the secret that she never stopped cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 316

By Anonymous - 14/09/2011 18:21 - United States

Today, I finished the first month of a diet and exercise program designed to help me lose weight. To keep myself motivated, I have avoided the scale the entire time. I weighed myself today. I've gained 6 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 707

You deserved it 5 964

No good deed…

By busmanhoe - 14/12/2009 11:19 - Norway

Today, I was sitting on the bus to the gym. I saw that an old woman needed help to get off the bus, so I got up, and helped her off. When I had finally got her down the stairs the bus closed the doors and drove away. I was in the middle of nowhere and the bus drove away with all my things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 972

You deserved it 4 946

Jimin causing drama time!

By Callie - 06/12/2020 20:02 - United States

Today, my daughter got mad at me for saying I didn't really get the appeal of Kpop. She went off at me, saying that I should "stan BTS" or something to that effect. She's 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 174

By scheisse - 14/07/2013 21:25 - Germany - Herne

Today, I held a house party. For fun, I made sure all the beer was alcohol-free, so I could see which of my friends would be weak-minded enough to end up acting drunk. Three did. I was one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 329

You deserved it 67 576

By StrawberryJuicey - 13/12/2009 18:39 - United States

Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to get sized. I put the card that says my size in my pocket, then went to the movies with my boyfriend. When the person at the counter asked me to hand them my ticket, I reached into my pocket and handed it to them. It wasn't the ticket. It was my bra size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 845

You deserved it 32 295

By Anonymous - 28/05/2009 04:19 - United States

Today, I decided to give blood for the second time. I felt excrutiating pain when she stuck the needle in my arm. Another nurse came running over in a panic. Apparently my inexperienced nurse had put it in my tendon instead of my vein. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 323

You deserved it 2 928

Creepy customer

By Maddy - 16/03/2022 10:00

Today, I went to check why my eyelash lady never replied to my message from two days ago, asking about an appointment, only to see that I apparently accidentally sent her 15 picture messages of nudes I took for my fiancé. No wonder she didn’t reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 1 552

By aru9 - 12/09/2011 19:25 - United States

Today, I met an old friend from high school and his hot girlfriend. I jokingly said she must be blind to go out with him. His response: "Yeah, she is." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 251

You deserved it 37 037

"Friends"

By Anonymous - 12/12/2009 23:16 - United States

Today, I found out why two of my friends race downstairs to each other to the cafeteria everyday at lunch; apparently there's only one free seat at the table with the rest of their friends, and the loser has to eat lunch with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 840

You deserved it 3 158

Trust

By Anonymous - 02/03/2022 12:00

Today, I'm so confused. My husband had a vasectomy years ago, yet a bunch of symptoms and five pregnancy tests all say I’m pregnant. I’ve never cheated on him, but if a baby suddenly appears, there’s no way he won’t think I’m a cheater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 755

You deserved it 218

The invisible man

By Anonymous - 18/05/2023 15:00

Today, all I wanted after a bad week was a takeaway. We had a few houseguests, plus my wife and kids, so the order was on the large side. When it came, the order was perfect, except mine. The only things they forgot were my starter, my main, my side order, and my dessert. Everything else was perfect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 109

By HappyMan - 03/08/2012 02:14 - United States - Corpus Christi

Today, my mom thought I was flying high on weed and nearly grounded me for it. I wasn't high, I was just actually in a good mood for the first time in a few weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 163

You deserved it 2 327

CIA-level batshittery

By fear - 17/12/2020 08:02 - United States - Denver

Today, an angry customer from my old job and punched me in the face before screaming; “You thought you’d seen the last of me?” I moved seven states over and she followed me here just to do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 267

You deserved it 107

Perfect

By steakgoesmoooo - 16/05/2023 00:00

Today, I put my perfectly-broiled steak portion in the microwave to keep it from the cats while it rested. I accidentally hit "cook" instead of "timer". My perfect rare steak is now almost perfectly half-leather and half-charcoal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 887

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Photography Mysterious Neighbours Cute Relatable Family Love NSFW Sex Intimacy Mental health Ironic Embarrassing Haircut Money YouTube Wake up Messy DIY Awkward Cheating Pregnancy Kids Birthday Cats Animals Kittens Dogs Parenting

The Top

Today, I told my boyfriend that I like it when he moans while we're having sex. Unfortunately, he interpreted that as "milk it". The sound is so obnoxious, it's starting to ruin the sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 735

You deserved it 27 287

Today, I called the company with whom I had a job interview last week, which I thought went great, but hadn't heard back from. One of the interviewers claimed that I tried to grope her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 292

You deserved it 3 092

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a long blowjob and had to pause for a minute because my mouth became exceedingly dry. His solution? Spit directly in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 806

You deserved it 992

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years responded to my opening up about how I felt like I was always put on the back burner, was to ghost me for a week, and break up via text. Don't worry though, we can still be friends and maybe later, when he's ready, start the relationship again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 212

Today, my daughter found out there was a vacant seat left in first class on our flight and damn if she didn’t pounce on the opportunity to get bumped up into it so fast, because she, “like, deserved a break.” She left me in economy class for a 10-hour flight with her 3 year old and 1 year-old with teething pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 247

Today, I found out that all the allegations made against my father were false. I tried to apologize for not standing by him, but he punched me in the face and told me that he hated me. My nose is broken. I won't press charges because I know I deserve it, but… FML

I agree, your life sucks 184

You deserved it 465