Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

zachherbert

Search for a member

zachherbert

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 8 July 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2546
  • Number of comments : 497
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About zachherbert : Ok, so you want to know more about me... Well, if you need to know, I enjoy painting. I especially like painting dog portraits. So if you want a portrait done of your companion, shoot me an email at water_boy95@hotmail.com. If you send me a message on here, chances are I will never see it, since I only use the app...
If you are still reading this, I'm guessing you want to know more about me. Well, I have recently finished chemotherapy for my lymphoma...FUCK CANCER....ummm... I enjoy FML quite a bit. I enjoy music very much. I am starting a list of favorite FML'ers, and FML'ers I dislike:

Favorites:
Flockz
ManInTheMachine
DocBastard
perdix
ShoomaKi
SqueakyChipmunk

Dislike:
MsKati
wetFeline


Now, please get on with your life, and stop stalking mine.

zachherbert's page activity

Visits<b>Curtis66</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 8:49pm<b>Random4Dayz</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 1:46am<b>Bombegranite</b> - the 07/08/2014 at 1:19am<b>kyndrazacherl</b> - the 06/20/2014 at 10:28pm<b>dying_to_know</b> - the 06/12/2014 at 4:22pm<b>Iwtumn</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 4:18am<b>levodkamartini</b> - the 05/18/2014 at 12:41pm<b>allforyoux3</b> - the 05/14/2014 at 1:42am<b>ladystate</b> - the 04/28/2014 at 4:14pm<b>Garrett2818</b> - the 04/22/2014 at 10:04pm<b>wardgustavo</b> - the 04/10/2014 at 7:23pm<b>fefemooms</b> - the 04/06/2014 at 11:49am<b>Jacobman0313</b> - the 04/04/2014 at 12:51pm<b>seninaa</b> - the 03/25/2014 at 5:16pm<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 03/18/2014 at 2:18pm<b>jonjonguapito</b> - the 03/13/2014 at 11:00pm<b>hihello18</b> - the 02/07/2014 at 5:29pm<b>GarrettP28</b> - the 02/03/2014 at 2:58am

zachherbert's FML badges

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

See all of zachherbert's badges

zachherbert's favorite FMLs

Today, I had an admissions interview at my dream college. I spent hours practicing questions and picking the perfect outfit. It was not until after the interview that I realized I'd scratched a pimple while waiting, and my forehead had been smeared with blood the entire time. FML

#19750002
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27208) - you deserved it (3692)

On 06/07/2012 at 2:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while waiting for a bus, someone started smoking at the bus shelter, which is illegal in my city. I politely asked him to stop smoking, citing the city ordinance. He just cackled and said that if I'm so concerned about the state of my health, I should start by losing 90 pounds. FML

#19749863
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17770) - you deserved it (34206)

On 06/07/2012 at 1:42pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, after a spate of bad ones, I was in another job interview trying my hardest to give a good impression. After answering a few questions, I realized to my horror that while I was talking I was swiveling my chair from left to right like a nervous child. FML

#19748854
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17995) - you deserved it (3998)

On 06/07/2012 at 8:17am - work - by Swivel - Singapore

Today, I found out I have an incredible fear of butterflies. I discovered this after my mother took me to a butterfly sanctuary for some "mother-daughter bonding time." FML

#19748698
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18398) - you deserved it (3089)

On 06/07/2012 at 7:00am - animals - by anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I went on a second date with a guy I really liked, and we started chatting over dinner. That's when he told me about his paranoia, and how he's unsure if I'm out to get him or not. FML

#19747527
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19517) - you deserved it (1922)

On 06/07/2012 at 12:12am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Singapore

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML

#19747486
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23154) - you deserved it (4389)

On 06/07/2012 at 12:02am - intimacy - by C0r1nn3 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I pulled a neck muscle while head-banging. I wasn't at a concert, and I'm not in a heavy metal band, but I do pretend that I am while I'm in the shower. FML

#19744443
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9236) - you deserved it (20077)

On 06/06/2012 at 2:21pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML

#19743887
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13738) - you deserved it (36937)

On 06/06/2012 at 12:02pm - intimacy - by Rob (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mum thought it was perfectly acceptable to post a status on Facebook about how well she is healing up after her hemorrhoid surgery, and tag me in it. FML

#19732110
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21234) - you deserved it (2300)

On 06/04/2012 at 11:02am - misc - by unacceptable (woman) - Australia

Today, a homeless guy grabbed me and started ranting that "the Mayans were right" or some shit. He was making about as much sense as Charlie Sheen outside of a padded cell, so I shoved him away. That's when he decided to pull a knife and chase me all the way to my car. FML

#19716436
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23513) - you deserved it (3768)

On 06/01/2012 at 5:08pm - misc - by kay (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, in a rush to get my clothes back on at my girlfriend's house at the sound of her parents opening the front door, I forgot to take the condom off. Her dad watched it fall out of my pant leg and onto the kitchen floor. FML

#19710621
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18670) - you deserved it (38801)

On 05/31/2012 at 4:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found out that my colleagues had replaced my email auto-responder with a message saying, "I'm away for two weeks in Brazil. Due to the surgery, when I return, please address me by my new name: Crystal." FML

#19710494
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27960) - you deserved it (2707) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/31/2012 at 4:19pm - love - by Monsieur-Madame (man) - France (Champagne-Ardenne)

Today, I found a video of a school play I starred in years ago. I was ecstatic, because it's really the only memento of my childhood I have left. Unfortunately, it started with my grandpa groaning, "Ahh shit," and degenerated into him muttering over the audio about "those fucking commies." FML

#19699093
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17914) - you deserved it (1625)

On 05/29/2012 at 1:58pm - misc - by joanne (woman) - United States

Today, it's been three weeks since I started using a hair-growth shampoo in the hopes of combating my balding. All it's done so far is make the hair I do have monstrously bushy, both upstairs and down. FML

#19658490
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17057) - you deserved it (3796)

On 05/21/2012 at 6:47pm - health - by bear - Norway (Nordland)

Today, I went to a job interview at a small family-owned business. After the interview, the owner's son took me into his office and told me I'm not getting the job and to get out, because apparently, the old man thinks I'm "possessed by a demon". FML

#19652325
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19764) - you deserved it (1710)

On 05/20/2012 at 3:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: