blub1118

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Blub1118's favorite FMLs

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2012 22:58 - United States

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 752

You deserved it 1 726

Confused

By dammit hearing aid - 10/07/2014 22:17 - United States - Wallingford

Today, I was interviewing a woman for a job. She told me that she may need days off because of her artistic son. I jokingly replied, "Does he color on the walls or something?" She then stared at me with a weird look on her face. Autistic, her son is autistic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 851

You deserved it 22 319

By Anonymous - 18/06/2014 19:06 - United States - Lake Wales

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 489

You deserved it 5 028

By Carlee_Casten - 17/06/2014 20:51 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I got called a slut. I don't know what is worse, the fact I was called it or that I felt strangely flattered that the person thought I was getting any. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 633

You deserved it 7 873

Carlee_Casten tells us more.

Carlee_Casten 1

Wednesday 18 June 2014 21:14

OP Here! I just wanted to say thank you for the really nice comments :) Just to clarify I am not a person who thinks sex is something that should be bragged or boasted about. I was trying to make an insult less hurtful. They caught me on a good day. Otherwise I wouldn't have taken it so well. But thanks again for the comments and for those that helped my FML get posted :)

Split second

By FLIPmcCOOL - 15/05/2014 22:57 - Ireland - Cork

Today, I accidentally said the wrong name during sex. That name just happened to be "Sarah", which is both my ex-girlfriend's name and my wife's sister's name. When she asked me which one I meant, I panicked and said, "Both." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 138

You deserved it 60 659