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    : 320



    Cute miscommunication

    9 to 5 - 30/12/2025 22:00

    Today, I texted my boss to say I’d be late because my train was delayed. Autocorrect changed “delayed” to “derailed.” My boss called immediately, panicked, asking if I was OK. I had to explain it was just a typo while standing safely on the platform. FML
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    Go go dancer

    Anonymous - 12/12/2025 03:00

    Today, I was dancing in a club when some manager told me to stop messing around and get back on stage or I’m not getting paid. I think he thought I worked for him. I was in jeans and a glittery vest, all the dancers were in booty shorts and bikini tops. What the hell, my guy? FML
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    Greg

    Not Greg - 27/10/2025 15:00

    Today, it was my first day. HR handed me a badge with my photo and… someone else’s name printed in big letters. I spent the whole morning being introduced as “Greg” to people who said, “Nice to meet you Greg.” By lunch I’d corrected maybe 3 people and reinforced everyone else’s assumption that my real name was Greg. FML
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    Strange verbiage

    Anonymous - 09/10/2025 03:00

    Today, I tried to compliment a woman’s scarf by saying, “That’s a nice wrap!” She misheard me and thought I said, “Nice rack!” She glared at me and loudly said, “Excuse me?!” in front of about twenty people. FML
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    Bye bye loser

    abandoned af - 03/01/2026 20:00

    Today, my husband announced he was leaving me for a girl he met at work because she “has a hotter body” and “looks better in bed during sex.” I gave birth to his kid earlier this year. I said I was gonna bleed him dry on child support and alimony, and he said, “So? I can afford it. I make 6 figures a year.” FML
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    Face your fears

    Anonymous - 08/10/2025 15:00

    Today, I was standing in line at a burger joint, facing my social anxiety and practicing my order in my head so I wouldn’t mess it up. When it was finally my turn, I panicked and said, “One large confidence, please.” The cashier just handed me a straw. FML
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    Great expectations

    Anonymous - 26/04/2025 05:00 - United States

    Today. my four year-old grand-daughter asked her mother why she married her father, since he wasn't a Prince. I think we need to dial back the Disney movies. FML
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    Bon appétit

    Breakfast in the dark - 30/05/2025 09:00 - United States

    Today, like many other days, I got up to make breakfast before dawn. Not wanting to waste food, I took apart a chicken that looked fine, cutting away some of the breast for a burrito, only to realize after I ate it and went to throw out the bony bits, it was completely moldy underneath. Penicillin, anyone? FML
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    I can explain

    Anonymous - 29/08/2025 15:00 - United States

    Today, on my lunch break, I was walking to my car balancing 3 tacos, soda and napkins. A gust of wind blew my napkins up the street. In my attempt to catch them, I tripped onto the sidewalk. The tacos landed inside a car. Its owner came out just in time to see me standing next to their dash covered in salsa and lettuce. FML
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    Neat freak

    Carrie - 01/12/2025 15:00

    Today, I cleaned my car for the first time in ages and proudly showed my friend how spotless it was. Right then, a gust of wind blew a huge mess of shit straight inside as I opened the door. She said, “Nature disagrees.” Shards of leaves and other bits of crap were everywhere. FML
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    Yay, Christmas! It's the most wonderful time of the year!

    Anonymous - 28/12/2025 09:00

    Today, I loved my girlfriend so much until she broke up with me right before Christmas, I was sad but, I understood. I would always vent to my bestie of 5 years and she said I was being too dramatic, and I wasn't even supposed to feel sad about it. I've spent Christmas being depressed. FML
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    Custom job

    Anonymous - 13/03/2025 04:00 - United States - Thousand Oaks

    Today, my toddler threw up on my one week old pair of white shoes. FML
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    Life sucks

    Anonymous - 01/09/2025 23:00 - United Kingdom

    Today, somewhere along the way, I became the woman who goes to the Asda in a dressing gown with no bra after dropping my kids off at their dad's house, because life is shit, and my self respect have dropped that low. FML
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    She's lost control again

    Taylor - 11/08/2025 22:00 - United Kingdom - Bristol

    Today, I was trying on jeans in a store. Thinking the changing room door was locked, I stripped down to my underwear. Suddenly, an elderly woman opened the door, stepped in, and said, “Oh, I thought this was the toilet.” We locked eyes for an eternity before she backed out. I felt obligated to buy the jeans to regain some control of my life. FML
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    On the spot

    Sketchychick - 17/10/2025 09:00

    Today, during my first day at my new job, my manager told everyone to “share one fun fact about yourself.” I panicked and blurted out, “I once accidentally washed my passport.” Everyone laughed, which was fine until my boss said, “So that’s why your background check is taking so long?” FML
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    Anti-advertisement

    Anonymous - 06/07/2025 14:30 - Iran - Bushehr

    Today, I was preparing to migrate the bookmarks from Edge to Brave, but during my migration process, four bookmark folders and some pages suddenly disappeared for some unknown reason. Those were saved a year ago, and they’re very important to me. FML
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    Zoning out

    Anonymous - 11/02/2025 00:00 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

    Today, I went to get gas for my car. While waiting in line at the cash register, I was next person, and I noticed the cashier had her name tag on her boob. I like to know other people’s names, and the name tag said Irene. The cashier saw me looking at her breast so now I'm not sure if she thinks I’m a pervert or not. FML
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    Frustrated boi

    Anonymous - 19/02/2025 17:00 - United States

    Today, my girlfriend hasn’t fucked me in god knows how long. I had to mention a BJ and she already said she was going to give me one for Valentine’s Day. I knew it was bullshit because it’s the 17th and still no head. I get mad when I watch sex scenes. I masturbate but it's not the same. I really wanna fuck other women. IDK WHAT TO DO. FML
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    Control

    Anonymous - 06/11/2025 00:00

    Today, my boss continued to orchestrate behind the scenes with my colleagues to make me look bad for her lack of organization. Then she showed up 10 minutes late to a meeting, shared that she needed a vacation, and realized that she needed to micromanage less. I've been asking her to make that change for months. FML
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    Goddamn cats!

    Cat: 1 / Me: 0 - 14/07/2025 13:00 - United States

    Today, when I came home from running errands, the door wouldn't open. Why wouldn't it open? My cat somehow toppled the shoe rack. I had to spend way more time than I'd like to admit looking through my trash to find something I could use to move it, during which my cat escaped and I had to chase her down. FML
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    I've got blisters on my fingers

    Anonymous - 06/02/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom

    Today, I started out as a serious artist, I even got some of my work displayed in galleries. Now I live in my mom’s attic and I manage to pay her some rent by drawing furry porn for online perverts. I’ve drawn so many hair-covered buttholes I don’t even get upset anymore. FML
    308
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    Chilling

    Anonymous - 25/01/2026 03:00

    Today, it was freezing in the office, so I brought in a small space heater and plugged it in under my desk. Moments later, the power went out on the entire floor of the office. I quickly unplugged the heater and stuck it in a drawer. Now I just have to somehow sneak it out of the office. FML
    308
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    Alexa, play "Here Comes the Summer" by The Undertones

    Uh oh - 03/05/2025 15:00 - United States

    Today, I put my AC in my room again in preparation for summer. However, I forgot that my cat messed up the accordion while climbing the window like an idiot, so it no longer closes properly. So there is now an opening in the window that I can't do anything about. Hello, insects. FML
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    Hooman! Do something!

    Anonymous - 22/03/2025 12:00 - Australia

    Today, I was in the bathroom trying to unclog my constipated ass when my cat pushed the door open and walked in. She sat and stared at me for a good 10 minutes. Then, as if she had seen enough, she started loudly meowing for no reason. It was like she was judging me for reading a book she didn't approve of. FML
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    I'm out

    Anonymous - 12/12/2025 22:00

    Today, is another day that my wife will choose anything over sex. I don't want to flirt with her anymore. If I can't have a normal sex life, I would rather embrace celibacy. I love her and was flirting with her daily up until now, but if she needs some other kind of confirmation to feel sexy, she can go ahead and find it. I'm done. FML
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    Breakout

    Jennifer - 28/02/2025 20:00 - Australia

    Today, I had a job interview. The night before, I'd noticed a small pimple forming on my chin and did everything I could to make it go away. During the interview, I couldn’t focus on anything except the giant pimple that had sprouted on my forehead. I spent the entire time trying to keep my fringe in front of it. FML
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    My name is actually Blurt

    Anonymous - 18/12/2025 15:00

    Today, I saw my original birth certificate and realised I’ve spent almost all my life misspelling my first name. Now I’m worried it might invalidate pretty much every legal document I’ve ever signed. FML
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    Slippery situation

    Slippery - 11/07/2025 03:00 - United States

    Today, it had rained and the marble steps outside my office were slicker than I expected. I was trying to navigate down them with a coffee cup in one hand and my phone in the other when I was startled by a notification, slipped, threw my coffee up in the air, and landed flat on my back. Of course there were spectators. FML
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    Never get involved

    Anonymous - 21/02/2025 10:00 - Australia - Geelong

    Today, because I told her ex that they were an abusive cheater after my friend cried to me about how their ex was treating them horribly for the sixth time this month, my friend blocked me. The ex told her I'd be the reason they'll stay together, and my friend begged me to talk to the ex. I refused. FML
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    That one awkward guy

    Jeff - 06/09/2025 09:00 - United States - Des Moines

    Today, I tried to compliment a girl at my gym by saying, “Wow, you’re really strong!” She smiled and said, “Thanks.” Then, probably to be polite, she said, “You’re really… trying.” That was her actual word choice. I went home and considered canceling my membership, but I found out that it's designed to be almost impossible to leave the gym. FML
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    FMyLife FMyLife
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    Today, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. My mom's reaction was, I shit you not, to tell me to "walk it off". FML
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    Today, I have North West's Lion King song stuck in my head. I can even do the choreography. FML
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    Today, I started my job at a warehouse. I was the only person in my training group who needed help wrapping a pallet. FML
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    Today, I parked in front of a grocery store and took the portable GPS system off the mount on the dashboard and put it in my pocket so no one would break into my car and steal it. When I got back, the window was smashed and someone had stolen the plastic mount. FML
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    Today, my brother and his friend ambushed me, tied me to a chair, and put a sock in my mouth. My mom found me 10 minutes later, took the sock out, and asked, "Why are you tied to a chair?" I told her what happened. She looked at me, laughed, stuffed the sock back in my mouth, and left. FML
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    Today, while at my shitty, minimum wage job at McDonalds, a guy walked out of the bathroom. He said "Good luck in there." worriedly, then left. I don't know if it was his handiwork, but it looked like a shit grenade had detonated. It was even on the walls. FML
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    © VDM SAS,

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