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Merry Holidays!

By SadMom - 21/12/2016 15:56

Today, I was told by a family member that if we come over on Christmas and my small children get upset or throw a fit, we will be asked to leave. I can't guarantee that my 2-year-old and 3-year-old won't have any meltdowns, so I guess we won't be spending Christmas with the rest of the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 945

You deserved it 1 798

By need my own place - 24/10/2015 23:24 - United States

Today, while I was cutting myself some watermelon, my mom walked in. I could tell she hadn't taken her medication in a while because she freaked out, grabbed the knife, and burst into tears before yelling at me, saying I could have cut myself and bled out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 971

You deserved it 1 599

Why would you do that?

By Sam - 23/11/2009 01:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. We were starting to get intimate, and I thought it would be kinky to tie his hands to his bed so he'd be more turned on. Suddenly his mom called us for dinner, but I couldn't untie him fast enough. I had to sit there, embarrassed, while his mom undid the rope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 130

You deserved it 29 892

By LexS12 - 30/04/2017 04:00

Today, at the age of 21, I've been diagnosed with arthritis in my knees. There goes my volleyball career. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 675

You deserved it 409

By Anonymous - 25/06/2012 22:08 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Spicy

Today, I foolishly told my husband that I know he's been holding back sexually, and that I was willing to indulge any sexual fantasies he may have. Now it seems that tonight, I'll be responding to the name "Fluttershy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 978

You deserved it 17 841

The day after

By last night king - 28/05/2019 18:09

Today, I went to work completely hung over. I was at my desk for 5 minutes before security threw me out on my ass. Apparently, I’m hung over because I got fired yesterday and got blackout drunk, completely forgetting that I had been fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 3 058

By jauregz - 24/05/2017 16:00 - Australia - Lalor

Today, my neighbours had an extremely loud party, which began at midnight and didn't end until 6. I know this because I had a 15 minute sleep, seeing as I had to wake up at quarter past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 973

You deserved it 371

By Alaska fire - 19/11/2016 22:14 - United States - Eagle River

Today, I was the only sober person at a bonfire. After being hit in the eye with a snowball, taking people's keys away because they were too wasted to drive, making sure no one died and stabbing the bottom of my foot with a nail, I got to sleep in the snow. Without any blankets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 251

You deserved it 1 119

By mala_19 - 12/06/2017 14:00 - Sweden

Today, at work, I had to help a teenager who was stuck in a toy car for kids, and no, it was not in one piece when she finally got out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 174

You deserved it 263

By texasbest - 02/09/2015 02:39 - United States - Lindale

Today, at my new job, I walked into the office to hear my supervisor and HR manager talking about how, "the new guy isn't very smart, but we can get him to do the shit work for a couple weeks." Gee, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 773

You deserved it 2 027

By Anonymous - 23/12/2016 17:23 - France

Spicy

Today, I was talking to my new boyfriend, when he told me, “listen, I’m not the greatest at sex, so if you want to come, you’ll have to do it yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 418

You deserved it 126

C'mon, do me a solid

By comeonnow - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Coldwater

Today, my mom's boss reversed into my parked car. She expects me to say that it's my fault so she doesn't have her insurance increase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 806

You deserved it 795

By Kwalker3 - 06/05/2012 06:39 - United States - Tracy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I was really close to climaxing, when he suddenly stopped, smirked, and said, "Hang on, I'm buffering." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 458

You deserved it 4 165

I won! I won!

By winnerwinner - 02/05/2012 15:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband informed me that he has been purposely finishing before me in bed as a form of punishment for beating him at Mario Kart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 029

You deserved it 6 886

Thanks, I guess…

By Steph - 19/08/2019 02:00 - United States

Today, I was at a soccer game when some guys walking behind me yelled that I had a nice ass. I then heard someone shout, "Hey, assholes. That's my daughter." He yelled at them for quite a while. He wasn't my dad, just some weird dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 958

You deserved it 532

By Crapper. - 16/09/2016 20:35 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I'm a janitor at a middle school. Someone took a poo and placed it on the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 208

You deserved it 740

By Garry the Gluten-Free Pizza - 13/09/2016 21:17 - United States

Today, I was carjacked. As he shoved me away from my car, I got hit by another car. He and the other car both drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 662

You deserved it 1 061

By dont_shit_where_i_eat - 29/08/2017 23:15

Today, during the few free minutes I had while rushing between meetings, I grabbed a plain slice of pizza to go. I stepped outside, ready to eat and walk, when a friendly pigeon flew overhead and added a "free topping" to my slice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 777

You deserved it 285

By Activesleeper - 24/09/2017 04:29 - Australia - Flinders

Today, I woke up to 7 texts about the data overage charges that were accrued last night while I slept. Apparently my phone used nearly 8 GB of data, with no apps open, while I was sound asleep, leaving me with a $63 fee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 180

You deserved it 448

Scruffy 'erbert

By Anonymous - 14/09/2019 00:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in the garden of my new house when a neighbour came over and told me to clear off or she would call the owner to tell them they were being burgled. When I told her I was the owner, she said I was clearly unsuitable to be living on this street, and to stop lying before she called the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 243

You deserved it 144

By Tired - 17/08/2016 17:51

Today, I got in trouble with my boss for doing what she wanted me to do. I guess she didn't think I would do it, so she did it herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 333

You deserved it 1 074

By xAdtrx3x - 11/08/2016 18:16 - United States - New York

Today, I got yelled at in my office. It's construction, and I'm the youngest woman. One of my male bosses yelled at me because grown-ass adults won't sign in the log. Either I get my ass kicked by construction guys over a sign-in sheet, or yelled at by my boss. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 509

You deserved it 1 285

xAdtrx3x tells us more.

xAdtrx3x 8

Friday 12 August 2016 15:47

Hi guys, OP here. Some background info- The guy who yelled at me is only here 80% of the week, and he's not the boss I report to. He just thinks he is, and how he behaved was unacceptable.(He's trying to make the office his own show, but it's not working.) The boss of my division wasn't happy about how he handled things, so he was definitely in the wrong. My co workers are defending me, and this wasn't my fault since it's not my responsibility. I'm a receptionist, not an office manager. If they don't want to sign in- he should be yelling at THEM and not me.

By Anonymous - 01/10/2009 14:06 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. I was on their bed having sex with their daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 917

You deserved it 39 602

By firsttimer69 - 20/03/2009 06:11 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn't. About 30 seconds in he collapsed on me. I thought he was joking around and I started laughing. He wasn't joking. He was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151 824

You deserved it 15 209

He does have a point

By Ksweety_fml - 05/10/2019 14:00

Today, I texted someone and typed, "lol". My boyfriend asked me why I put "lol". I told him because I thought it was funny. He looked at me weird and said, "But you didn't laugh." Now he thinks I'm weird because I didn't actually laugh out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 314

You deserved it 510

Blood rat

By jadalee8290 - 30/07/2022 22:00 - United States - Shallotte

Spicy

Today, while we're on vacation, my 6 year-old son barged in the bathroom as I was changing my tampon. He was horrified and kept screaming, asking why I “pulled a blood rat out of my butt.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 250

You deserved it 254

Nature is so wonderful!

By Anonymous - 15/10/2019 18:03

Today, I was backpacking, and I was in a tent. It had rained all day and finally, I was dry. I settled down in my slightly damp sleeping bag. I woke up halfway through the night with a frog on my face and my feet in freezing cold water. Our tent had drifted into a frog pond. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 633

You deserved it 439

Relaxed

By sarabellekitty - 21/10/2019 04:00

Spicy

Today, I was having really great sex with my boyfriend. I was on top and he seemed like he was really enjoying it. Then, I realized he'd fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 985

You deserved it 371

By unemployed - 10/03/2009 02:00 - United States

Today, as I was bagging groceries, I looked down to see a 6-year-old urinating on my shoes and the floor next to me. I told his mother that he should take her kid to the restroom, only to be told to "mind my own goddamn business." I was later fired for arguing with the customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155 959

You deserved it 7 487

By shit Music - 30/06/2016 07:32 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, I forgot my headphones at home. When I got to work I found out that today was also the day the band next door had decided to practice their only song for 8 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 597

You deserved it 946

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The Top

The Top

Today, we went boating with friends. For some reason the bottom of our tube deflated, causing me to be bounced roughly up and down on the water. As a result, I had the most intense orgasm of my entire life, while sitting 2 inches away from my dad's friend. He definitely noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 673

You deserved it 6 941

Today, my boyfriend forgot to pick me up from work. We work at the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 157

You deserved it 429

Today, I went shopping with my sister’s husband to help him choose a birthday gift for her. My sister’s insane friend saw us, followed us, and caused a huge screaming scene in the middle of the mall accusing us of having an affair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 077

You deserved it 305

Today, my husband loves his cat more than our new baby daughter. This morning, he spent two hours playing with the cat, yet when I handed him his flesh and blood daughter, he found an excuse to hand her back after five minutes, then five minutes after that he was playing with the cat again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 012

You deserved it 440

Today, yet again. my boyfriend told me I'm getting fat, even after I told him to stop and that it's affecting my mental health. I had an eating disorder previously, and now I'm thinking about going back to just eating an apple a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 311

You deserved it 236

Today, I took a huge shit halfway through my gym workout, one of them half-wet, messy, stuck in your butt hairs. Three rolls and an anus with the feeling of carpet burn later, I proceeded to the bench feeling strong. At the twelfth rep, I sharted, right in my brand new gray pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 339