About I_piss_glitter
I think60% of the stories on this site are fake and it annoys the fuck outta me how everyone comments them like they're true. Another 39% are not FML worthy and someone's not doin a good job moderating, if your boyfriend breaks up with you your life isn't fucked.
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I_piss_glitter's FML badges
  • It's in the can!

    Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
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    You have thumbed 5000 comments.
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    You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
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    You've received 68 Hugs on your profile. Kinky.
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I_piss_glitter's favorite FMLs

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

By RC3Welly - / Monday 9 March 2009 22:58 / United States

Today, I was at work. I'm a sign spinner. Lots of other employees shares stories of how they have been flashed by 18 year old hot chicks as they drive by. I got flashed by a 45 year old, 300lbs lady. FML

By spinner - / Tuesday 1 September 2009 11:44 / United States

Today, I woke up to my five year old son picking off the scabs from his chicken pox and dropping them into my open mouth as I slept. FML

By beya - / Monday 31 August 2009 22:05 / Canada

Today, my friend and I were making sandwiches at his house. His family's dog wandered over just as I dropped a large chunk of cheddar on the floor. The dog snatched it up and ran away with it. I yelled after it, jokingly, that I hoped it would choke and die. It did. FML

By lily - / Sunday 30 August 2009 20:17 / United States

Today, I took the kids I'm babysitting to the farm to feed the animals. They were a little scared of the llama, so I showed them how nice it was by feeding it a lot of bread. Then, as I was telling the farmer how I loved the llama and wanted to take it home, it spit grass and bread all over my face. FML

By Anonymous - / Saturday 29 August 2009 06:58 / United States