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zozohearts

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zozohearts
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2797
  • Number of comments : 52
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

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zozohearts's favorite FMLs

Today, during our wedding, my wife tried to dodge The Kiss. FML

#17525336
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47978) - you deserved it (3452)

On 08/20/2011 at 12:41am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I was in a public toilet when a guy kicks the door in and shoves a police badge in my face, screaming for me to tell him "the path of Lemmiwinks". After a whole minute of me shitting my balls off, he bursts into laughter and tells me I've been pranked. I was too embarrassed to report him. FML

#17522944
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23005) - you deserved it (3199)

On 08/19/2011 at 8:23pm - misc - by shitless88 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was helping some friends put supplies in my crush's car for our picnic. His girlfriend cracked a joke about me, so I just sarcastically laughed and slammed the door shut. Now she has three broken fingers, and I have a reputation as a psychopath. FML

#17522033
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22979) - you deserved it (6316)

On 08/19/2011 at 6:47pm - misc - by friendly_neighbourhood_psycho (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I had to utter the phrase "OK, but no cape during sex" to my girlfriend. FML

Today, I discovered that I won't be able to wear the dress with a low neck line that I bought for my cousin's wedding, because my older brother thought it would be funny to mix a scented body-wash that he knows makes my skin break out in hives, with my regular one. My chest looks like a pizza. FML

#17518141
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21368) - you deserved it (1713)

On 08/19/2011 at 9:11am - health - by pizzachest - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend because he is tired of everyone giving him shit about my ginger hair. FML

#17517733
314 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35882) - you deserved it (5888)

On 08/19/2011 at 6:38am - love - by ginger (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I woke up to my roommate sniffing my underwear. He said he was checking if they were clean, so he could borrow them later. Which may have been reasonable, if I weren't still sleeping in them. FML

#17516529
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38566) - you deserved it (2654)

On 08/19/2011 at 2:32am - intimacy - by leftwardfoil (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was having a chat with a customer. He asked if I was married, to which I replied, "No." Before I could say anything else, he said, "Thought so. You look too happy to be married." I was about to mention that I just got engaged. FML

#17513868
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23470) - you deserved it (3053)

On 08/18/2011 at 10:10pm - love - by ddeit (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, after a tennis lesson, the coach was picking up the stray tennis balls around the court. Trying to be helpful, I asked him, "Do you want me to grab your ball bag?" His eyeballs almost burst out of their sockets. FML

#17512926
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24874) - you deserved it (7303)

On 08/18/2011 at 8:18pm - intimacy - by BigmouthStrikesAgain (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I noticed that a picture of me on my Mum and Dad's wall looked different. On closer inspection, I realised they'd recently painted over my teeth with white paint. I asked them why, and they said they looked 'discoloured'. It's my wedding photo. FML

#17508765
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20444) - you deserved it (2364)

On 08/18/2011 at 10:11am - misc - by JLO (man) - Australia

Today, my family decided it would be hilarious to catch the biggest moths they could and let them loose in my room. I'm terrified of moths and they thought it would be 'funny as hell' to watch me freak out. FML

#17505369
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22391) - you deserved it (4172)

On 08/18/2011 at 12:02am - misc - by livgasms - United Kingdom

Today, my mom went to grab my sheets off my bed. I said that I would do it, to which she responded, "Calm down, it's not like I've never seen 'spludge' before." FML

#17503951
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24495) - you deserved it (5410)

On 08/17/2011 at 9:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a cop pull me over because he claimed that he saw me taking a bunch of colorful pills at the previous stop sign. I was eating skittles. FML

#17502057
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32601) - you deserved it (2027)

On 08/17/2011 at 5:50pm - misc - by candymansvan17 - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I got a flat tire in the middle of nowhere. I called AAA, and they said it would take 2 hours to get there. They called 2 hours later saying they got a flat tire and would be there in another 2 hours. FML

#17499857
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35498) - you deserved it (2708)

On 08/17/2011 at 12:45pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boss stopped mid-walk during a conversation about the humidity in our office, after I told him I didn't like the air conditioner on, because I'd rather not be cold and wet, and that I liked it warm and sticky. I knew then he was no longer thinking about the AC. FML

#17498648
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10324) - you deserved it (30486)

On 08/17/2011 at 9:00am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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