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    : 320



    Nil - nil

    Anonymous - 08/04/2025 15:00 - United States - Kansas City

    Today, I got into an online debate about reproductive rights, healthcare, gun laws, and education in the US, all in one thread. Someone told me, “This is the greatest country in the world.” I asked, “Based on what?” He blocked me. FML
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    Date night to remember

    Anonymous - 26/08/2025 17:00 - United States - Saint Paul

    Today, I'd planned a low key date night with my partner for tonight. I told them about it last night. When they got home, they asked why I was dressed up. When I mentioned the date night, they just shrugged and said "Oh, OK" then made a joke about my lipstick. They didn’t change out of their grubby clothing. FML
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    Probably a Monday

    Anonymous - 28/04/2025 11:00 - United States - Seattle

    Today, running late for work, I ran outside and the door handle literally broke off my vehicle when I pulled to open it. I climbed in through the passenger door, turned on my car, and the windshield wipers were on… swiping a fresh $78 parking ticket across my windshield. FML
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    Tattoo backstory needed

    Anonymous - 05/12/2025 22:00

    Today, I got my boyfriend naked for the first time. He had "Baby Fucker" tattooed over his groin. He had some weird explanation for it, but I couldn't stop thinking about him fucking a baby, and it turned me off massively. I don't think I can keep dating him. FML
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    Sticking with you

    Anonymous - 03/06/2025 16:00 - Syria

    Today, I went on a volunteering trip with a team. We had only a pickup car for like 20 people, so 5 of us squeezed in the back seats while the rest hopped on the back. My knee got stuck right on another guy's crotch and it was impossible for us to change position. We stayed for 40 minutes like that, me feeling his penis the entire time. FML
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    Hogs!

    Anonymous - 30/01/2025 08:00 - United Kingdom - Lerwick

    Today, I was awoken at 3am by hotel management to tell me they received complaints about me from every room within 30 yards of mine, including from the floors above and below me. What was my crime? Snoring loud enough to rattle windows on the other side of the building. FML
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    Bad day, huh?

    AllWrong - 27/09/2025 03:00

    Today, I screwed up in my job, my husband lost his luggage in an airport, then my daughter broke the toilet flush, and my friend's kid poured porridge onto the carpet. FML
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    Blinded

    Anonymous - 25/08/2025 09:00 - United States

    Today, my phone’s flashlight turned on in my pocket while I was at the movie theater. I didn’t notice until the stranger next to me whispered, “Hey, your dick is glowing.” FML
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    Overprotective

    swollenego - 02/08/2025 05:00 - United States

    Today, as I was walking out of a park, I bent to examine a mosquito bite I had. As I looked up, I noticed a nearby couple staring and whispering in abject horror before calling their kids over to get bug-sprayed, pointing me out. Terrified, they immediately complied. It’s not even my worst bite. FML
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    Snotty

    Snot monster - 29/08/2025 03:00 - Poland

    Today, after days of nasal congestion, I stifled a sneeze. It went out my nose, blowing out a massive spray of green gunk, streaked with blood. This happened at a meeting, splattering the table in front of me with green bloody mucus. The other attendees looked horrified and one ran to vomit. FML
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    Here comes the flood

    Soaked - 27/02/2025 02:00 - United States

    Today, I found out that having a rug in your bathroom has more uses than I thought. For example, it can soak up a ton of water when your shower head randomly bursts and starts spewing water non-stop while you're at work. There's still water everywhere, and no more showers for the foreseeable future. FML
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    Scaffolding?

    NervousDog - 25/05/2025 08:00 - United States

    Today, I spent most of the day with my stinkiest co-worker's soggy shoes level with my face. FML
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    Some fans take it too far

    Anonymous - 12/06/2025 22:00 - United States

    Today, I finally figured out what two kids in my neighborhood have been yelling for what seems like the past month. I don't know where they are exactly, so my efforts to get them to knock it off has almost made me go insane, all from hearing them yell "CHICKEN JOCKEY!" over and over again. FML
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    Names and faces

    Steve Froemming - 20/04/2025 15:00 - United States - Minneapolis

    Today, I hate when I go out and I forget peoples' names; even though they know me and I know them, I forgot their name. FML
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    Many such cases

    Anonymous - 14/01/2026 22:00

    Today, I realized I’m what they call “first world poor.” I own a phone and a laptop paid for with credit, and every time I use them it’s to check my emails to see all my new job application rejections, and to check my bank so I can watch my savings dwindling away. FML
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    Samson v. Delilah

    Sagar - 24/05/2025 03:30 - India - Bengaluru

    Today, and after I started losing my hair during my high school, my confidence is gone. I've struggled approaching women and have missed many opportunities. I'm 36 years-old now. Today, I connected with someone online, and when I told her about my situation, her response was, "Sorry, I'm not feeling that spark." FML
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    Bad day, huh?

    Anonymous - 12/11/2025 22:00

    Today, work was exhausting, so I decided to get a pretzel crust pizza from Little Caesars on the way home. When I got home and opened the box, not only was the pizza cooked rather poorly, but there was also a mountain of salt strewn all over it, EXCEPT for the crust. How do you even mess up that badly? FML
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    STOP!

    What's that beeping noise?? - 02/10/2025 12:00

    Today, at a self-checkout, I scanned all my items, bagged them, and left. Only when I got outside did I realize I had completely forgotten to pay. I then noticed that security was running to stop me, and I had to explain that I wasn’t a thief, just an idiot. FML
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    Hangry

    Anonymous - 24/03/2025 19:00 - Canada

    Today, McDonald's screwed up my order 3 whole times. GIVE ME MY NUGGETS PLEASE. HOW CAN SOMEONE MAGICALLY FORGET 40 NUGGETS? FML
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    Toxic positivity

    Anonymous - 14/09/2025 22:00

    Today, my boyfriend and I decided to get married after only six months because of an accidental but happy pregnancy. We’ve spent thousands on the wedding and baby stuff. Apparently it was money wasted, because I just got my period, despite not having one for three months and a positive pregnancy test. FML
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    Feral baby

    sad cat owner - 26/02/2025 05:00 - United States

    Today, I had to make the difficult decision to get rid of my cat. He's terrible around unfamiliar people and always attacks them on sight, completely unprovoked. He even does this to my niece, who isn't even a year old. Still, he's such a sweetie despite his lack of people skills, so I feel like shit. FML
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    Not my fault!

    Anonymous - 22/12/2025 12:00

    Today, I tried to be helpful by holding the door open for a woman carrying boxes. She smiled and hurried toward me, then tripped and dropped everything at my feet. She stared at me like I'd caused it, and said, “Thanks” through clenched teeth. FML
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    Sociopaths

    piggies - 07/08/2025 02:00 - United States

    Today, I met my husband's coworkers, one of whom told us about how he shot pigs from a helicopter. My husband thought it was awesome. I started crying. That's just cruel. FML
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    A for Effort, but…

    Anonymous - 28/05/2025 12:00 - United States - Portland

    Today, I woke up to balloons, streamers, and my roommates yelling “SURPRISE!” Unfortunately, they got the wrong day. My birthday is next week, and now I'll probably have to pretend to be surprised again in seven days. FML
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    WAP

    Frustrated - 30/10/2025 20:00

    Today, my husband bought me a remote-controlled vibrator, put it in my underwear, and spent the entirety of our date night making it vibrate. I was soaking wet and ready to get fucked. Too bad he drank two bottles of wine during the date and fell asleep the second we got home. FML
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    Let that sink in

    Anonymous - 22/07/2025 20:00 - Canada - Toronto

    Today, I was washing my hands in my workplace's bathroom and caught my reflection in the mirror. I had toothpaste smeared all over my cheek. I spent the rest of the day wondering how many people had noticed and said nothing. FML
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    Are you OK?

    Louis - 05/08/2025 22:00 - United States

    Today, a colleague said I looked “different” and I thought it was a compliment. It turns out they meant that I looked “tired and stressed.” I smiled awkwardly and said, “Thanks?” while internally dying. FML
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    Crunchy

    Anonymous - 26/04/2025 22:00 - United States - Benson

    Today, I was running late for work, so I grabbed a cheap sandwich from a gas station. As I rushed to take a bite, I bit into something unexpectedly hard. I thought it was a tough bit of bacon, or some sort of nut, but realized it was a small plastic fork that had been helpfully hidden inside my sandwich. I'd already swallowed half of it. FML
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    This is fine

    Anonymous - 30/06/2025 11:00 - Australia - Yarrambat

    Today, I woke up hungover and with the lovely surprise of my monthly cycle. Now I’m at work, sitting with a blaring faulty fire alarm that I have no way to turn off. Everyone who can fix it is on holiday. FML
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    Moo

    Moo - 27/08/2025 15:00 - United States

    Today, I had to sleep in a room with my son, since we are visiting relatives at a farm. Every time a cow moos, he says "Cow". I can't sleep. FML
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    FMyLife FMyLife
    FMyLife FMyLife
    Today, I was sitting on the bus on my commute to work, when I nodded off on the charming young man next to me. Something cold and wet touched me, and I looked down to see a small pool of my saliva collecting on my chest. The man thought this was hilarious. FML
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    Today, I figured out why the man I've been seeing for 3 years hasn't asked for my hand in marriage. His current wife called me and told me all about it. FML
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    Today, while working as a barista, a customer asked me for "gluten free milk". When I told her that most milk is gluten free, she flew into a fit of rage and cussed me out for being a "cheeky bitch". My manager then lectured me about not being "patronising" to customers. FML
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    Today, at work, a really hot guy came up to me and asked, "What are your hours?" Excited, I told him I get off at 4, but might be able to get out sooner. He started laughing and then said, "I meant your store hours." He turned around and walked away, shaking his head and laughing. FML
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    Today, I touched my friend's hard junk under my foot through his jeans as we played games on the couch. He didn't move away and kept jiggling my thighs playfully, so I didn't stop. When he left, I texted him I liked what I felt and got no response. I killed a 7 year friendship. FML
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    Today, I decided to give blood for the second time. I felt excrutiating pain when she stuck the needle in my arm. Another nurse came running over in a panic. Apparently my inexperienced nurse had put it in my tendon instead of my vein. FML
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    © VDM SAS,

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