About xzeldax3 : Message me!!!
Profile completed
You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.
A new Thumb
You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Today, the weather was beautiful, so I decided to go out skating. I guess I took a wrong turn into a bad neighborhood, because I ended up being chased several blocks by a group of jacked-up thugs wielding baseball bats and taunting, "Skate or die, homie!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (36569) - you deserved it (5024)
On 05/19/2013 at 4:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to my parents, until we found my mother waving around a wooden sword, and my father trying to shove my sister into the dryer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36717) - you deserved it (3804)
On 05/18/2013 at 4:06pm - love - by Mr_poole (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because she apparently saw me making out with her sister. She doesn't even have a sister. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40346) - you deserved it (3355)
On 05/18/2013 at 3:34pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I got a mosquito bite inside my cast. I slipped a ruler into it and started scratching to relieve the itch. Part of the ruler ended up snapping off inside. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36366) - you deserved it (12326)
On 05/17/2013 at 4:49pm - health - by sprainedankle - Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad)
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus". FML
I agree, your life sucks (41590) - you deserved it (2760)
On 05/17/2013 at 11:52am - misc - by Sonofa - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36694) - you deserved it (6468)
On 05/16/2013 at 4:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I went into the men's restroom and started peeing in a urinal next to a middle-age man. As he zipped up and walked away, he said to me, "Don't worry, it'll grow." FML
I agree, your life sucks (36402) - you deserved it (3405)
On 05/14/2013 at 4:09pm - health - by DrewK (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth filled. The nurse just finished taking my info when the doctor came in and started drilling. Through my chorus of screams he realized he'd forgotten to numb me. His only response was, "Guess I forgot to numb ya, huh?" while giggling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48974) - you deserved it (3289)
On 05/14/2013 at 8:03am - health - by toothache - United States (Illinois)
Today, I found out I'm actually the uncle of my children. All four of them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (78987) - you deserved it (4473)
On 05/14/2013 at 3:13am - kids - by Liferuinedforever (man) - Pakistan (Sindh)
Today, I learned if you type my full name in Google Images, the 3rd thing that comes up is a naked woman in ropes. Someone on Pornhub thought it was smart to comment that the girl looks just like me. She does. Now my parents think I'm a porn star, and most people at school stopped talking to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45325) - you deserved it (3126)
On 05/14/2013 at 12:15am - intimacy - by magomag (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, while doing a fun genetics game in Biology, I found out that I was adopted. Turns out the game wasn't so fun. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47209) - you deserved it (2373)
On 05/13/2013 at 7:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58147) - you deserved it (3565)
On 05/13/2013 at 3:10pm - intimacy - by more than I wanted to know (man) - Italy (Emilia-Romagna)
Today, I finally convinced my mom to read Fight Club. As English isn't her first language, she occasionally asked me to translate some of the words. Her latest question: "What's a dildo?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (24808) - you deserved it (33323)
On 05/11/2013 at 8:07pm - misc - by joeidk (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my stalker ex girlfriend turned up at my wedding, uninvited, wearing a wedding dress. FML
I agree, your life sucks (70231) - you deserved it (4229)
On 05/11/2013 at 2:25am - love - by tdrtnlz - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)
Today, my parents scoured my browser history, certain that I have a hidden Facebook account that I'm using to get up to no good. Their reasoning was that there's no way my only friends are my relatives and that all I can post about is about the weather. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36066) - you deserved it (6063)
On 05/11/2013 at 1:15am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
