The Top

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Where'd you go?

By omgjessp - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my cat came through my window, holding a dead rat in her mouth and dropped it in my pile of clothes. I then asked my dad if he could get the dead rat out of my room. After looking for an hour, he couldn't find it. Guess the rat wasn't dead after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 830

You deserved it 4 030

Global stinking

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, my boyfriend told me he thinks brushing his teeth and doing anything basically hygienic is unnecessary now, because, "we're all going to die out around about 2050 anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 697

You deserved it 200

Too soon

By Emilie B - 20/01/2026 12:00

Today, my mother-in-law in all seriousness told my daughter to not wear shorts and skirts because “men will ogle and rape her.” When I confronted her about it, she told me, “I’m only looking out for her. Is that so wrong?” She’s 9 and she won’t stop asking what “rape” means. FML

I agree, your life sucks 271

You deserved it 29

Salt and vinegar?

By Anonymous - 20/01/2026 09:00

Today, my husband insists he’s being healthy by swapping crisps for low calorie Snack a Jacks. The problem is that he eats a whole packet in one sitting, three packets a day; that’s around 2000-ish calories just in Snack a Jacks, plus three meals and sugar in his tea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 197

You deserved it 37

What happened?

By Anonymous - 20/01/2026 15:00

Today, a day or two after a really close friend of mine offered for me to move in with him, he has me blocked on everything, because he cheated on his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 35

There's definitely a separate WhatsApp group

By Anonymous - 20/01/2026 20:00

Today, the friend I was supposed to meet said, "Oh, I forgot to put it in my calendar." She than suggested all our friends drive out to her place in the morning (instead of the agreed afternoon) when I was unable to attend, which she knew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 21

Competitive

By Anonymous - 20/01/2026 22:00

Today, my husband has such a fragile ego that he secretly visited an escape room five times in the two months before 15 of us went as a group, all so that he would know all the answers in advance and impress everyone. He’d have managed it too, except he paid with our credit card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 16

New avenue

By Pride lost - 20/01/2026 03:00

Today, my girlfriend and I went out with one of her guy friends. After two bars, we ended up back at her place and somehow the three of us ended up in bed. I was a Gold Star Lesbian and now I'm just a slutty bi girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 142

Can't be arsed

By Anonymous - 21/01/2026 00:00

Today, my dad used to be suspicious of boys like all dads are, but just now he kicked me, actually kicked me up the ass, to get me out of the house for a date. His parting words were, "You’re 32 years-old and still living with me. Marry him, marry anybody, please, before I’m dead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 71

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I held a house party. For fun, I made sure all the beer was alcohol-free, so I could see which of my friends would be weak-minded enough to end up acting drunk. Three did. I was one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 327

You deserved it 67 561

Today, I dropped off a box for my sister at her job. In a rush, I unknowingly parked in a reserved spot. When I got back to my car, I saw that my car was being towed. After successfully flirting myself out of an expensive towing bill, I backed into the pole behind me, leaving a noticeable dent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 151

You deserved it 35 129

Today, I found out I got a 97 on my physics final exam. I was curious about the question I missed, so I went up to my teacher and asked. He was very confused and checked my grade again before telling me, "Oh my bad, it was meant to be a 79." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 417

You deserved it 5 543

Today, I spent ages getting dressed up for a date I’ve been excited for. I even put on cologne for the first time in forever. When I arrived at the restaurant, I realized I had forgotten my wallet. I spent the entire meal pretending to be “really into the conversation” while internally panicking about how I was going to pay. It didn't end well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 481

Today, I thought I was waving at my neighbor, who was also waving enthusiastically back. After smiling and gesturing, I realized she was actually cleaning her windows. I was flirting with Windex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 251

You deserved it 175

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out on his deck out back. When leaving, I heard the sliding glass door open on the upper deck, I froze in the yard to not be seen. Too bad I didn't move. Apparently his dad pees off the deck at night. I had to walk home covered in pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 591

You deserved it 7 007