Intimacy: Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML

By pops up - 01/12/2011 22:25 - United States

Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 400

You deserved it 10 658

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
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Same thing different taste

By hotmommy - 20/12/2010 00:23

Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. She asked me if she could go see Santa, so I said yes. She made me sit on his lap with her, and that's when I felt something on my bum. Let's just say Santa had a present for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 272

You deserved it 6 643

By moopymoplady - 29/11/2011 00:44 - Canada

Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 291

You deserved it 5 631

By perenoel - 03/12/2011 16:24 - France

Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 044

You deserved it 6 158

By Santa - 12/12/2011 21:45 - Canada

Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 080

You deserved it 4 411

By Loola - 21/12/2008 05:04 - France

Today, Father Christmas touched my ass in a shopping mall. I'm a bit worried about what's going to happen on Christmas Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 921

You deserved it 2 548

By Anonymous - 15/12/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, a man dressed as Santa Claus walked by me, grabbing my butt. He smelled of pipe tobacco and pee. He pulled me close to him and whispered, "I bet you're naughty but you feel so nice." I looked dumbfounded at him as he winked and yelled, "You're on my list." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 639

You deserved it 4 352

By HOe HOe HOe - 02/11/2011 02:36 - United States

Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 106

You deserved it 16 279

By lonewolf2701 - 22/11/2009 09:15 - United States

Today, my manager sent me a text message with a picture of Santa masturbating, with a message that said he wished me a white Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 585

You deserved it 4 284

By tishihish - 12/12/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, I walked into the Macy's bathroom to find Santa taking a dump with the door open. Merry Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 943

You deserved it 2 826

By unknown - 17/12/2012 11:37 - Canada

Today, I brought my 6-year-old to the mall to sit on Santa's lap. She told him what she wanted and smiled for the picture. When the lady told her that her turn was over, she began throwing a fit, pulling off Santa's beard in the process. This caused all the kids in line to begin sobbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 527

You deserved it 6 890

phatdaddy62 23

Friday 2 December 2011 9:11

Welcome to the "North Pole!"

koala7_fml 2

Friday 2 December 2011 9:07

Merry Christmas!

Comments

nikkirenn 6

Friday 2 December 2011 15:25

Look on the bright side, you'll probably get all the presents you want.

RuneRifle 22

Friday 2 December 2011 15:57

OP's name.. 'pops up' well, it sure did!

Courtney_Sanders 6

Friday 2 December 2011 16:07

Well, how's that for a compliment?

White_Knightspc 0

Friday 2 December 2011 16:24

He was trying to hint to you on how to get back on the NICE list ASAP.

guerillazinsuits 1

Friday 2 December 2011 16:31

Sketchy Santas...

lyonsboy48 6

Friday 2 December 2011 16:37

It was a compliment. Deal with it.

kaykay20 0

Friday 2 December 2011 16:45

I assume way to old to be on santa's lap let alone believing in him

TheChad85 1

Friday 2 December 2011 16:46

U know what he wants for Christmas

Bofferding_fml 6

Friday 2 December 2011 17:56

He wants some of the sweet stuff too! Old men have needs too you know! Bet you made his day

fernclogger 5

Friday 2 December 2011 17:56

Wow just... Wow

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I waited anxiously until midnight to open my Christmas presents. As the clock struck midnight, I ran out into the living room, super-excited to open them, only to discover that everyone in our house had already opened theirs, and had all gone to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 986

You deserved it 5 492

Today, I started getting calls from gay men looking for anonymous kinky sex. It turns out that my coworker has been posting my personal information in Craigslist Personals section as a prank. My wife doesn't believe that my coworker is such an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 506

You deserved it 2 556

Today, I got a call from my long distance girlfriend. She's about a month pregnant. I haven't seen her in person for six months, but she still insists it's mine. I don't know which would be worse: her lying or her being that stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 515

You deserved it 5 647

Today, my grandma told me point-blank that she despises gays, but that she'll go to my wedding for the booze and nothing more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 549

You deserved it 5 130

Today, I woke up to the lovely sounds of goats having escaped their pen and climbed onto the roof. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 286

You deserved it 3 361

Today, I slipped and fell on a sudden patch of ice, on a road that had been completely fine until then, so I decided to push my bike past the icy patch before getting back on. Little did I know, the ice continued for the entire rest of the road, which was another 3km. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 138

Same thing different taste

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