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zozohearts

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zozohearts
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2788
  • Number of comments : 52
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

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zozohearts's favorite FMLs

Today, I got my tongue pierced, then went to a pet store. A clerk came up to ask if I needed help. I showed him I already had some fish, and said, "No thanks." He must have thought I was "special," as he bent down and in a baby voice, said "You got fishy? FISHY FISHY FISHY!" while poking the bag. FML

#17497586
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22114) - you deserved it (10493)

On 08/17/2011 at 4:13am - misc - by aprilfools22 - United States (California)

Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML

#17497068
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28746) - you deserved it (5091)

On 08/17/2011 at 2:50am - intimacy - by Frank (man) - United States (California)

Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML

#17496000
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25388) - you deserved it (3088)

On 08/17/2011 at 12:48am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to start exercising. I almost passed out five minutes into the warm up, and couldn't even stand in the shower afterwards. I'm only 21. FML

#17492209
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10202) - you deserved it (28921)

On 08/16/2011 at 6:09pm - health - by Out of Shape (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Today, at my aunt's wedding, the time for the tossing of the bouquet came and the announcer asked for all the single ladies to gather behind the bride. I was the only one. FML

#17479569
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34087) - you deserved it (3013)

On 08/15/2011 at 10:45am - love - by single lady - United States (California)

Today, I came home to find a window broken and my neighbours searching inside my house. Apparently, they'd heard a small child asking for help inside my house. I recently taught my dog to "talk." FML

#17477307
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24783) - you deserved it (5116)

On 08/15/2011 at 2:23am - animals - by Mumbling Mutt101 (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, it was my engagement party. All was going fabulously until my fiancé's dad decided to give us a toast, and completely forgot my name in front of all my family and friends. I've been with his son for 7 years. FML

#17475917
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28843) - you deserved it (2567)

On 08/15/2011 at 12:16am - love - by Alex (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I was knocked into a wall by a high-pressure water cannon suddenly kicking in. I was only going to the corner store to buy some chocolate. Probably serves me right for not noticing a small riot due to a thumping hangover. FML

#17474756
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18147) - you deserved it (5719)

On 08/14/2011 at 10:39pm - misc - by Anonymous - Reserved

Today, a girl came into my salon to permanently straighten her really long and curly hair. After several long hours, I went to the counter to charge her. She ran out faster than an Olympic runner. FML

#17473722
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32812) - you deserved it (2436)

On 08/14/2011 at 8:47pm - work - by theultimatesalonfail - United States

Today, while flicking my bean, I was thinking about my boyfriend who moved to California last week. Before I came, I had to stop because I started crying. FML

#17473520
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22847) - you deserved it (6883)

On 08/14/2011 at 8:25pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML

#17468167
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30019) - you deserved it (8710)

On 08/14/2011 at 7:20am - misc - by Goaway (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I spent $500 buying my lost cat back from a jerk who thought it was his. I get home and my mom tells me that she'd sold it to the same guy for $10 because she thought the cat was ruining my love life. FML

#17467108
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32955) - you deserved it (5581)

On 08/14/2011 at 3:16am - money - by Username - United States

Today, I came home to find my house destroyed. I was so devastated, I cried. I had spent days hand-crafting the house to perfection, down to the finest detail. On Minecraft. FML

Today, after pulling an all-nighter, I fell asleep at the beach. My friends took the opportunity to bury me in the sand, place food all around me, and wait for a flock of hungry seagulls to attack me. To top it off, they taped it all. FML

#17460856
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24624) - you deserved it (5219)

On 08/13/2011 at 3:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I woke up with a foul stench forcing its way up my nostrils. It turns out our septic tank broke, and is now leaking into our backyard, and sadly, our basement. I live in the basement. FML

#17460789
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24969) - you deserved it (2251)

On 08/13/2011 at 3:04pm - misc - by thatguythere858 (man) - United States (Kansas)



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