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By Miserable - 11/11/2009 07:06 - United States

Today, I did laundry in my apartment complex's laundry room. I put my stuff in the dryer and returned to my room. The sign on the door says the laundry room closes at 10 pm, but that's rarely true. Tonight it was. I have to wait until 8 am. I work at 7:30. My work clothes are in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 644

You deserved it 41 159

By Anonymous - 27/04/2009 06:24 - United States

Today, I was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. After writing the ticket, he asked me why I was wearing a surgical mask. I told him that swine flu was found in our area and I was scared. He thought that I was insulting him and wrote me another ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 337

You deserved it 16 704

By teegtwo - 22/07/2014 05:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend said we can't have sex with the light on anymore. He said he can never finish because the face I make when I orgasm makes him laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 055

You deserved it 27 010

Make it stop

By ughhhh - 10/11/2009 17:04 - United States

Today, my roommate's boyfriend told me he would be driving the several hours EVERY weekend to come see his girlfriend. As a couple, they are constantly all over each other, and can't seem to break out of the annoying baby talk voice. Plus, they like to kick me out of the room to do stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 417

You deserved it 5 766

Great start to the day

By Anonymous - 27/02/2021 02:01

Today, I had to catch a bus to work, as my car had to be taken in yesterday. The bad drivers always upset my stomach with their instant stop/start driving style. I felt a burp coming on, but it turned out to be projectile vomit that filled my mask right up and poured down my shirt and pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 251

You deserved it 220

Ah, push it! Push it real good!

By Jeff99 - 12/01/2025 03:00 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I walked into a "pull" door after confidently telling someone, "It's this way, I know this place like the back of my hand." The sound of my forehead hitting the glass kinda proved otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 509

Roommates from hell

By Failure - 09/11/2009 22:13 - United States

Today, I was taking a final test online that would account for 65% of my final grade, for which I'd worked extremely hard. I had one submission for the test, and my roommate thought it would be funny to click the "Submit All" Button while I was getting a glass of water. I got a 13%. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 274

You deserved it 3 511

It doesn't exist

By getafucktoysomewhereelsedude - 16/05/2013 20:31 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had to listen to yet another delusional fuckface at school bitch about how a girl he's interested in put him in the "friendzone". I really couldn't focus on my work, so I tried to shut him up by saying he's an idiot, not least because she already has a boyfriend. I now have a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 431

You deserved it 17 344

Dad pranks '09

By PISSED - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Germany

Today, I finally got a date with one of the hottest girls in school, a perfect 10. Just before I go to pick her up to go to the movies, I called her to find out where she lives. She answered the phone, only to hear my father yelling in the background, "STOP TALKING TO THAT WHORE." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 690

You deserved it 5 313

Help!

By LtlCheeseburger - 31/05/2012 18:15 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I was shopping, and tried on a skirt that was a size smaller than usual, thinking that I would fit in. Not only did it not fit, neither I nor the sales assistant could get it off me, because the zip got stuck. She had to cut me out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 526

You deserved it 29 495

By 88_OP - 25/07/2011 02:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I returned home from a three-week vacation. None of my friends realized I'd been gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 488

You deserved it 3 968

By sadparty - 06/11/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, I suffered a mental breakdown. I told my roommates about it, and they decided to throw a very loud party while I was sobbing in my room, unable to sleep. My Xanax prescription ran out, I have no more sick days, and I have to wake up in two hours to work a ten hour day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 161

You deserved it 7 535

By The Bearded Woman - 29/05/2012 04:06 - Canada - Kelowna

Today, I had to teach my younger brother to shave with a regular disposable razor because our dad uses an electric one and I'm the only other person in the family with enough facial hair to know how to use a razor. I probably would have been proud if I wasn't a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 954

You deserved it 2 900

By secondchild - 12/07/2019 14:00

Today, my parents spent more time, money, and effort on my boyfriend's birthday present than they ever have on any of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 584

You deserved it 195

What's going on?

By Anonymous - 31/01/2025 09:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I wanted to surprise my girlfriend by cleaning the entire house while she was at work. I even lit incense to make it extra special. When she came home, she walked in, sniffed, and immediately accused me of "cheating or something" because "only guilt makes you clean this much." She also blamed me for adding more dust by burning incense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 97

By Never Work With Animals or Children - 26/05/2012 11:06 - United States - Van Nuys

Today, I ran out of the house after my dog, tripped and knocked myself out on the railing by the front step. I woke up to my little brother lifting up the back of my dress for the neighborhood to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 226

You deserved it 2 641

Definitely maybe

By Anonymous - 05/06/2022 00:00

Today, my marriage is more or less over, as my wife is so career-obsessed that when I asked if we could spend some time together, she rolled her eyes and gave me permission to sleep with other women, since sex is all I think about. I didn’t ask for sex, just time together. Definitely over I think. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 038

You deserved it 202

Nice timing, Shitgibbon

By Heartbroken and shocked - 25/08/2023 00:02

Today, on the first day of school, my husband decided it was the perfect time to announce that he’s leaving because he’s seeing another woman. He already had his suitcase packed, and vanished. Now I have to take my kids to school, crying over their dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 106

Denied

By Anonymous - 02/02/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I woke up with a raging hard on. My wife, who was also awake, felt it when I pressed against her. She said, "No thank you," got up, and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 205

By Anonymous - 07/05/2013 12:48 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, it's my birthday. I worked late, so I was looking forward to spending a quiet evening with my husband. When he suggested we go grocery shopping, I got excited thinking he had organized a surprise party or something. He actually just took me grocery shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 203

You deserved it 9 702

Squeak scene

By Anonymous - 25/08/2023 14:00 - Australia

Today, I wore new shoes to work. Little did I expect, once in contact with the linoleum floor in the building, my shoes started making a squeak at every step. I sounded like a toy rubber duck every time I walked down the hallway. The whole workplace has the same lino everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 115

By man2 - 23/09/2010 11:18 - Ireland

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I was unsuccessful at a job interview, and she didn't want to be with someone who "has no future". She's unemployed too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 156

You deserved it 4 058

By UnluckyJulie - 02/11/2009 06:12 - United States

Today, it was my 17th birthday. I didn't want my family to spend money on a cake, so my dad made this delicious apple ring. At least, it was great until my mouth began to itch and my throat closed. I have been allergic to nuts since birth, and my dad put walnuts in my birthday cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 399

You deserved it 2 703

Cheeky

By Anonymous - 22/09/2010 08:17 - United States

Today, I got into an argument with my boyfriend, who recently had to move away, about not calling me enough. Apparently his moving had meant that we were now taking a break, he just forgot to talk it over with me. He still wants to visit, and keep the relationship in bed alive though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 714

You deserved it 4 373

By shutupandsmile18 - 18/04/2009 02:32 - United States

Today, I was petting my cat when my new mood ring turned bright purple. I checked the piece of paper that came with the ring and saw that purple meant I was feeling "hot, sexy, and passionate." According to my ring, I'm hot for my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 073

You deserved it 16 875

This is fine

By Anonymous - 16/07/2011 23:09 - United States

Today, I was given a DUI while in the Whataburger drive thru. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 875

You deserved it 46 330

By iGotSkill - 31/10/2009 01:32 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her mom who had passed away years ago told her that I was cheating on her, telepathically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 332

You deserved it 2 905

Take them back to the shop

By When it rains it pours - 12/06/2022 18:00

Today, after a night of back pain, fatigue, and wrestling with my crying, screaming son, who couldn’t sleep, I woke up to find my laptop wouldn’t power on because my daughter spilled ice cream on it. I need my laptop for my new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 168

Flustered

By Anonymous - 14/02/2025 00:00 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I went to a coffee shop to meet a potential client. As soon as I sat down, I knocked my coffee over, and it splashed all over my lap. I tried to play it off by making a joke, but I hadn’t brought a spare pair of pants, and the client turned up just as I was mopping my crotch with paper towels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 140

Wish you were here

By Pooped - 12/05/2022 18:00

Today, I found out my coworker faked having COVID so she could go on vacation. I guess she forgot that we follow each other on Instagram. I saw all her pictures of her drinking and at the beach enjoying herself. I’ve been doing the bulk of her work and staying overtime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 130

You deserved it 123

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The Top

Today, being jobless and all, I tried calling my dad for a job after my many years of pride. He invited me to an interview to compete against 10 people, probably more qualified than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 092

You deserved it 7 232

Today, my daughter had the words "Always classy, never trashy" tattooed across her lower back in crappy cursive lettering. She doesn't understand the irony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 225

You deserved it 3 894

Today, I received my fourth rejection email from McDonald's after applying for one position with them a few weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 105

You deserved it 322

Today, I found out that the person I love, who is also a friend, is now in a relationship with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 149

Today, I went to check why my eyelash lady never replied to my message from two days ago, asking about an appointment, only to see that I apparently accidentally sent her 15 picture messages of nudes I took for my fiancé. No wonder she didn’t reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 1 552

Today, I did a pregnancy announcement with my boyfriend and our families. My boyfriend acted happy until we were driving home, then claimed I pressured him with witnesses, started to cry because he doesn’t want kids, and by the end was begging me to give it up for adoption. FML

I agree, your life sucks 353

You deserved it 915