All you need is hate By MyEyesAreOpen - 01/07/2017 04:00 Today, I got a positive take-home message from my failed relationship. He gave me great advice about changing my cell phone carrier. FML agreeclassic 3 531 vote type 1 311 Share Tweet Share
Today, I ran into an old friend. I asked her how she was doing, then asked, "And your mum?" Just as the words escaped my lips, I remembered her mum died a few years ago. Trying to save face, I messed up again and blurted, "She still in the same graveyard?" FML agreeclassic 19 705 vote type 1 51 463
Today, I found out my boyfriend still writes Twilight fan fiction. FML agreeclassic 1 427 vote type 1 416
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML agreeclassic 13 102 vote type 1 40 071
Today, I went to the gym to try to get into shape. While I was running on the treadmill, my beer belly pushed against the emergency stop button, twice. FML agreeclassic 28 520 vote type 1 5 575
Today, my mother went on another long rant, detailing 20 years of bad things that we all already knew about a relative. The slightest recollection in a conversation never fails to turn into unending monologues. I can't change the past, nor the subject of conversation apparently. FML agreeclassic 817 vote type 1 93
Today, I found out that I was not adopted and in fact my parents are my biological parents. How did I find out? Over dinner. How long have I been believing I was adopted? 22 years. Why did I start believing I was adopted? My siblings thought it would be a funny joke. My mom played along. FML agreeclassic 49 760 vote type 1 3 497
Can you hear me now?
Take the deal