zozohearts

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zozohearts

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 4942
  • Number of comments : 52
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

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zozohearts's page activity

Visits<b>DQFEdits</b> - the 02/10/2016 at 12:13am<b>heroqucas</b> - the 02/02/2016 at 6:09am<b>immaloser95</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 2:30pm<b>Jiratias</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 8:28am<b>kdgsmiley</b> - the 08/22/2015 at 1:12pm<b>sarahhhl</b> - the 07/31/2015 at 4:26am<b>_jack117_</b> - the 07/05/2015 at 10:59am<b>seetei</b> - the 04/29/2015 at 7:59pm<b>LilsBills300</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 1:00am<b>manowarkidd</b> - the 02/25/2015 at 1:37pm<b>TITOSJ408</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 2:50am<b>itsb_freed</b> - the 01/12/2015 at 11:42am<b>kelseysking</b> - the 11/16/2014 at 8:38pm<b>munuxi</b> - the 11/12/2014 at 6:56pm<b>Striker_Jr</b> - the 11/07/2014 at 9:24am<b>vanessa_tranz</b> - the 11/02/2014 at 11:37am<b>nathansmith1211</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 10:50pm<b>jelly_bennett</b> - the 08/24/2014 at 2:37am

zozohearts's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

zozohearts's favorite FMLs

Today, I tried to scare a new college friend by sneaking up behind her wearing a mask. It worked. And so did her lightning fast reflexes developed from multiple martial arts championships. My 2 cracked ribs, broken nose and bruised ballsack can now be added to her list of achievements. FML

by only1bigdogme / 09/03/2011 at 1:24am / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my school is having their homecoming, and it seems everyone but me has someone to go with. My best friend has her boyfriend, my brother has a date, and I have my hamster. FML

by Anonymous / 09/02/2011 at 10:47pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I was in English when I had to use the bathroom. As I was signing out, the teacher said "Don't forget the hall pass!" It was a plunger. I have to walk across my school with a plunger. FML

by d0rk_ / 09/02/2011 at 4:44pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, my daughter turned Emo. FML

by nyaahaha / 09/01/2011 at 11:44pm / United States / Kids

Today, I was in my car with my window down at a red light. Outside, a sweet old lady was sitting on a bench with her dog sleeping next to her. I yelled out the window to tell her how cute her dog was. She replied, "He's dead" and cried. FML

by macattack / 09/01/2011 at 10:29pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation

Today, I was robbed while recovering from a robbery. FML

by Starving Ultimatum / 09/01/2011 at 9:55pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my Dad if it was true that my mother had a C-section at my birth. He replied "Yeah, so technically you weren't even born, you were surgically removed, like a tumor." FML

by mannydanny / 09/01/2011 at 7:40pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was DJing on a popular local radio station when a pop-up window appeared on the station's computer. Of all the possible sounds that could have played, it was a girl screaming in pleasure. It went out live on air. FML

by djfail / 09/01/2011 at 1:56pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my mum has been texting my ex-boyfriend to tell him what a dick he is. FML

by Anonymous / 09/01/2011 at 3:07am / United Kingdom / Love

Today, I lost power. That didn't stop my house alarm from running on battery, loudly informing me in a British accent, "AC power disconnected. BEEP. AC power disconnected. BEEP." It's been going on for 5 hours and the battery takes a special screwdriver to remove. One we don't have. FML

by Beepbeepbeep / 08/31/2011 at 10:50pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife compared me to Sid the sloth from Ice Age. Same smile, same eyes, same belly, same big feet. FML

by faceless_sailor8 / 08/31/2011 at 12:25pm / United States / Love

Today, I spent thirty minutes in the shower trying to remove "Pierre", a face complete with moustache that my girlfriend drew in sharpie on the tip of my cock. FML

by Anonymous / 08/31/2011 at 10:23am / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Intimacy

Today, I walked into my shed to find my daughter's boyfriend asleep and completely duct-taped to the ceiling, with his face painted like a clown. FML

by piece of shed / 08/31/2011 at 10:00am / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend of six months broke up with me because I didn't know what her favorite ice cream was. She says it proves I don't care enough about her. I don't think I've ever seen her eat ice cream. FML

by wtf3456 / 08/31/2011 at 5:16am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, my dad told me I'm no longer allowed to see my boyfriend. Apparently there is a deer camera above my driveway that snaps pictures whenever it senses movement. Too bad I didn't know that when I was giving my boyfriend head in the driveway. FML

by Username / 08/31/2011 at 3:36am / United States / Intimacy