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By Anonymous - 05/03/2017 12:00

Today, I have a gigantic zit inside my left nostril. Good news: no one can see it and no need for makeup on it. Bad news: my nose really itches, and I constantly feel like I'm about to sneeze it out like a foreign object. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 705

You deserved it 446

Red flag

By Ugly - 06/03/2022 06:00

Today, I went to a wedding with my boyfriend. He became moonstruck with one my friends and said she looked sexy in her dress. The whole night, I was nonexistent to him. He’s now confused as to why I’m giving him the silent treatment. He literally has no clue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 082

You deserved it 360

By Sparks - 27/04/2019 16:00 - United States - Taylor

Today, my neighbors threatened to sue me because a six-foot branch fell off one of my trees and into their yard, hitting nothing on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 236

You deserved it 238

I'm innocent!

By DavidJ - 16/06/2023 18:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were on the road. She saw that I got an innocent text from a friend, Melissa. In a fit of jealous rage, she put the gear of my car to “P” causing the car behind me to rear end me. My bumper fell off. She told me, “Tell that bitch Melissa to take care of that.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 096

You deserved it 183

Get the **** out

By GetOut - 11/03/2022 16:00

Today, I can no longer tolerate my mother-in-law. She's not a bad person, but anytime she opens her mouth it is only to criticize, chastise, scold, or blame me. My husband is too terrified of her to ask her to leave our home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 078

You deserved it 147

By Anonymous - 02/05/2017 21:00 - Italy - Rome

Today, we had a new babysitter coming over to the house and my kids were a bit anxious, so I asked her to send me a message telling me how it went. At around 10, I received a message saying, “it’s going alright. Both kids are in bed.” I have three children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 547

You deserved it 457

Sharing is caring

By Anonymous - 11/02/2021 14:01

Today, I poured myself a glass of Coke from the bottle in the fridge. While drinking it, I saw tiny pieces floating in it. Apparently, my boyfriend had drunk straight from the bottle in the morning, felt sick and threw up. He then put the bottle back in the fridge. I just drank my boyfriend's vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 335

You deserved it 158

By welcometomylife - 23/05/2017 12:00 - Germany - Hanover

Today, after a shitty day, I went to the kitchen to make myself something to eat. When I grabbed the salt container, the bottom lid came off and the salt went everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 959

You deserved it 383

By ice4eva - 21/06/2019 14:05

Today, I was eating pizza and I started bitching about how our campus doesn't have any healthy food choices, and that I was forced to eat this disgusting, greasy pizza. My friend then pointed out that I was standing next to the salad bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 504

You deserved it 3 610

Baby love

By Anonymous - 17/04/2022 10:00

Today, I'm working while my husband is the stay at home parent. The house is spotless, our baby girl is happy, and he's never been happier. When I stayed at home, I could never keep the house tidy, and she cried constantly. How does he do it? No matter how we do it, I'm always the one who's tired and miserable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 888

Estranged

By freamly - 16/03/2021 17:01

Today, I called my mother to tell her about my terminal cancer diagnosis. She responded with, "What makes you think I care at all?" before hanging up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 050

You deserved it 110

By LostSoul - 10/07/2019 02:06

Today, I found out my daughter was planning a wedding and invited everyone but me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 773

You deserved it 503

Hogwatch

By QAnon ruined my mom - 22/08/2023 06:00

Today, and over the past few weeks, my mom has cried, ranted, and posted unhinged TikToks, more than when my sister was almost killed in the meadow behind our house by a drunken hunter, all this because her favorite 'politician' has "unfairly" been indicted several times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 193

Social skills

By Anonymous - 29/07/2019 18:00

Today, a really pretty girl came into my work, but when I went up to help her, my brain misfired and I accidentally said, "How can I hump you?" She yelled at me, and my manager put me on probation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 835

You deserved it 2 180

By "ztodaro" - 18/08/2017 20:00

Today, I bought a new bike from a sporting goods store. I secured the bike in the back seat and slammed the door shut, but I didn't pay close enough attention to the placement of the handlebars. I had to return the bike to pay for the shattered window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 706

You deserved it 3 507

By powerless - 14/08/2019 04:00 - United States

Today, a soccer ball hit my car while I was going 75 mph on the freeway during my drive home. I still don't know how to explain it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 525

You deserved it 122

Classic

By Anonymous - 15/04/2021 11:00

Today, I had a dream I saw my dad. I tried to talk to him, but then I woke up. He died last Monday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 708

You deserved it 83

Not helping, dude

By Anonymous - 04/07/2022 00:00 - United States

Today, a girl in my glass was complaining that her neck hurt. I thought if I forcibly turned her head side-to-side, it would instantly fix it like in the movies. It didn't. She was in so much pain, she couldn't even talk, and had to go to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 2 844

How very dare you?

By Anonymous - 04/05/2021 02:01

Today, I caught my wife trying to give herself oral sex. It was sexy and also kinda funny, so I offered to do it to her properly. She got explosively mad for some reason and actually threw me out. I’m writing this from my brother's spare room, wondering where I went wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 869

You deserved it 375

Drama alert!

By heart - 20/05/2021 01:59

Today, I complained to my parents about chest pains. My mom said, "For fuck’s sake, it’s our day off. Can we just have ONE day without your drama?" Turns out, I was actually having a heart attack. She still won’t apologize, and is in fact mad at me for having a heart attack on her day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 569

You deserved it 113

I'm proud to be selfish

By Anonymous - 14/08/2022 18:00

Today, my wife picked an argument about me so-called being selfish because I buy myself sweets and certain drinks, and they make sit in the refrigerator for a long time. My stepson will then ask for them, and I say no. I just don’t believe in rewarding bad behavior. Plus it’s mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 1 217

Doggy dog world

By NotSoFunnyNow - 27/11/2017 15:00

Today, I tried to get a funny reaction from my dogs with a fart, like I saw in a YouTube video. I shat my pants and the dogs didn't even notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112

You deserved it 4 033

Bee Movie 2: Electric Boogaloo

By Anonymous - 11/06/2021 20:01 - United States - Steele

Today, my "friends" who know very well that I am terrified of bees forced me to face my fears, despite my protesting. As my "friends" watched and laughed while I tried to keep calm, a wasp showed up and scared me half to death, thereby angering the other bees. My face looked like a giant raspberry after the fact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 129

You deserved it 143

Where's my explanation?

By wishyouweremeds - 30/10/2019 06:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after two and half years at my company and after recently being promoted, I was told by my boss the business doesn't feel it needs me, and invited me to find another job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 867

You deserved it 138

Brave

By Anonymous - 25/06/2021 04:01

Today, my husband got home from hospital following a suicide attempt that was a hair's breadth from being successful, and told me he did it because he can’t handle being married, being a father, having responsibilities, then he moved out and refuses to come home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 408

You deserved it 202

Wild mood swings

By Anonymous - 19/09/2022 01:30 - United Kingdom - London

Today, once again, my partner is screaming at me for something that I have done and, as usual, she won't tell what it was, only that, "You know what you did," and, as usual, I have no idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 058

You deserved it 200

Cool your jets

By Anonymous - 19/07/2021 22:01

Today, my fiancé told a priest on the bus to fuck off, because he was annoying her with all his God talk. She didn’t know the priest had been our family's priest for the past 40 years, the guy we were supposed to talk to about our wedding next year. Guess that’s not happening now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 1 272

By BrokeAsHeck - 23/03/2018 15:00

Today, for the second time in a year, I am a victim of bank fraud. All my money was in there, and I move today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 401

You deserved it 331

Next, on The Jerry Springer Show…

By DearLord - 03/04/2020 23:00 - Canada

Today, I had to explain to my boss that masturbating in public is inappropriate. This isn't the first time this has taken place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 109

You deserved it 188

Snitch

By Sam - 23/10/2022 22:00

Today, my girlfriend trusted me enough to tell me that she's trans. I have no problem with this, the problem is my sister overheard her. She ran and told our parents, who are also our landlords, so now either I dump the woman I love or we'll both be homeless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 191

You deserved it 330

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The Top

Today, I created a poster trying to raise self-harm awareness in teens for my school. They sent me to the counselor, suspended me, and recommended I go to therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 217

You deserved it 4 982

Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 470

You deserved it 3 635

Today, I was dragged to a Super Bowl party. While there, the host's kid threw 3 cups of apple sauce at my feet, which then exploded and covered my jeans. 10 minutes later, the host's wife announced that she was pregnant with twins. All I could come up with was, "You're making more!?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 805

You deserved it 6 531

Today, I woke up to an email confirming my membership to a dating site. Turns out my mother is as annoyed by my loveless life as I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 178

You deserved it 2 574

Today, my class got baby dolls for the week to teach us how to be good parents. After school, I went to the store with my mom with the baby doll. When I got home, I realized that I left the baby doll in a shopping cart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 537

You deserved it 2 861

Today, after 10 years of intense training, I earned a black belt in karate. When I told my mom, she asked how long it took me, then laughed and sarcastically remarked, "Wow. SO impressive," whilst slow-clapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 420

You deserved it 345