Today, I woke up with Skittles superglued to my forehead. FML
Today, I walked into a restaurant with my parents to celebrate my Mom's birthday. They immediately got a kid's menu and crayons out for me. I'm 15. FML
Today, I slid on ice and hit another car while driving to work. My car was totalled, and my leg hurt, while the other car had very little damage. Not two minutes later, the salt truck drove by, spraying the road. FML
Today, I blacked out going up a roller coaster. Instead of helping me, my friend took pictures of my face and posted them on Facebook. FML
Today, my toddler gave me what I thought was a ball of melted chocolate. I held it and sniffed it to be sure… It was a freaking ball of her poop. FML
Today, at work, I met a new client for the first time. Apparently he thought it would be a good idea to get drunk beforehand and spend the whole appointment telling me about his 9-inch "drill bit." I have to try and find this guy a job. FML
Today, frustrated with my very energetic kids, I told them that if they dug a hole deep enough in the backyard, they'd find China. What they really found was the previous owner's dog. FML
Lifes a bitch
Ah, you must be one of those people that thinks glue isn't real and Elmer's school glue is actually a bottle of bull sperm.