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By Anonymous - 09/07/2014 20:49 - United States

Today, my road rage got so out of hand that I'm now actually inclined to honk obnoxiously at my computer when it's being slow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 858

You deserved it 17 258

By fartmaster - 22/04/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, I was in a tour group going through a cave and our guide stopped, turned off the lights, and told us to be quiet so we could feel absolute silence. I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 111

Little Man Syndrome

By Anonymous - 29/05/2022 02:00

Today, my boyfriend suffers from Little Man Syndrome and I’m thinking of dumping him, because last night was the seventh time in a year I had to pick him up from hospital after he deliberately picked a fight with a guy bigger than himself and got knocked out. Now he has black eyes and no front teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 193

By hatemyjob - 05/11/2009 09:44 - Australia

Today, I found out that the new receptionist earns more than I do. I'm an undergraduate accountant and I've been working there for 2 years. Oh and I started out as the receptionist before I got a "promotion". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 775

You deserved it 2 494

Any damage? Who nose?

By Anonymous - 09/07/2019 14:00 - Colombia - Bogot?

Today, it's the seventh day after my nose job. I was taking something out of a box and pulled too hard. I punched myself in the nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 525

You deserved it 721

By bad in the sack - 05/07/2014 04:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 209

You deserved it 11 478

The Voice

By legit247 - 10/05/2013 04:44 - United States - Moscow Mills

Today, working at a fast food restaurant, I was cleaning dishes in the back. I started to sing to myself. During the chorus I heard the echo of my voice in my ear. My boss had pushed the talk button on my headset so every staff member and everyone in the lobby could hear me over the intercom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 802

You deserved it 9 471

By reality_stricken - 04/11/2009 14:00 - Guam

Today, I told my boyfriend I was afraid he would no longer love me when he returned from basic training. Hoping he would reassure me his feelings wouldn't change and we'd still be together, he replied instead, "Shit happens." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 451

You deserved it 8 179

By Chip - 21/04/2009 10:51 - Australia

Today, I went to a cosmetic dentist and got a chip in my tooth filled in that I’d had since I was 7. I went out later and my friend jokingly hit my head against the table a few times to make fun of me showing off my teeth. He slipped. I fell. I now have 2 chipped teeth and a broken nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 475

You deserved it 10 452

By FIM - 12/01/2017 15:18

Today, in response to a text asking if I wanted to meet for brunch, I wrote, "Oh dear god I'm so hungover I could die and I'm still in my same clothes from last night. Not a chance." It was our 5-year college reunion and the number I sent that to was actually an old professor, not an old friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 280

You deserved it 5 066

By whinywiper - 25/05/2012 15:10 - Canada

Today, I realized that the reason there is no toilet paper in the house is because both my parents are too stubborn to be the one who goes out to buy more. It's been five days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 513

You deserved it 3 812

Damn Luke

By So not a Luke - 11/03/2021 14:01 - United Kingdom

Today, a very large guy came up and asked if I was Luke. Before I could explain that Luke’s my cousin and that we do look like twins, he picked me up off the ground and hung me by my belt loops from a metal fence, telling me to stay away from his aunt. I had to undo my pants in public to climb down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 514

You deserved it 135

Controlling

By Anonymous - 04/02/2025 03:00 - United States - Stevenson

Today, my mom took my phone away because of a huge mistake I made, which we need to go to court for. I own the actual phone but they pay for the line. I'm autistic with severe anxiety. I'm also 34 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204

You deserved it 672

By whoops - 29/06/2014 20:37 - United States - Hicksville

Today, my mom told me to take out the trash. I thought it would be a good idea to Hulk-smash it into the can. I missed. The bag ripped and garbage flew everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 340

You deserved it 60 968

It's all too much

By twistedelegance - 19/07/2019 04:00

Today, I failed my driving test, and didn't get my great new job that a buddy helped me get. He got fired, and they won't hire me because he recommended me, regardless of how qualified for the job and how great the interview went. He called to tell me an hour before my driving test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 791

You deserved it 178

Classic japes and scrapes

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Japan

Today, I went for a run to try and work on getting in shape. Nine steps in, I slipped in some slimy moss, almost broke my hip on the pavement, and gashed open my elbow. I'll be surprised if I can walk straight in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 597

You deserved it 4 100

Abalaschabalamanama

By help meeeee - 14/03/2021 17:01

Today, and ever since we watched a documentary about televangelists scamming people, my boyfriend randomly imitates them speaking "in tongues" because he knows it freaks me out. He's really good at it as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 817

You deserved it 186

By Anonymous - 03/05/2013 15:00 - United States

Today, my boss fired me for acting "inappropriately" at work. I gave him a hug. He's my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 332

You deserved it 8 703

By cganon - 21/09/2010 12:44 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in a store when a child looked at me and said to his mother "look at that tall man!" His mother replied "he's an evil giant isn't he, darling?" I then mimed being an evil giant to make the kid laugh. His mother slapped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 712

You deserved it 5 031

Impasse

By Anonymous - 30/08/2023 04:00

Today, my wife and I have a perfect life together, nice house, nice cars, fun hobbies, fun holidays, love each other, lots of sex and so on. After 12 years of marital bliss, she wants to ruin all that by having a baby, and has even threatened divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 1 037

Bad boy

By sandra - 20/09/2010 06:13 - United States

Today, I was working with some shelter puppies transporting them to the vet's. I got all of the puppies in but one, and when I went to pull him out, I realized he had gotten car sick. Before I could stop it happening, he wagged his vomit-covered tail and hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 763

You deserved it 3 126

Cheers, asshat

By gross - 15/07/2011 01:09 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was playing my guitar outside my apartment building, and some people had put some money in my guitar case. One guy threw in what I thought was a crumpled piece of paper or something. It was actually a used condom. It leaked all over the money and my case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 402

You deserved it 5 047

Friends indeed

By Anonymous - 11/09/2023 05:41 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my best friend of 18 years decided she'd rather continue sleeping with her brother-in-law/my ex fiance against her husband's wishes, than continue our friendship. All I asked is that she back away from him before she ruined her marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 988

You deserved it 183

KittyT tells us more.

KittyT 13

Sunday 10 September 2023 15:53

the marriage will be ruined when everyone else realises she is a *****, the husband is standing beside her despite being broken that she wants his brother... the friendship is ending both because she knows what my ex did to me and because she kept trying to force me to hang out with them so they could hook up as well as her trying to hook up with any of my guy friends. not to mention getting mad at me for refusing to lie to everyone who asked if they were hooking up and if that's what ended our relationship... it's only part of it, I certainly didn't enjoy seeing the man I was going to marry try **** my best friend, in my bed... with me in it while we were supposed to be watching a movie... all cause at my house she could do what she wanted out of her husband's view.

Thwack

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, in marching band, the guy in front of me backed up too far. As we turned, the back of his trombone hit mine, smashing it into my lip. I had to finish the song, all while sending blood down my horn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 134

You deserved it 4 215

Get on with it

By InnocenceBlue - 31/07/2019 12:00

Today, I finally managed to get my electrician boyfriend to agree to replace our old lights, after a year of asking. Saturday, he couldn't be bothered and Sunday he came down with a mysterious man flu. This is about the 10th time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 756

You deserved it 356

Addiction under any name

By Anonymous - 08/09/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I had sex with a guy on our third date. We'd just finished having sex and he was blatantly on Tinder right next to me in bed. I literally hadn’t moved yet and he still had a wet boner, and yet he was on Tinder looking for his next hookup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 391

By Anonymous - 27/04/2013 16:35 - Denmark

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because he says I need to learn how to be happy without relying on him. I'm not a clinger, I'm just unhappy because my dad recently passed away, my best friend turned on me, and I lost out on the exchange program of my dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 297

You deserved it 4 124

STI TMI

By Anonymous - 17/05/2022 22:00 - United States - Cumberland

Spicy

Today, at my physical, I found out that my ex-boyfriend who broke up with me 4 months ago was not only cheating on me, but had also manage to catch chlamydia and give it to me. I'm now dating someone else, so I had to explain that I've had chlamydia for 4 months without knowing, and he should probably get tested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 790

You deserved it 263

By Anonymous - 14/05/2012 03:14 - United States

Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 814

You deserved it 3 071

By fatface - 13/04/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me when my face was going to go back to normal after being swollen from having my wisdom teeth taken out last week. My face is back to normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 242

You deserved it 3 787

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The Top

The Top

Today, at daycare, a mother congratulated me for having such a kind and well-behaved little girl. The three daycare workers laughed out loud. One had to sit down. Another wiped away a tear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 168

Today, my neighbor's sons decided it would be funny to throw rocks at my house. I went outside to scold them and saw my other neighbors gathered around, watching. They didn't stop them because they thought I wasn't home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 554

You deserved it 3 693

Today, my computer stopped connecting to the corporate network. I know what the problem is, but our tech support is so clueless that the only thing they do is utter the dreaded words, "Did you try turning it off and back on?" Meanwhile my boss is yelling at me for not getting any work done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 651

You deserved it 3 549

Today, my friend caught me watching a movie on Oxygen instead of the Super Bowl. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 291

You deserved it 32 481

Today, I found out the Tinder girl I'd ghosted after going on a date with her committed suicide. They came to me for answers because I was the last known person that ever talked to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 327

You deserved it 866

Today, I found an upside to being morbidly obese. My partner got a flat tyre, and the bolts had rusted tight, making it impossible for him to turn the wrench. I had to put my substantial weight behind it, and in the end we managed to get them all off by me jumping on the wrench each time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 484