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By linzi1771 - 15/12/2018 14:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, in front of my friends, my mom came after me with a pair of tweezers exclaiming, "There's just a couple of hairs on your chin that need to be plucked." I'm a 14 year-old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 617

You deserved it 365

By Anonymous - 06/02/2017 18:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after months of apartment hunting with my boyfriend, he told me he had found a fantastic place that was really inexpensive. It seemed way too good to be true. It was. He took me to a storage unit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 550

You deserved it 645

Get off my lawn!

By control your mutt! - 23/02/2022 22:00

Today, tired of people letting their dogs crap in my yard, I sprinkled an assortment of crushed peppers around my lawn as a deterrent. One dog went to do its business and had some sort of allergic reaction. Now its bitchy owner is threatening to sue me, and tried to have her daughter kick my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 048

You deserved it 425

Stoner

By Stoner - 25/04/2023 12:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was supposed to wash my wife's underwear, then go to work and interview a new educator at 10.30am. I ended up smoking weed, getting stoned, and sitting in my car at 11.00am at a McDonald's. I'm now sitting at my desk and still high as fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 2 170

Ewwwwww

By Anonymous - 11/02/2017 20:00 - United States

Today, I ordered some food to get delivered. When I opened the bag a fly flew out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 117

You deserved it 559

Absent friends

By UnwantedDisappointment - 18/01/2019 00:00

Spicy

Today, I accidentally saw my boyfriend's sexts to a guy he's friends with. He's been turning me down for sex for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 935

You deserved it 265

Psycho

By dating a psycho - 03/02/2022 08:00

Today, I learned that when my girlfriend was a kid, she enjoyed torturing animals for fun. Nice to know she was lying when she said the idea of harming an animal “makes her sick to her stomach.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 121

Obsession by Calvin Klein

By Carrie - 04/12/2020 20:02 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I was at a party with my crush, but I didn’t talk to him. After, I walked out to my car, and saw a dent in my car. I then noticed that the dent was exactly the size of my crush’s head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 354

By Anonymous - 27/02/2019 20:00

Today, one of the customers at work shat all down the side of the toilet and on the floor. They didn’t even try to make it in the bowl. Guess who had to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 281

You deserved it 188

Revenge

By Brilee Bruxvoort - 25/12/2020 16:58 - United States - West Des Moines

Today, after I divorced my husband because of his extreme alcoholism, he's now sober and got his life together and I see the man I fell madly in love with. Apparently, getting better for revenge meant more than getting better for the marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 226

You deserved it 245

Welcome to a movie from 1953

By Anonymous - 26/04/2022 16:00

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to be in the room whilst I gave birth. He offered to wait in the waiting room, but only if I gave birth on a weekend, and if it was a weekday he’d be too busy at work. I reproduced with this guy, and this isn’t the meanest thing he’s ever said to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 622

You deserved it 1 308

Creeped out

By Really jealous - 26/01/2021 05:01 - India

Spicy

Today, my best friend confided in me that she's going to have sex with her cousin. Shocked, I tried to convince her not to and how it's a horrible idea. She called me a jealous bastard who can't get laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 495

You deserved it 246

Not a biology major

By Anonymous - 02/02/2021 00:30

Spicy

Today, after we had sex for the first time, my boyfriend shouted, “Huzzah! My genes will live on!” We used a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 232

To each their own

By Anonymous - 13/12/2024 16:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Spicy

Today, my husband was eating me out when he suddenly lifted up my hips and started licking my asshole. I screamed for him to stop, since it was disgusting. I don't think I can ever have sex again. I can't believe I married someone who would do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 1 061

Good girl

By Anonymous - 28/05/2019 06:00

Today, I went on a Tinder date with a guy who said, "Good girl" whenever I said anything that he agreed with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 047

You deserved it 315

By SGreene - 06/05/2017 20:00

Today, a storm dropped a tree across my road. I would have moved it with my tractor, but there was a tree on that too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 627

You deserved it 350

By swallowsafly - 08/06/2019 04:00

Today, Facebook sent me a new friend suggestion. I opened it only to see that the person suggested was the home wrecker that broke up my marriage 4 years ago. Her cover picture is her and my ex together, along with a group of people that I used to be friends with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 197

You deserved it 150

Chance encounter

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, while browsing through Walmart, I slipped on a piece of clothing and fell backwards into an obese lady’s butt. When I landed, she farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 298

You deserved it 366

By Balls - 27/05/2017 14:00 - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, for my family, my most impressive quality is I can make spaghetti and meatballs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 474

You deserved it 559

Dodged a bullet

By mama - 30/06/2019 07:09

Today, I went to the doctor's office after getting a positive pregnancy test. She did another one to confirm the result, which came back negative. My husband is wandering around with a great big smile on his face, because he isn't going to "have a rugrat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 055

You deserved it 436

Free healthcare for all

By Anonymous - 07/03/2021 02:00

Today, I learned that my MS medication is going to cost 25k a month. My insurance won't cover a cent. I don't even make that much in a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 511

You deserved it 80

Liars, the lot of them

By Anonymous - 24/01/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I learned that every podcast bro is a fucking liar and a vile hypocrite. Men seem to like me, but the minute I tell them I’m a virgin and saving myself for marriage, suddenly they’re gone faster than a spooked horse. What happened to the low/no body count, huh boys?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 499

Relatable

By ariana - 08/03/2021 21:30

Today, after a full year of absolutely zero social interaction, I realized that I don’t miss it. At all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 818

You deserved it 217

By HBCruiser - 14/07/2019 02:30

Today, I’m sitting in my living room, smelling onions frying. My house is all closed up. I’m not cooking anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 524

You deserved it 177

They're all eggheads to me

By sadie - 13/03/2021 23:01

Today, my daughter once again called my boyfriend by the name of an ex-boyfriend. She always does this and she claims it’s because they’re all bald. Can she not remember their very distinct faces? FML

I agree, your life sucks 718

You deserved it 470

Use your socks

By Anonymous - 14/03/2021 05:01 - Norway

Today, I accidentally dropped a whole roll of toilet paper into the toilet. It was my last roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 954

You deserved it 225

By eyebags - 10/10/2016 13:04 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, my roommate observed that if my eyes were turned upside down, they would look the same - and proved it with Photoshop. After a bit of thought, she decided that it's because the bags under my eyes are dark enough to look like eyelids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 509

You deserved it 923

By egnur_mas - 02/08/2017 17:44

Today, while manscaping in the shower, I found out that things can still get caught in the clippers, even with a guard on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 107

You deserved it 779

egnur_mas tells us more.

egnur_mas 19

Wednesday 2 August 2017 13:54

Bridger you're on the right track mate, I'll have to take a little more care from now on. Considering the circumstances I'm still pretty stoked to have my first submitted FML published!

When the Jehova's Witnesses come knocking...

By FML Approved - 28/07/2017 18:30

I'm sorry, I don't remember inviting you over.

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 178

Heist

By well fuck! - 14/08/2019 22:00

Today, I was grocery shopping with my kids. As I was buckling them into their car seats, two men jumped out of a truck, hoisted my cart and sped off. According to security, this has become a regular occurrence at the store. My entire month of groceries gone in seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 248

You deserved it 163

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The Top

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Right before I was about to climax, he asks, "Do you remember when you bought the homeless guy with one leg a hot dog?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 379

You deserved it 4 725

Today, I got into a car accident. While getting my things out of the car to bring into the tow truck, I noticed the handcuffs from my Halloween costume were still in the trunk. The tow truck driver noticed before I did, because he smiled, winked, and asked if I needed any more help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 583

You deserved it 5 381

Choose your fave!

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 150

Today, my best friend told me he had a crush on someone in my house. I got excited, but he told me it was my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 478

You deserved it 244

Today, some paddleboarders screamed bloody murder and called marine patrol on my family's friends, because the paddleboarders thought they were going to get hit or run over or whatever, even though they were politely asked to move out of the way multiple times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 805

You deserved it 237

Today, I took my date to a restaurant but I had no idea how picky of an eater she is. Our waiter had to practically use 3 pages in his notebook just to write down all her special requests for this single meal. By the end, I could see he really wanted to ask if she was being serious or taking the piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 122