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By Radbaby - 20/06/2018 01:30

Today, nearing the start of what I was hoping to be a relaxing week off, my air conditioning system died. A replacement system will be in the $7000 range, just the amount I'd finally saved for my dream vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 998

You deserved it 281

By anonymaiacciu - 22/12/2012 01:16 - France

Spicy

Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 834

You deserved it 8 977

Forgetting something?

By Julez - 14/01/2012 16:14 - United States

Today, I was trying on some new pants in the fitting room at a store. I was so overcome with joy when I noticed that I had dropped two pant sizes, that when I took them off and went outside to pay for them, I realized I forgot to put back on my original jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 343

You deserved it 13 716

Sorry, son

By Waffle - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, a little boy called me, crying that "Grandma died" in a broken voice. I just didn't have the heart to say, "Wrong number." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 128

You deserved it 4 775

By Fox_Undercover - 30/04/2016 20:33 - United States - Wareham

Today, my dentist pulled the wrong tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 459

You deserved it 2 956

Handy

By Anonymous - 06/03/2011 18:15 - Sweden

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 944

You deserved it 12 010

Get on with it

By deflated - 09/08/2009 16:54 - Ireland

Spicy

Today, as my girlfriend was dropping me home, our goodbye kiss got kind of heavy. Still parked in my drive, we had fast, frenzied sex. After, we realised that she had never put the hand brake on and that we had rolled down my drive, blocking my dad who was patiently waiting to pull in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 837

You deserved it 59 850

By bookbroke - 26/04/2016 04:27 - Canada - Regina

Today, I found out that someone found my lost library card, and instead of returning it, took out multiple items. If they don't return them, I'm on the hook to paying over $100 for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 057

You deserved it 1 424

By sleepylillion - 25/04/2016 05:07 - United States - Eleele

Today, I woke up to the sound of my boyfriend chuckling to himself. Turns out he had just clogged the toilet. When he called maintenance, halfway through explaining the problem he started hysterically giggling and had to hang up mid-sentence. This has been a reoccurring theme. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 255

You deserved it 1 542

By she won't see a therapist - 23/04/2016 04:37 - United States - Omaha

Today, my wife's paranoia reached a new level. She spent a half hour fretting over the idea that one of the cleaning ladies at our hotel might have taken a used condom from our room and tried to get pregnant with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 547

You deserved it 1 500

By SKYYYLLLARRRR!!!! - 01/02/2015 16:17 - United States - Gurnee

Spicy

Today, my Breaking Bad-obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks" during foreplay. My vagina just about turned into a desert on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 376

You deserved it 4 309

By TeddyBearKiller - 07/10/2013 01:11 - United States

Today, my coworker convinced a little girl that teddy bears are actually the bodies of dead baby bears. I work at Build-a-Bear-Workshop, and we were working a 4-year-old's birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 699

You deserved it 3 301

By Anonymous - 22/09/2018 13:30

Today, I apparently had diarrhea in my sleep. I had to get up and sneak to the bathroom so as to not wake my husband. When he asked about the stain, I panicked and told him I started my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 608

You deserved it 436

By screwedflyer - 03/10/2018 14:00 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I flew cross-country. Since the movers with my furniture and car won't arrive for 2 weeks, I packed several bags with most of my clothes and charging cords. The airline lost them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 221

You deserved it 205

By Secondyearcollegekid - 03/10/2018 15:30

Today, one of my housemates licked or bit all 12 of the cupcakes I'd bought to give to a friend as a "Thank you" gift. No one will own up to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 024

You deserved it 311

By ARGHHHH - 04/10/2018 05:00

Today, my mom ordered my birthday presents on eBay. Too bad she used my account, so when I went to look for ideas, everything she bought me popped up. It's so much stuff I don't want, need, or will ever use, and it's on my credit card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 474

You deserved it 365

By clubber - 04/11/2008 04:16 - Switzerland

Today, I was in a nightclub with my girlfriend when a beautiful woman looked at me in the most provocative way. I didn't want to upset my girlfriend, so I escaped to the bar. When I came back, I saw the same girl making out with my girlfriend. Maybe I wasn't the one she was looking at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 346

You deserved it 9 048

By goodbyeGPA - 08/10/2018 17:30

Today, the first day of school, I went to the book store to purchase my textbooks. Not only did I wait for 30 minutes, but they didn’t even have my books in stock. I was advised to visit another campus 45 minutes away. They didn’t have it either. I have assignments due already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 872

You deserved it 762

Late bloomer

By Mike - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got a call from my son's school saying to pick him up because he'd shat his pants. He's in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 147

You deserved it 3 089

By sosoram - 13/10/2018 05:00 - United States - Victorville

Today, I learned that the gentleman who found my wallet was not satisfied with the $300 cash and forged a check for a washer and dryer. I found out when I checked my account. It cleared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 436

You deserved it 180

By cuntingbitchofawhore - 06/02/2016 03:11 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I told my step-mom that my medication is causing me to lose weight. She looked me up and down and suggested I triple my dosage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 060

You deserved it 2 291

By hrmpf - 19/01/2016 14:37 - Germany - Bremen

Today, I went to the hairdresser for the first time in the country I just moved to. Guess I don't speak the language as well as I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 010

You deserved it 2 970

Cute but annoying

By Anonymous - 17/12/2010 17:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, while on my honeymoon with my new wife, I tried to be romantic by installing a clapper to the lights in our room. As things progressed, the noise of our love making triggered the lights on and off repeatedly. She began to laugh and we ended up just calling it an early night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 422

You deserved it 14 021

By tye61 - 16/01/2016 12:54 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I finished a 2 hour Skype call with my girlfriend, only to realize I was using mobile data. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 615

You deserved it 7 863

By LittleGina - 07/01/2016 17:42 - United States - Asheboro

Today, I saw an elderly woman drop $20 while shopping. Trying to be a good samaritan, I picked it up and tried to hand it back to her. She accused me of stealing it and beat me with her purse. The manager had to fend her off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 092

You deserved it 1 565

LittleGina tells us more.

LittleGina 8

Friday 8 January 2016 4:39

OP Here: Hello, let me answer some questions I am seeing and straighten things up a bit. 1. I don't work here, I was a customer, therefore, it was not my manager, just the store's manager. 2. The elderly lady had not seen me walk up to her, I was unable to explain anything before I was being beaten with a purse and called a thief. So, I guess she saw me at the corner of her eye holding a $20 before any words came out of my mouth. I may just simply be giving her excuses, but I honestly think that's what happened. 3. The solution was that she was escorted out immediately, but she did get her $20 back. 4. Will she ever know the real story? I don't know, and frankly I don't care. 5. Don't worry, I still have good intentions, she didn't mess anything up!

By IHateMySister - 02/01/2016 10:36 - Denmark - Kirke-hyllinge

Today, my sister confessed that when she runs out of clean underwear, she uses mine. That wouldn't be so bad if she didn't also put it back in my dresser afterwards so I wouldn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 856

You deserved it 1 369

By Anonymous - 29/12/2015 00:00 - United States - Granger

Today, I got together a surprise party for my mom's birthday. I invited all her friends and her douchebag boyfriend who I don't get along with. When my mom got home, he took credit and got her friends to back him up with bribing. My mom said I'm selfish and horrible for not trying for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 287

You deserved it 1 548

By Wtf - 10/02/2017 15:00 - United States - Peoria

Today, I was asked to babysit for a family that attends the daycare I work at. All of my coworkers warned me that they were rough kids but I shrugged it off. As soon as the parents left, the 7-year-old girl said, "Oh good now I can focus on death and my plans". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 975

You deserved it 836

By Unluggee - 04/06/2009 10:38 - United Kingdom

Today, at a party, my three friends and I thought it would be fun to urinate in a jug. We dislike the neighbours, so decided to throw the contents of the jug over the fence into their garden. It hit a tree and splashed back. I ended up covered in our piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 961

You deserved it 188 821

FOMO

By StayedHome89 - 20/12/2009 06:25 - United States

Today, I ran into some friends from high school who had just gotten back from college. We were talking about what happened during our sophomore year. When it was my turn to tell them what I had been doing, all I could say was, "Well, I started wearing V-neck t-shirts and they're pretty comfortable." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 723

You deserved it 28 260

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The Top

The Top

Today, I got locked out of a building that I work in (I work night shifts). I locked my phone, wallet, and car keys in the building. I had no way of contacting my boss or getting a ride. I had to walk home at night, almost got hit by a car full of dudes yelling slurs, and had a woman scream at me from the passenger seat of a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 221

Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 502

You deserved it 9 628

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why chewing "shit-tons of gum" is not an actual alternative to brushing his teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 275

You deserved it 3 603

Today, my family had an argument with me because I bought the wrong kind of cheese. They never said what kind they wanted. The argument ended with my mother saying that she wished she could kill herself, because of how horrible of a person I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 188

You deserved it 109

Today, after we had sex, my boyfriend told me how my orgasms used to make him think I was having a seizure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 691

You deserved it 4 268

Today, I gave myself a major foodgasm by creating an absolutely yummy egg and mushroom salad with mustard. Turns out, though, that my digestive abilities are not quite as good as my culinary ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 178