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zozohearts

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zozohearts
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2787
  • Number of comments : 52
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

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zozohearts's favorite FMLs

Today, I tried to scare a new college friend by sneaking up behind her wearing a mask. It worked. And so did her lightning fast reflexes developed from multiple martial arts championships. My 2 cracked ribs, broken nose and bruised ballsack can now be added to her list of achievements. FML

#17649868
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9283) - you deserved it (44231)

On 09/03/2011 at 1:24am - misc - by only1bigdogme - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my school is having their homecoming, and it seems everyone but me has someone to go with. My best friend has her boyfriend, my brother has a date, and I have my hamster. FML

#17648334
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20955) - you deserved it (5705)

On 09/02/2011 at 10:47pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was in English when I had to use the bathroom. As I was signing out, the teacher said "Don't forget the hall pass!" It was a plunger. I have to walk across my school with a plunger. FML

#17645605
295 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21808) - you deserved it (4447)

On 09/02/2011 at 4:44pm - misc - by d0rk_ - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my daughter turned Emo. FML

#17640475
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45793) - you deserved it (17626)

On 09/01/2011 at 11:44pm - kids - by nyaahaha - United States

Today, I was in my car with my window down at a red light. Outside, a sweet old lady was sitting on a bench with her dog sleeping next to her. I yelled out the window to tell her how cute her dog was. She replied, "He's dead" and cried. FML

#17639709
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29086) - you deserved it (4000)

On 09/01/2011 at 10:29pm - animals - by macattack (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was robbed while recovering from a robbery. FML

#17639388
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24259) - you deserved it (2424)

On 09/01/2011 at 9:55pm - misc - by Starving Ultimatum (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I asked my Dad if it was true that my mother had a C-section at my birth. He replied "Yeah, so technically you weren't even born, you were surgically removed, like a tumor." FML

#17638273
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31997) - you deserved it (4152)

On 09/01/2011 at 7:40pm - misc - by mannydanny (woman) - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, I was DJing on a popular local radio station when a pop-up window appeared on the station's computer. Of all the possible sounds that could have played, it was a girl screaming in pleasure. It went out live on air. FML

#17635803
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25861) - you deserved it (4367)

On 09/01/2011 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by djfail - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I found out that my mum has been texting my ex-boyfriend to tell him what a dick he is. FML

#17633677
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20370) - you deserved it (3041)

On 09/01/2011 at 3:07am - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I lost power. That didn't stop my house alarm from running on battery, loudly informing me in a British accent, "AC power disconnected. BEEP. AC power disconnected. BEEP." It's been going on for 5 hours and the battery takes a special screwdriver to remove. One we don't have. FML

#17632771
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18271) - you deserved it (2706)

On 08/31/2011 at 10:50pm - misc - by Beepbeepbeep (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my wife compared me to Sid the sloth from Ice Age. Same smile, same eyes, same belly, same big feet. FML

#17629436
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21206) - you deserved it (4773)

On 08/31/2011 at 12:25pm - love - by faceless_sailor8 - United States

Today, I spent thirty minutes in the shower trying to remove "Pierre", a face complete with moustache that my girlfriend drew in sharpie on the tip of my cock. FML

#17628880
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25171) - you deserved it (9730)

On 08/31/2011 at 10:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, I walked into my shed to find my daughter's boyfriend asleep. He was also completely duct-taped to the ceiling, with his face painted like a clown. FML

#17628781
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29466) - you deserved it (2849)

On 08/31/2011 at 10:00am - kids - by piece of shed - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend of six months broke up with me because I didn't know what her favorite ice cream was. She says it proves I don't care enough about her. I don't think I've ever seen her eat ice cream. FML

#17628013
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22210) - you deserved it (3050)

On 08/31/2011 at 5:16am - love - by wtf3456 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my dad told me I'm no longer allowed to see my boyfriend. Apparently there is a deer camera above my driveway that snaps pictures whenever it senses movement. Too bad I didn't know that when I was giving my boyfriend head in the driveway. FML

#17627685
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14466) - you deserved it (50669)

On 08/31/2011 at 3:36am - intimacy - by Username - United States



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