FML : Health, Your everyday life stories

Today, I'm stuck in bed with a fever, aches, and nasty cough. My kids and husband had it too, and kept coughing without covering their mouths, despite my asking several times so I wouldn't get sick. FML

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By "lk07" - / Tuesday 23 April 2019 12:00 / United States - Richmond

Today, after waiting two months to attend a very important course, I finally got to go. This is the same day I caught a horrible cold, got Auntie Flow’s monthly visit, my IBS flared up, and my acid reflux as well. So here I go, crampy, constipated, congested, and gassy. FML

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You deserved it

By ugh. - / Sunday 21 April 2019 07:00 / United States - Palo Alto

Today, I am 3 months pregnant. While lying on the couch with morning sickness, my boyfriend farted loudly and filled the room with a smell so horrifying that I immediately threw up all over my coffee table. He spent the next 20 minutes texting his friends about this "epic" moment. FML

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By Anonymous - / Thursday 14 February 2019 16:35 / United States

Today, I went to the toilet to do a number 2. As I went to wipe, the toilet paper slipped out of my hand and I before my brain could register, I wiped my ass with my bare hand.. I also had curry the night before, so yeah. FML

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You deserved it

By jjoker - / Sunday 30 December 2019 14:00 / Australia - Melbourne

Today, while doing my disabled client's makeup I got my period. I'm hoping that she didn't notice a red stain on her white bedspread when I stood up. FML

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Phew, glad it wasn't me

By "mindy12182" - / Saturday 29 December 2018 17:00 / United States - Des Moines

Today, I got food poisoning for the first time after cooking. Yesterday, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. FML

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Phew, glad it wasn't me

By babybambi - / Saturday 29 December 2018 02:00 /

Today, I finally went to have blood taken for an allergy test I really need. Afterwards, I had an allergic reaction to the bandaid they used on my arm. FML

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You deserved it

By Why - / Tuesday 18 December 2018 05:00 /

Today, I was moving my sofa to make space for a Christmas tree and the sofa slipped on the wooden floor, thus flipping my right big toenail up 90° so it is now only connected at the cuticle. FML

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By "LondonTor" - / Saturday 15 December 2018 22:00 /

Today, I went to the company's health clinic to treat muscle spasms and a possible cracked rib. In the process the old quack doc and overly eager nurses wound up giving me a storng laxative and 3 enemas, two of them quite large. Then I still had to return to work. FML

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By Equi - / Wednesday 12 December 2018 16:00 / United States

Today, I woke up with a swollen face and have been diagnosed with mumps. Despite having been vaccinated against it. Twice. I have three assignments due next week and I can barely stay awake long enough to type this. FML

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By mrosewrosem - / Wednesday 12 December 2018 05:00 /

Today, I went to the hospital for taking to many anxiety meds cause of a panic attack over my finals. They decided the best way to fix this will be to involuntarily commit me to psychiatric treatment for 72 hours... missing all my finals. FML

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By talt - / Monday 10 December 2018 12:30 /

Today, when I went to my gp for an annual check up, I was complaining to the nurse about my chronically sore ankle. Turns out it has been fractured for 8 years. When I was 11 I was playing in my grans garden and went over on it. FML

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You deserved it

By - / Thursday 6 December 2018 21:00 / United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, a police officer stopped me and told me he got an anonymous tip that I was going to kill myself. I wasnt. Protocol says he had to bring me straight to a hospital where I explained that someone was messing with me. nobody listened. Now I have a hospital bill for $2,250. FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Wednesday 5 December 2018 08:00 / United States - Wauseon

Today, I met one of my favorite fitness models. She told me I need to get in shape. I weigh 150lbs. FML

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By Mayo - / Tuesday 4 December 2018 13:30 /

Today, my son begged me to take him to the doctor for the weeping bloody rash on his penis so I had to take an unpaid day off for his appointment. The doctor laughed us out the door after it turned out to be a good old-fashioned friction burn. FML

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By Anonymous - / Monday 3 December 2018 14:00 /

Today, the family dog was in the garbage and wouldn't stop eating. He is a large dog, and I had to put my arms around him and pull him out of the trash can. Well, he bit me so hard I was bleeding. My whole family is siding with the dog and saying it was my fault for not letting him eat. FML

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You deserved it

By Dead Inside - / Monday 3 December 2018 07:30 / United States - Elkhart

Today, thanks to pregnancy hormones, I had the most vivid dream of eating a caramel apple mousse cake with vanilla bean ice cream. Unfortunately, yesterday, also thanks to pregnancy hormones, I was diagnosed with diabetes. My dreams are taunting me. FML

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By GiveMeCake - / Sunday 2 December 2018 22:00 /

Today, I took my first holiday from work in over 6 months as it was my birthday. Today was also the day I woke up and vomited violently for 10 straight hours as a result of food poisoning. FML

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By sickday - / Sunday 2 December 2018 17:30 /

Today, I had a morning shift at the restaurant and didn't feel like wearing makeup. I was energetic and greeted everyone happily, but my manager told me I looked tired. I said, "Oh no I'm just not wearing makeup!" He said, "Well, you might need it." FML

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By definitelynotugly - / Sunday 2 December 2018 12:00 /

Today, it's been 3 days since my husband decided he really wanted to try the surstromming challenge. I can still smell that shit all through my house even with all the doors and windows open after the stupid bastard took one smell, vomited, and dropped the can on the carpet. FML

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By meg the mighty - / Saturday 1 December 2018 15:30 /

Today, in addition to having to deal with chronic pain that keeps me from driving for more than 10 minutes, I now have to deal with my brother who thinks I'm not paying him enough for taking me to school 2 days a week, when he does the journeys for himself anyway. FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Saturday 1 December 2018 13:30 /

World

United Kingdom

Today, I was trying on wedding dresses and didn't realise I had started my period. I managed to ruin 6 dresses before I noticed. The company wants me to pay for them. I can't afford it. FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Saturday 1 December 2018 11:00 / United Kingdom - Maidenhead

Today, my parents brought me to the doctor because I was faking a headache. One thing led to another, and it turns out I have a tumor pressing against my spine. FML

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You deserved it

By Hoover - / Saturday 1 December 2018 03:00 /

Today, a week after my son was born via C-section, I received 3 messages from 3 different women saying that they had recently slept with my fiancé. One of them said they tested positive for herpes. FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Friday 30 November 2018 15:30 /

Today, it's my wife's birthday. Since I had work, I gave her $200 to spend on herself and left. When I came back with dinner and the movie she wanted, I found her with a dog. She is very attached to him because the shelter was going to put him down. I love him, but I'm allergic to dogs. FML

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You deserved it

By *sneeze* - / Thursday 29 November 2018 12:00 /

World

Canada

Today, it only took 25 minutes of working before I was covered in old man pee. I think that's a new personal best. FML

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You deserved it

By weezie757 - / Wednesday 28 November 2018 11:30 / Canada

Today, I was in band rehearsing for a big concert coming up. Since the band was practicing with the orchestra and there weren’t enough seats, we had to stand. My back was facing everyone when my friend tapped me on the shoulder and pointed to my ass. I got my period and everyone saw the stain. FML

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You deserved it

By DesperateBich - / Wednesday 28 November 2018 14:00 /

Today, like every day she works, my roommate once again put on a ton on perfume before work because she doesn't shower. She's gone, but this smell will be here for hours. FML

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You deserved it

By RinoaHeartilly - / Wednesday 28 November 2018 03:00 /

Today, I was tripped downstairs as a "joke" by my little brother. When I was yelling in pain from my broken arm, my mom was lecturing me to be thankful "one goddamn day a year". She also thinks I'm lying just to hide that I'm clumsy and my brother is innocent. He won't admit it. Happy Thanksgiving. FML

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By thankful - / Tuesday 27 November 2018 22:00 /

Today, I found out that eating too much cheese really can cause nightmares. I had a cheese sandwich before bed and woke up later to the nightmarish sight of my mother-in-law standing over me with a suitcase. She had a big argument with her husband and wants to stay with us for a few weeks. FML

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You deserved it

By the boogieman mom - / Tuesday 27 November 2018 14:00 /