The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By stillkindahorny - 13/09/2011 05:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been seeing. It took him longer to put the condom on than it did to finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 865

You deserved it 4 746

By abc - 27/05/2009 10:15 - Pakistan

Today, I took my friends out to an expensive restaurant for my birthday treat. They had arranged for a surprise birthday cake for me which I cut, very happily, while they chanted birthday wishes. When the bill came, I discovered I was supposed to pay for my great 'surprise' cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 457

You deserved it 5 372

Hedging your bets

By Anonymous - 13/12/2020 11:02 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I realized I've been avoiding a doctor's visit for issues, because it might be less painful to go out that way than to see how much more a crapshoot 2021 would be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 182

Yikes

By fashionista1787 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had a creepy old guy with awful body odor in my salon. As I was washing his hair, he brought up how he wants to start a garden, and how a woman's monthly flow weirdly helps to make it grow. Then he asked me if I could save up my used tampons for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 516

You deserved it 2 575

By Anonymous - 19/11/2010 21:20 - United States

Today, stood in line for hours to see the new Harry Potter. Unfortunately, once inside the theater, I was stuck in the bathroom with the runs for the entire length of the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 963

You deserved it 7 035

By Leo_RxXx - 26/05/2009 12:18 - United States

Today, I was getting off of work, talking to my boss, and I asked if I could get a ride home, since my usual ride was too lazy to come get me. He said, sure, but to be really careful since he'd just had his car detailed. I was getting in the car, tripped, and threw my hot cocoa all inside of his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 165

You deserved it 21 587

Daddy's… boy

By Anonymous - 11/03/2022 12:01

Today, it's been a week my husband started pouting since I gave birth to our third and final baby, who is also our third boy. He’s pouting that he didn’t get the daughter he wanted. It’s so cute watching him sulk, but he’s also a pain in the ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 194

You deserved it 253

By drurbanXVII - 25/05/2009 21:42 - United States

Today, while playing The Sims 2, I realized I had a virtual person's whole life planned out, and have nothing planned out for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 266

You deserved it 49 364

It's not a phase!

By Anonymous - 22/05/2023 10:00

Today, my airheaded daughter actually thinks her rich businessman boyfriend, who is a whole 20 years older than her, loves her and only her, and will obviously marry her someday. No matter how badly he mistreats her, she won’t listen to me. Man does she have a major wake up call coming… FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 156

By mac_miller55 - 31/07/2012 16:47 - United States - Lansdowne

Today, I was swimming with my friends at the local pool. My friend pushed me under, and as I came up for air, my hand stroked a hairy leg. It turns out I had caressed the leg of an old man who had been swimming laps. He spent the next half hour creepily smiling at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 652

You deserved it 2 252

mac_miller55 tells us more.

mac_miller55 2

Wednesday 1 August 2012 4:47

I posted this and I am a girl

It's the thought that counts, or something

By Henji - 10/12/2009 22:21 - United States

Today, I gave a girl I like a $200 diamond necklace to express how much she means to me. She gave me a hug and told me she didn't want to lose me as a friend. Nor did she want to lose her new necklace. Today, I got a $200 hug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 083

You deserved it 41 990

Gamers rise up

By Anonymous - 25/03/2022 16:00 - United States

Today, I had a rough day and just let it all out while I was gaming. A random stranger actually replied to me, genuinely concerned, and I proceeded to vent about all my problems. It was only after they left that I realized a random stranger on the Internet now cares more about my mental health than my own family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055

You deserved it 170

Tough road ahead

By grossedout - 08/09/2011 06:34 - Reserved

Spicy

Today, at work, I met a new client for the first time. Apparently he thought it would be a good idea to get drunk beforehand and spend the whole appointment telling me about his 9-inch "drill bit." I have to try and find this guy a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 326

You deserved it 2 589

By Imretarded - 24/05/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, I saw my mom naked as she came out of the shower. I realized that's the first time I've ever seen a naked woman. I'm a 24 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 044

You deserved it 13 610

Patient confidentiality

By Anonymous - 04/04/2022 00:01

Today, I got a mammogram, after feeling some discomfort. After the exam, I mentioned to my mother my doctor referred the test, because even though I'm still in my twenties, I have a family history of breast cancer. She told coworkers, friends, and family about my health condition. Now they all know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 128

Understanding

By Vince - 27/03/2022 12:00

Today, my parents told me they won’t be attending my wedding, all because my fiancée is the woman I cheated on my ex with and left her for. What they fail to understand is that people and hearts change. It wouldn’t be fair to remain by my ex’s side while being in love with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 316

You deserved it 2 766

Catfishing 101

By jquaw - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Brockville

Today, I realized the sweet, sensitive girl I was talking to on a dating site was actually my brother trolling me for fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 253

You deserved it 6 317

Oh no…

By Anonymous - 05/07/2013 23:34 - United States - Houston

Today, I was telling my girlfriend about how my parents are flying out to Japan today on vacation. She was shocked at how short the flight will be, because "It's on the other side of the world." We live in the USA, and it seems I'm dating a Flat Earther. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 256

You deserved it 7 455

By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 08:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over with a broken engraved bracelet that I paid 50 dollars for. I was angry but when I stated, "I'm going to call them and get a new one!" my boyfriend said back to me, "No it's okay, I didn't really like it anyways." It was for our two year anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 090

You deserved it 15 248

Not to mention the muffled dialogue

By Anonymous - 30/05/2023 15:00 - Germany

Today, I thought of the saying “TV killed the radio star”, because in the show I'm currently watching it is so dark most of the time that you can neither see people’s faces, nor what is actually happening. If that’s modern television, we might just as well go back to radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 548

You deserved it 192

Ironic

By Anonymous - 20/03/2022 16:00

Today, my dad yelled at me for using legal marijuana to help treat my potentially terminal cancer, which is kind of hypocritical for the man who spent significant portions of my childhood in jail for selling cocaine to rich high school kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 273

You deserved it 111

Raincheck?

By jib - 09/04/2022 14:00 - United States - Kilgore

Today, I was suffering from some gastric distress. While on my way to a job interview, I slipped on some concrete that was wet due to a recent slight rain shower. I didn't fall. I DID shit my pants though. I walked back home slowly in shame to clean up the mess. I didn't make it to the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 041

You deserved it 132

By paedra - 22/09/2014 21:15 - United States - New York

Today, a new fire alarm system is being installed in my building. Not only does the alarm go off incessantly, but the elevators stop running when it happens. I live on the 12th floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 790

You deserved it 3 103

paedra tells us more.

paedra 23

Thursday 25 September 2014 1:49

Hey this is my post! They've actually been working on the fire alarm system for a few months, but this is the first time I needed to use the elevators when they were out. I needed to pee really badly so I ran up the stairs (in business attire) only for them to start working as soon as I got to my floor!

By Panda_Bearr - 03/09/2011 04:33 - United States

Today, it was my last day at my dad's. I thought he'd want to say goodbye, instead he told me, "Hope you've got all your shit. Anything you leave, I'm burning." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 723

You deserved it 2 733

By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 21:40 - Denmark

Today, the weather man announced that today's forecast will include heavy rain and hail in my city. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal. However, my house has no roof at the moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 211

You deserved it 4 621

Red circle gang

By lala - 11/11/2010 02:49 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were flipping through magazines and got on the topic of how airbrushed the girls were. My boyfriend then pointed out all of the flaws on my body that would need to be airbrushed away if I was in a magazine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 744

You deserved it 4 741

By Magaña.i.am - 16/04/2019 16:00

Today, I was halfway through eating a what I though was a delicious sandwich, when I turned it over and saw nasty green mold on the bread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 786

You deserved it 559

Feeling ignored

By Anonymous - 27/02/2022 00:01

Today, I actually had to spell out to my parents that if you don't want someone to repeat the same thing several times, you have to acknowledge that you're listening to them. I've had several occasions where I said something to them 3-5 times, thinking they weren't listening, but then they snapped, "WE HEARD YOU!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 190

Love is…

By Anonymous - 06/06/2023 18:00

Spicy

Today, my wife has been angry since she walked in on me masturbating. In our hotel room. In NYC. That I booked for our anniversary. That she doesn’t want to leave. Or have sex in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 204

You deserved it 317

By Robin - 12/03/2012 11:57 - Russia

Today, my university fridge is so small that the cucumber I bought doesn’t fit either lengthwise or widthwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 83

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Wake up Messy DIY Embarrassing Awkward Love Cute Cheating Pregnancy Kids Family Money Birthday Cats Animals Kittens Dogs Parenting Crush Work Painful Sports Vacation Parents Babysitter AITA Holidays Friends Annoying

The Top

The Top

Today, I had to abandon my normal duties and help out the electrician my boss called, all because my boss couldn't handle speaking to him since he was attractive. She's in her fifties. I'm in my twenties and I'm the more mature one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 908

You deserved it 916

Today, I had a music duet in front of a crowd and 3 judges. I play tuba and my partner plays the saxophone. He burst out laughing in the middle of it because one note that I played sounded like a fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 311

You deserved it 4 623

Today, I was walking to a meeting and saw two girls trying to jump start a car in the rain. Thinking I'd be a gentleman and help them, I offered to assist. The girl whose car is broken down looks at me, looks at her friend, and says, "I think we'd better call the police." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 127

You deserved it 3 263

Today, I had six long hours with the same math teacher. To get home, I travel by bus. Guess who sat down next to me for the whole trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 743

You deserved it 2 509

Today, I took my temperature since I've had a cold for a few days. After reading the display, I noticed the sheath had "Lily" written on it. Lily is our golden retriever. It was in her ass yesterday after she had a seizure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 194

You deserved it 1 564

Today, I ran into my aunt I hadn’t seen since I was a child. My mom told me she took off and stopped speaking to everyone. After lunch, I asked her why she left. She said our whole family ostracized her for aborting her abusive husband’s baby and divorcing him instead of "making it work." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 433

You deserved it 125