The Top

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Right in the cussy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, at work, the police were looking over video footage of an incident earlier in the day where a car had slammed hard into another one in the carpark. My manager came into the kitchen and asked if I wanted to come see it to for a laugh. The car that got hit was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 975

You deserved it 3 294

Act of kindness

By dre_bro11 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 388

You deserved it 12 580

Ally

By Anonyme - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I'm still in love with my ex-boyfriend, who is going out with someone else now. At least I now know that he's gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 975

You deserved it 4 454

Pit stop

By shart - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Calgary

Today, I had an accident at work. Not the kind involving worker's compensation. The kind involving desperately scrubbing my office chair with paper towels, before going home to change my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 844

You deserved it 2 368

Hit the gym

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, after months of my doctor telling me that my heart palpitations are simply due to anxiety, and that I'm perfectly healthy, I decided to weight train to face my fears. Two hours later, I was in the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 867

You deserved it 3 303

Nice

By oh, shit...... - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Denmark - Bagsværd

Today, I was at the gym. At the end of my workout, I realised I lost the bundle of keys I had in my pocket that contained the key to my locker with all my stuff. I panic and start looking for them. After an hour of desperate searching, I find them thrown in the bottom of the public toilet. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 775

You deserved it 2 047

That went well

By vargasm - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the girl I've had a crush on decided she wanted to see a movie with me. I tried to hold her hand during the movie and it was great for about four minutes. Then she said, "Can I have my hand back?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 398

You deserved it 3 772

Dude…

By 50sStyle - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Hartland

Today, during lunch, I choked on my food and possibly came close to death when my boyfriend's best friend performed the Heimlich Maneuver on me, potentially saving my life. My boyfriend then started arguing with me over letting his best friend touch my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 025

You deserved it 479

It wasn't me

By Tag - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Australia - Perth

Today, a woman screamed at me for five minutes, demanding to know how long I'd been having an affair with her husband. I explained for the second time that she'd dialed a wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 372

You deserved it 2 784

Quickie

By HolyyMolyy - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I was ecstatic to have received a friend request from my crush of grade 4 after 11 years. He's grown up to be such a hottie. I quickly accepted his request, he messaged me and we ended up chatting for hours. Later, when I messaged him, he called me clingy, and unfriended me from Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 076

You deserved it 2 181

Hello goodbye

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, it's been five days since I started my new job in a new town, and just signed the lease on my new apartment too. Now I find out the company's closing down, and since I'm still on probation, I'm told I'm not entitled to any kind of severance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 996

You deserved it 1 986

A little treat

By AdoKitty - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Redlands

Today, the 4 year-old I was babysitting came up to me all happy, saying she went to the bathroom like a "big girl." Knowing she was just potty trained, I asked if she'd remembered to flush. Looking at me confused, she said, "But it's in my room." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 398

You deserved it 2 336

Oh please

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at the airport, a lady bitched me out for changing her departure gate. She called me incompetent and accused me of "messing with people's lives" by "making them walk." I didn't change the gate, and the other gate was less than 10 feet away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 934

You deserved it 2 475

Denial

By Lady Bloodshart of the Redwater - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Arlington

Today, while at a restaurant, my date shat himself. He spent the entire meal pretending nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 138

You deserved it 1 088

How very dare you?

By PainStressLife - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Dublin

Today, I went to an over-crowded grocery store. As I reached the front of a long line, I noticed that a cart had been abandoned in everybody's way. Trying to be helpful, I moved it to the side. An enormous woman then shoved me and yelled at me for "pushing her property around." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 732

You deserved it 3 443

Are we nearly there?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I'm travelling across the country with my family. My grandma thought it would be a good idea to take her shoes off. It's been 5 minutes and my eyes are watering from the stench. We still have over 200 miles left until we get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 264

You deserved it 1 625

Thanks, I guess…

By smyp - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Lithuania - Vilnius

Today, I was let go from my job, because I'm "progressing too quickly and there's no promotions available" and I "can find a better place to work at." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 954

You deserved it 2 315

Modern art

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I finished a big painting for art class. It's also the day my little brother decided it didn't have enough puke on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 532

You deserved it 1 736

Singalong

By shtzbutnogiggles - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at a concert and I was having so much fun. Unfortunately, this was cut short when the person behind me with the worst halitosis started singing along to the songs. He knew ALL the lyrics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 443

You deserved it 1 080

Tipsy

By Anon - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I learned that while most people drunk text, I drunk clean. And by drunk clean I mean put my things away where I won't be able to find them, like my car keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 571

You deserved it 4 287

Confused

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Niles

Today, my mother had to ask me when my birthday was, because she gets it confused with the day she bought our old car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 230

You deserved it 1 748

Learning moment

By bigbro - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Australia - Southbank

Today, I was babysitting my 6-year-old brother and was playing Mario. When I won, he called me a cunt. I was in shock and asked him where he learnt the word. He said from me when I was driving. He then told my mum that I taught him a new word. Easy to say, I'm in big trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 651

You deserved it 5 185

Smartass

By dumbass for a flatmate - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Australia - Sydney

Today, my roommate told me that she wants to get some of those "My Family" stickers for her car. She's single and has no children. What does she want to get? One for her, and one for her goldfish. Sadly, this is probably one of the most intelligent things she's said all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 595

You deserved it 3 863

Thanks for your concern

By nothealthy - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my sister called after she found out I was hospitalized with surgery complications. Worried about me? Wondering if I'm okay? Nope. Just mad that I texted her an update rather than calling. I didn't call because I had surgery on my throat and can't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 495

You deserved it 1 305

The simple life

By swervelol - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, as well as for the past two weeks, my brother has been making up songs about farts and singing them non-stop. He's 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 046

You deserved it 1 171

Pissed

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Windsor Heights

Today, I had to take a drug test for a new job. I ended up spilling the cup of piss all over myself. I had to explain what had happened, then go sit in a waiting room full of disgusted-looking people, while I kept drinking water to fill my bladder back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 728

You deserved it 6 586

Welcome back

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I drove home from work, only to find both my next-door neighbours loudly arguing in the middle of my driveway. I got out and asked them what the hell was going on, only to find out one of their inbred kids had put a brick through my back window, and each is claiming the other did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 473

You deserved it 2 323

What? WHAT?

By anon - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I went to 7-11, where the cashier asked me if I had the app to get rewards. She then looked at me and said, "Never mind, I can tell you don't." I guess I have no control over my resting bitch face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 294

You deserved it 2 230

Pile up

By neverforgetyourphone - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Barrie

Today, I got into an accident. As I was talking to a police officer about what happened, the tow truck driver managed to take my car and drive away, leaving me with no phone or wallet. I just spent an hour walking home in a hail storm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 778

You deserved it 3 015

On the road

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was feeling super nervous about driving because I had my first accident the day before. As I stopped at a red light, I got rear-ended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 114

You deserved it 2 660

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I learned that my boss is training one the the trainees I trained to be supervisor. Everyone supports this, including me. So what's the issue? I was promised that position almost 2 years ago. Apparently, I train people well enough to promote, but I'm not good enough to be promoted myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 820

You deserved it 793

Today, my mother asked me how pasta is harvested. She actually thought it grew out of the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 744

You deserved it 2 552

Today, as I left the supermarket, I found someone had hit my car in the parking lot. There was a note tucked under the wipers. Insurance details? Nope. It just said "Sorry dude. I fucked up. Good luck with the car." Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 110

You deserved it 2 287

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a serious talk. He told me that I was a quick-tempered emotional train wreck. He then said, "You know how we talked about getting married? Now the only way I'd marry you was if hell froze over." He smiled, gave me a kiss, and went to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 044

You deserved it 6 742

Today, I learned that my neighbor of 9 years has a kid. I learned this after I knocked down his snowman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 366

You deserved it 4 086

Today, I invited my elderly mother to come stay with my husband and I during this outbreak, just until everything calms down. She declined because we said she couldn’t bring her boyfriend. Her boyfriend is a 34 year-old leech who's been living off her for over a year. She refuses to change her mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 634

You deserved it 227