The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Perfect timing...

By modprobs - 03/08/2018 01:30

Today, my boyfriend, who I haven't seen in months because we live in different countries, is coming to stay with me. I've been the picture of health for months, but today I woke up with my period, a terrible cold, and tooth pain from that root canal my dentist told me I didn't need a few years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 760

You deserved it 313

By ge fu yo twa - 25/06/2018 20:30

Today, after house sitting for my future father-in-law and managing to keep things spotless for 3 weeks, a pipe burst. It flooded the place and shorted out a plug socket, causing a fire that ruined the front room. He gets home in 3 hours. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 227

You deserved it 275

Piss off

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Sandown

Today, my boss sent me a message about a project, via WhatsApp. It's my day off, so I figured it could wait till I was able to give a flying fuck. Literally a minute later, he was spamming me, demanding to know why I'd left him as read and reminding me that he has firing powers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 369

You deserved it 1 635

By Notpunny - 18/04/2016 22:58 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, while making small talk with a veteran, I made the mistake of using the phrase "Cost an arm and a leg". He was a double amputee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 206

You deserved it 7 878

By Renée - 25/08/2018 03:30

Today, I found out that my husband lied a few nights ago and was actually drinking with another woman at her house until after midnight. This woman is his best friend’s ex-fiancée, and she's been hitting on my husband for as long as I can remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 185

You deserved it 238

Lost

By bent & broken - 24/08/2018 16:30 - United States - Hot Springs Village

Today, I was lost on a dirt road when it started raining and I got stuck in the mud, so I walked 5 miles to a farm. They brought their tractor and pulled me out, but then my key broke off in the ignition. It's my birthday and I can't get home for the party my wife planned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 172

You deserved it 319

Goldfinger

By Anonymous - 24/07/2020 02:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend doesn’t think it’s important to wipe after he poops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 877

You deserved it 194

By matish - 20/09/2018 13:30

Today, despite having long hair and wearing makeup and a dress, I was still mistaken for a man several times. I'm a girl and I was born a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 036

You deserved it 199

By Beardedlady - 27/09/2018 23:00 - United States - Madison

Today, my mom told me that I need to shave my beard because it's getting too long. This wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 646

You deserved it 423

Kids talk

By SerenityJ - 27/09/2013 20:00 - United States - Mountain View

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 053

You deserved it 7 158

By deaddoggy - 02/03/2016 20:46 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, I took my 17 year-old dog, who had been my best friend my entire life right from when I was born, to be euthanised. I had booked in advance. The vet ambled in all spritely and cheerfully asked, "Just here for a checkup, aye?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 110

You deserved it 1 546

Bailed out

By poorchild - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to bail both my parents out of jail. They'd thought it would be fun to go streaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 757

You deserved it 3 028

Social faux pas

By sinceresally - 03/01/2017 22:26

Today, I finally got the courage to ask my workmate about her tattoo. She's been in the office for 4 months and I'd always wondered why she had a red cheese grater tattooed on her arm. So I asked. Turns out it's a lady's shoe. She walked away from me and never talked to me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 353

You deserved it 1 394

High on life

By badsister - 10/01/2010 15:37 - United States

Today, I made a batch of "special" brownies for a party I was going to tonight. I wrapped them up and put them on the counter with a note that said DO NOT EAT. Later on I came home from some errands to find a tray of half eaten brownies and my ten year-old sister passed out on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 225

You deserved it 59 779

By Anonymous - 30/01/2016 21:54

Today, my dad decided I was too hairy and taught me to shave. This would be a great bonding experience if I weren't a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 887

You deserved it 2 364

By fuckered519 - 06/12/2014 19:53 - United States - Du Quoin

Today, being useless at thinking of gifts, I asked my boyfriend what he wants for Christmas. I said it could be anything that I could afford. He looked me in the eye and said very seriously: "Anal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 261

You deserved it 12 620

By Sanchez - 07/01/2010 17:22 - United States

Today, the doctor told me that I have Vasovagal Syncope: I pass out every time I get aroused. Bye bye sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 558

You deserved it 2 816

After sleepover

By carriageway - 31/01/2020 01:00 - United States - Newport News

Today, I was at a sleepover for a friend's birthday. It was great, but after sleeping on their pull out couch, I woke up with six pimples on my face and a rash on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 114

You deserved it 198

By MLGreco - 14/10/2011 16:11 - United States

Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 496

You deserved it 5 785

Moron

By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 20:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss said he's worried about our network, because, "Wi-Fi’s all in the air. People could spy on us from anywhere!" I sarcastically said, "My god, you're right!" and suggested switching to tin-foil Ethernet cables to stop the signal escaping. He told me to do it ASAP. This moron makes five times my salary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 937

You deserved it 4 227

Sad boy

By Anonymous - 15/01/2016 16:41 - Canada - London

Today, I took my labrador to the vet because he seemed really sick and wasn't acting like his usual self the past few weeks. The vet said nothing was physically wrong with him and that he's most likely suffering from depression. My own depression is why I got a dog in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 912

You deserved it 2 039

Charming

By iwillcutyou - 06/12/2018 07:30 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, as I was working in retail, this guy shoved me into the shelves for asking if he needed help with anything, screaming at me that I need to leave him alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 709

You deserved it 160

By Why - 18/12/2018 05:00

Today, I finally went to have blood taken for an allergy test I really need. Afterwards, I had an allergic reaction to the bandaid they used on my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 414

You deserved it 162

By Anonymous - 02/01/2016 16:09 - United States - San Mateo

Today, I found out that you can give your grandpa a Vietnam flashback when you set off a leftover firecracker from New Years. I also found out that a 76 year old hits pretty fucking hard when freaking out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 258

You deserved it 8 392

Have a good one!

By suuuuuupucci - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mother confronted me about my bird's masturbation problem. We spent Christmas Eve Googling "bird masturbating" and watching videos to see if that was actually what my bird was doing. At least he's having a good Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 204

You deserved it 3 528

By hakuna_matata - 31/12/2015 02:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after I told her that I'd never watched The Lion King. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 131

You deserved it 8 929

By Anonymous - 22/09/2011 16:17 - United States

Today, I had a science test. A question asked, "What is the first stage of photosynthesis?" I didn't know, so just trying to be light-hearted, I wrote, "The plant must first believe in itself." My teacher didn't think it was funny, and gave me detention for insulting her intelligence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 383

You deserved it 16 804

By Anonymous - 01/06/2009 10:46 - United States

Today, three women came into my work and one was wearing a shirt with a rainbow that said, "We are everywhere". I had just gotten what it was referring to and when I greeted them I ended up saying "Hi gays!" instead of the standard "Hi guys". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 006

You deserved it 51 548

A+ for Effort

By Anonymous - 14/02/2017 22:40 - United States - Monroe

Today, being Valentine's Day, I went all out for my wife with flowers, a candlelit dinner, and tickets to a broadway show. The flowers arrived dead, the dinner sucked, and my wife hated the show. Afterwards, I tried to be intimate, but apparently I smelled like a shart trapped in a pant leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 074

You deserved it 750

Kids these days, eh?

By child - 10/12/2015 02:24 - United States - Avon

Today, my mom was driving with my brothers and sister in the back seat. She was turned around talking to us, when my sister told my mom that she missed the light. She ran it, then screamed at us about not paying attention and noticing your surroundings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 474

You deserved it 1 566

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I found a lost dog and called the owner. When he arrived, I thought it would be cute to put the dog down so he would run back into his owner's arms, like in movies. As soon as I put the dog down, it ran away again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 847

You deserved it 44 047

Today, my boyfriend of a year and a half left me for another girl. Who was the only person who cared enough to comfort me? The girl he left me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 954

You deserved it 2 813

Today, I was driving home from my friend's house and noticed this really cute girl riding her bike. She had an amazing body, beautiful blonde hair, and looked like my kind of girl! About 10 minutes after I got home, my sister pulled up. She had just biked home from the hair salon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 281

You deserved it 30 171

Today, while at work, a customer came up to me, stuck his finger in my armpit, then licked his finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 312

You deserved it 2 447

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house to break up with him. After I left his house, I realized that my cell phone had fallen out of my pocket and onto his couch, where I had forgotten it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 093

You deserved it 18 218

Today, my drunk sister came in my room at 2 in the morning, sat on the side of my bed, fell off, knocked over my glass of water, which ruined my new phone, then got angry at me for getting angry with her. She then slammed my door, which made all the photo frames smash to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 717

You deserved it 3 577