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By Kyrie - 14/09/2017 20:00

Today, I came down in the morning to find that my fridge died, leaving water and meat juice all over the floor. My town only has garbage pickup every other week and the last was yesterday. We're expecting a heat wave this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 526

You deserved it 252

By Amy (grossed out) - 27/04/2014 13:43 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my long-distance boyfriend got extremely drunk and insisted that we left the Skype call on all night so it was like I was there with him. I woke up to the sound of him vomiting loudly at 3am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 748

You deserved it 6 083

By jesifairy - 13/04/2012 04:46 - Australia

Today, I told my girlfriend that I would still care for her if she was a vegetable. She informed me that if I was a potato, she would cut me into chips. And fry me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 573

You deserved it 7 196

jesifairy tells us more.

jesifairy 2

Friday 13 April 2012 12:39

:-D

By Anonymous - 23/03/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 416

You deserved it 34 865

By Travellingluck - 20/10/2017 16:12

Today, after a week of severe gastroenteritis that required a hospital stay, I was finally feeling well enough to go in the pool at our holiday resort. My fiance slipped on the edge of the pool and we're back in the hospital. Happy vacation! FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 742

You deserved it 273

Hoarded in

By nola2005 - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, as my gaze went from the cobwebs hanging from my ceiling to the opened and unopened Amazon boxes in the corners of my house, I realized I'm on my way to being a hoarder. I'm too tired and depressed to do anything about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 725

You deserved it 699

Sorry mate, I didn't know

By Baboosh - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, was my first day as a bouncer. I was a bit late and didn't meet all the staff. Later that night, some fairly drunk guy was trying to force his way in, I told him we were at capacity and that he would have to wait. He kept trying and I ended up pushing him to the floor. He was the owner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 639

You deserved it 14 154

By Vampprobs - 25/03/2014 01:52 - United States - Skandia

Today, my neighbor called the police for the seventh time because he's convinced I'm a vampire. He's also gotten in the habit of leaving garlic cloves in my yard. My parents come next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 174

You deserved it 3 231

By Alexandra - 05/03/2013 20:17 - United States - Gaithersburg

Spicy

Today, I found out that my boyfriend and one of his friends have been having sex with each other. His excuse? "She's my best friend, we do this all the time." I have been dating him for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 859

You deserved it 4 161

Mistake or intentional?

By Anonymous - 11/08/2022 04:00 - Australia - Petrie

Spicy

Today, my newly installed Ring doorbell captured crystal clear footage of my wife sucking off my brother on my porch. With sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 086

You deserved it 158

By Avery - 24/03/2012 20:06 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I realized I've been confusing scenes from The Lord of the Rings with American history. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 560

You deserved it 30 035

You must be ******** me

By MyLyfeSux - 25/09/2009 22:09 - United States

Today, I went to the restroom at school and when I finished my business, I noticed there was no toilet paper. I then began to wait, hoping that a janitor would come by with extra toilet paper. It wasn't until an hour later that I then realized there was four extra rolls hidden behind the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 935

You deserved it 53 997

By douchegamer - 03/03/2013 03:38 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, after an argument with my pianist girlfriend about how bad my favourite song would sound on the piano, she stormed out of the room crying, leaving behind a CD. It was the piano version of the song she'd made for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 151

You deserved it 78 981

By Hana - 23/03/2012 07:39 - Canada - York

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend, and ended up sitting next to this girl who wouldn't stop sneezing. Grossed out, I asked my boyfriend if we could switch seats. After doing so, the girl immediately stopped sneezing and started flirting with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 142

You deserved it 6 002

By Anonymous - 18/03/2014 21:31 - United States - Arlington

Today, a coworker filed a complaint against me, all because I ate a banana at lunch, which he claimed is "threateningly sexual", whatever the hell that means. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 219

You deserved it 4 009

Great idea

By anonymous - 22/03/2012 04:46 - United States - Chelsea

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend went down on me with whiskey in his mouth. It felt like my genitals were on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 928

You deserved it 6 947

Caught in 4K

By ugh - 23/09/2009 19:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found a video camera behind a plant in my bedroom. My husband uses it to video tape himself having sex, with another woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 082

You deserved it 2 585

Life imitates bad art

By sex sent me to the Er - 15/10/2019 14:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Feeling goofy, I thought it’d be funny to try to reenact that horrible sex scene from the movie Showgirls. I threw my body back, but completely lost my balance and smashed my head on the headboard. I ended up with a bad concussion and a huge hospital bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 2 224

What's my rating?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went online to check my credit report. My credit report says that I'm deceased, and have no rating. I'm at least 90% sure that this is not true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 186

You deserved it 2 646

Curiosity

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Ewa Beach

Today, my neighbor came over and yelled at me for traumatizing her kids. What did I do? Nothing. Her kids entered my backyard, dug up my one month-dead hamster and freaked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 693

You deserved it 3 494

Disinformation

By zzyx - 22/09/2009 03:19 - United States

Today, there was a fire alarm in my dorm. Just as I was leaving my room, a lady in the hallway told me that it was a drill and they'd be inspecting rooms, so I would need to leave my door unlocked. When I came back, my room was trashed and my laptop, speakers, and jewelry were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 702

You deserved it 16 950

By lovefortoday - 13/03/2012 16:50 - United States

Today, while at work, a man came up to me and screamed that I was the devil's child, pointing at the tattoo on my wrist the whole time. I just stood there while he prayed for my soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 616

You deserved it 3 863

lovefortoday tells us more.

lovefortoday 14

Wednesday 14 March 2012 13:24

It was the one on my left wrist of a butterfly and flowers. The other one is a dolphin and flowers. I was unaware that butterflies and dolphins where evil. They were for my Mom and Step-Mom.

By bouda - 15/05/2011 18:19 - France

Today, I killed a pigeon. It choked to death on a piece of bread I threw its way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 085

You deserved it 7 567

By Tristansefam1367 - 12/03/2012 13:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was shopping for tampons when a cute guy came over and gave me his number. He said, "Call me in 3 to 5 days." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 369

You deserved it 6 155

By coldwetnose - 09/05/2011 06:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, my phone alarm woke me up. It had fallen under my boyfriend's bed. Naked, I got on all fours to retrieve it. My boyfriend's dog stuck his nose in my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 261

You deserved it 18 919

By lawl - 07/05/2011 13:25 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my date asked if I could drive his friend home before we went out for breakfast. His friend had blonde hair, big boobs and wore a skimpy black dress. He wasn't 100% sure of her name. I guess I drove home my date's one night stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 469

You deserved it 12 127

By Sara - 04/03/2009 22:42 - United States

Today, I woke up at 5:30 AM to my boyfriend flipping on the lights and shouting, "We have a problem!" Our chinchilla had gotten out of his maximum security cage, and half of our apartment is now underwater because he decided the water line that leads to the fridge would make a tasty midnight snack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 602

You deserved it 9 086

By DogLover - 06/02/2013 13:59 - United States - Watertown

Today, I learned that my big, tough, strong dog is terrified of spiders when he jumped, knocked over a table, and then peed on the spider to drown it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 585

You deserved it 4 829

By Ashlynnlove - 10/02/2014 14:12 - United States

Today, whilst getting out of the shower, I tripped on the lip of the siding, bruising my middle toe. I fell, and in doing so, squished my cat. She won't even make eye contact and keeps wheezing. I have a feeling she is plotting my death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 768

You deserved it 7 925

Ashlynnlove tells us more.

Ashlynnlove 10

Tuesday 11 February 2014 17:54

I said FML because I feel horrible. And of course I took my cat to the vet. She is fine. No internal bleeding, no punctured lung, no limping. The vet said there was no damage and to be more careful. Trust me, I won't leave the bathroom door cracked open anymore. Just an update.

Double betrayal

By Mac - 13/09/2022 09:30

Spicy

Today, I learned my wife has a lover. He's more handsome than me, and bigger than me. I might've been OK with it if he wasn't my daughter's boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 940

You deserved it 216

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Today, my boyfriend once again cancelled a date because he has too much homework. His professor is my dad, who's assigning astronomical amounts of homework to keep us from seeing each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 773

You deserved it 4 860

Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 006

You deserved it 6 011

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she could not stand the thought of being in a relationship with a man who wears orange. This is the first time I've worn an orange shirt in at least 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 407

You deserved it 3 657

Today, I went to the hospital to get my ingrown toenail removed. The doctors put me on a little surgery table and told me to relax. They then injected anesthetic into my toe four times and used a pair of scissors to slowly cut through my nail. Only, the anesthetic hadn't started to work just yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 869

You deserved it 2 693

Today, I was at work at a preschool. I was sitting outside with the kids and was getting bored so I started singing. One of the little girls runs up and puts her hand over my mouth and tells me to stop. I'm in a select chorus at my highschool and plan to major in choral studies in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 906

You deserved it 11 363

Today, I have to get up at 6 a.m. each day to make it to a class at 8 because of commuter traffic. The college has decided to eliminate an entire parking lot right next to the building where my class takes place, to build a parking garage, which will take 2 years. The only open parking is a field clear across the campus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 136