The Top

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Scammers gonna scam

By BlackHoleSun. - 05/06/2022 16:00

Today, it was the day that I had been waiting for weeks to arrive: I finally finished the hiring process for my new job… Only to find out not only my paycheck, but the job itself was fake. Thanks Indeed, my first new bank account after years of debt, my disability, and my will to live greatly appreciate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055

You deserved it 155

By SSeizeTheDay - 03/05/2013 20:52 - United States - Medford

Today, I was berated by a pharmacist, who said that kids these days are on so many unnecessary medications for "fake diseases". I was just trying to pick up the medication I've been prescribed to control my epilepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 891

You deserved it 2 952

SSeizeTheDay tells us more.

SSeizeTheDay 9

Saturday 4 May 2013 9:19

In retrospect it probably was the pharmacy tech who made the comment, I'm never sure who's who behind the counter. Regardless, I'll be calling the store in the morning to report them and figure out if I need to do anything else to get their ass fired. Also, just for the record epilepsy is far from a "mild ailment". I consider myself lucky that I've come away from most of my seizures scoff free. But even so, I've broken three ribs, had a concussion, and incurred facial scarring from falling when I seize. Not to mention that my short term memory is shot to hell and with every seizure I have I run the risk of further cognitive decline. But yeah, the medicine is definitely unnecessary. Right.

By Anonymous - 31/10/2009 23:37 - United States

Today, it was Halloween, and I was giving candy to kids. When a group of kids who looked like they were around 4 years old came up to me and said, "Hey mister, do you have one of those things that make it look like you are fat under your shirt?" I didn't have one of those, but I lied and said, "Yes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 046

You deserved it 6 546

Pay attention

By stickyickystone - 21/07/2019 14:12

Today, I got my hand caught in a belt sander while sanding down what was supposed to become a "Caution" sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 668

You deserved it 379

By jcdc - 20/05/2012 15:03 - United States - Georgetown

Today, I spilled boiling water on my legs. A coworker told me that putting mustard on the burn would heal it. I ended up at the emergency room. When people walked by I could hear them say "it smells like hot dogs". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 432

You deserved it 8 839

By McKenna - 16/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 433

You deserved it 17 931

Mummy's boy

By Anonymous - 22/03/2021 17:01

Today, my boyfriend's mum said she won't stop us from seeing each other, yet she'll only allow me to see him for 30 minutes a day, for 2 days a week, and gets mad if he sees me for any longer, because "mother knows best." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 141

By longtriphome - 15/07/2011 02:22 - United States

Today, I met my long distance girlfriend after two years of being separated by 900 miles. She brought her short distance boyfriend to the meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 327

You deserved it 7 309

Bunch of bankers

By WTF - 30/10/2009 10:11 - United States

Today, my bank overdrafted my account to pay a bill that isn't due until next month. When I called them, they said they would fix the mistake, but I have to restore the account to zero before they'll give me my money back. So, I have to pay for my own money with the money they won't give me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 457

You deserved it 2 252

Slippin' up

By Caroline - 14/02/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I walked into my office, rocking my new noise-canceling headphones. Turns out, they work so well that I didn’t hear my coworker trying to warn me about the wet floor. Now I’m the proud owner of a bruised hip and a security camera video making the rounds on our Slack channels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 197

You deserved it 447

By Unhappymothersday - 17/05/2012 20:41 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I woke up to the sound of my car being stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 540

You deserved it 2 181

By Anonymous - 16/05/2012 17:02 - United States - Houston

Today, I finally got the chance to meet this wonderful guy I met on a dating site. She was very excited to see me, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 941

You deserved it 5 607

It's alive!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I decided I'd take a nap in my car because I got to work very early. As I was waking up from my nap, I saw a cop looking right at me. Turns out, a lady who'd parked her car right next to mine after I was asleep had called the cops on me because she thought I was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 870

You deserved it 4 411

The asshats always win

By Iabnysmwytm - 27/03/2021 21:30 - United States - Bluffton

Today, I finally had enough of my coworker mocking and misgendering my transgender daughter, so I screamed at him. I got written up and suspended without pay for 2 weeks. He got praise from our boss for handling the situation with class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 528

You deserved it 1 244

By Anonymous - 28/10/2009 05:42 - New Zealand

Today, I met up with a girl I've been talking to on the internet for a year and a half. Turns out she edits her moustache out of all her photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 345

You deserved it 35 396

You tried

By LostAlice - 28/03/2021 17:01

Today, I requested a deadline extension at work. The extension was granted, but it didn't apply to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 93

Punctuality

By Broke - 17/05/2022 06:00

Today, I came into work to have my supervisor call me into her office, then her telling me to pack my things and get out. Apparently, just because they haven’t been saying anything about you being habitually late for work doesn’t mean that they don’t care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 237

You deserved it 3 382

Cost of living crisis

By Dentistrysux - 22/02/2025 09:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I was telling my mom about how my dentist lectured me for not doing a cleaning in the past 5 years. I haven’t been able to do so because of affordability. My mom asked, “How about the thousands of dollars you spend in concert tickets and plane tickets to party and slut out with your friends every year?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 1 262

By Anonymous - 13/04/2009 04:39 - United States

Today, I was on a small plane. A flight attendant told us that there was too much weight in the front of the plane and they needed 3 people to move to the back of the plane. I volunteer and walk to the back. She says, "Okay, we're going to need 1 more person." FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 306

You deserved it 12 121

The weirdos are reproducing

By pregz - 25/04/2013 00:18 - United States - Vancouver

Today, while grocery shopping, I was having such terrible abdominal pains I could hardly walk. As I'm 8 months pregnant, I told my husband we should head home. He thought a better idea was to run through the store and hide from me, hoping to induce labor by making me chase him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 238

You deserved it 4 401

Prevention

By CalyenaL - 13/05/2012 01:35 - Mexico - Tijuana

Today, I'm found out I'm pregnant. My husband and I spoke at length about how we were going to handle things, which included him "forbidding" me from having an epidural, because he doesn't want our baby to "come out addicted to drugs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 831

You deserved it 3 195

By suckmeoff - 12/04/2009 07:21 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My grandma gave me a hug and a check after wishing me a happy birthday and walked away giggling. I was excited because it was the only gift I had gotten all day. Ten minutes later, I realized that it was actually just my tax refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 286

You deserved it 3 504

I read the news today, oh boy

By HeroZeroPlayer - 04/06/2022 06:00

Today, someone came in for an interview. For my position. I wasn’t informed that they were replacing me. I had to set up the room for this interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054

You deserved it 93

Baited

By Anonymous - 11/09/2010 01:44 - United States

Today, while I was driving, a police officer jumped out from the sidewalk and into my lane. I slammed on the brakes so I wouldn't hit him. He then gave me a ticket for "obstructing traffic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 377

You deserved it 2 581

Intrusive thoughts

By Anonymous - 16/06/2022 14:00

Today, at a BBQ, my boyfriend's friend told us, “Oh, this reminds my of the time I got third degree burns on my dick.” He’s been trying to talk to me, and I keep thinking about it how it must look like Freddie Kruger's. I don’t know what I just agreed to help him with, but I’m sure it will be a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 303

I'm too old for this shit

By HateCelebz - 15/09/2023 06:00

Today, I went out for drinks with two 18 year-old girls and a 30 year-old woman. I'm 53, and wanted to hook up with the 30 year-old. She got drunk after an hour and went home in a taxi, meanwhile the two 18 year-olds drank me under the table. I'm sat with them trying to sober up so I can walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 1 043

Nice try

By Anonymous - 14/09/2023 14:00

Today, I fed my husband a vegan beef burger so I could show him that it tastes exactly the same when he didn’t notice. He noticed on the first bite and spat it across the kitchen because he thought the meat had expired before I cooked it, and tasted disgusting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 1 931

BIKES!?

By Emily - 06/07/2011 08:33 - Australia

Today, I got home to three boys riding bikes out in front of my house, smiling at me. I instantly thought they were checking me out, so I smiled sweetly at them. Turns out they were flaunting the fact that they just stole all 3 of our bikes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 734

You deserved it 12 300

Matching

By Clunker - 24/10/2009 05:07 - United States

Today, as I was driving with my boyfriend, he pointed out what a crappy car I drive. About how the locks don't work, the vents are broken, the windshield wipers are busted, my headlights aren't bright, and a hubcap is missing. Then he said I’m a good match for my car, 'cos we have the same “personality". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 978

You deserved it 3 982

A matter of some urgency

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was sitting in my chemistry class when a sick girl behind me asked, "Can I go to the bathroom?" My teacher, being a smart ass said, "Don't you mean MAY I use the bathroom?" Meanwhile, the girl behind me started throwing up all over her desk… and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 687

You deserved it 3 606

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The Top

Today, I was working the night shift when a guy came in smelling like alcohol. He kept muttering his order, so I leaned over the register to hear him better. My ear now smells of vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 871

You deserved it 4 443

Today, my sister's boyfriend said the only thing he'd change about her was her last name. My boyfriend told me he'd change the shape of my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 114

You deserved it 3 787

Today, my excruciating ear pain turned out to be a bastard maggot eating away at all the vital things behind my eardrum. The doctor pulled it out, but I’m now permanently deaf in that ear and can’t balance. I fall if I try to stand or walk further than 5 feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 012

You deserved it 308

Today, looking out of my window, I spotted a fire raging in the building across from my apartment. Grabbing my phone, I dashed out to the balcony, only to slam into the screen door instead. After calling 911, I sprinted back out, only to clock the door a second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 800

You deserved it 419

Today, I wonder about my mental and emotional state as I didn't react whatsoever to a semi that started to pull out in front of my speeding Camaro. If he hadn't seen me, and stopped, I would not be alive to post this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 338

Today, all I wanted was to go on a vacation in April. I've been asking my husband since last April and he begrudgingly booked everything last minute a month before. Now he's cancelled everything he booked due to his dad being sick. I was OK with it, but now I've got no vacations for this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 205

You deserved it 377