About xponia : Electronic music producer from Seattle.
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Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27749) - you deserved it (4475)
On 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm - animals - by furryballoon (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27749) - you deserved it (4475)
On 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm - animals - by furryballoon (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my son asked me where babies come from. I told him, "From god." He came back with, "Daddy said it was from fucking." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29641) - you deserved it (16886)
On 11/15/2011 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by lababy - United States
Today, I brought my girlfriend of six months over to meet my family. When my grandpa saw her, he said, "What a waste of good breeding stock." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18510) - you deserved it (1519)
On 11/13/2011 at 12:10pm - love - by mandie - United States (Louisiana)
Today, still suffering from an eye infection, I received a customer complaint. Having red eyes, asking how a patron's day went, and thanking them as they left my register obviously means that I must be stoned out of my mind. Apparently I've moved to a city where you must be on drugs if you're nice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19170) - you deserved it (1503)
On 10/21/2011 at 8:10am - work - by Customer Stonage Representative - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my roomie had guests over. I didn't feel like socializing, but I really had to piss. So I pissed in the plant in my room, spilled half of it, mopped it up with an old shirt, and went to bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5305) - you deserved it (35319)
On 10/21/2011 at 12:57am - misc - by crankg - United States (Ohio)
Today, at football practice, a 200lb lineman ended up landing on my stomach. The weight made me shit myself. My new nickname is "Muddbutt". FML
I agree, your life sucks (25970) - you deserved it (3121)
On 10/01/2011 at 6:45pm - misc - by FirstStringQB - United States (California)
Today, I needed to pay off a $35 parking ticket. To try and get some sort of revenge, I went to the bank and got 3,500 pennies, dumped them into a bucket, and refused to pay with anything besides the pennies. They called the police. I was arrested and cited $147. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14655) - you deserved it (30677)
On 09/09/2011 at 12:04am - money - by Not_you17 - United States (Georgia)
Today, my daughter wouldn't stop yapping on about not being able to register on the new Harry Potter website. The amount of whiny jibber-jabber emanating from her cake-hole made me want to boot her from our family tree, and I had to resort to booze to wash the pain away. I'm a terrible parent. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10888) - you deserved it (41730)
On 08/04/2011 at 9:41am - kids - by makeitstop (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, my little brother came into my room and hit me over the head with his baseball bat. He then dropped the bat onto my floor and ran crying into my mother's room proclaiming I stole his bat and beat him with it for fun. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29251) - you deserved it (2358)
On 07/30/2011 at 1:15am - kids - by NaomiMadison - United States
Today, my dad's work phone went off, and I thought I should go tell him since he's on call. Turns out no matter how you do it, a 47 year old man at one in the morning will think you are a burglar trying to attack him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20505) - you deserved it (2210)
On 06/03/2011 at 2:25am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He asked for my license and registration so I reached for my center console. I was then greeted with a gun to my ear because my coffee cup supposedly looked like a gun. I stepped out of my car to apologize and I was hit with a big stick. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33965) - you deserved it (7646)
On 05/13/2011 at 12:02am - misc - by phant776 (man) - United States (California)
Today, I went for a job interview. I was asked if I wanted a drink. I have no idea why, but I replied "a bottle of milk please." FML
I agree, your life sucks (15716) - you deserved it (21465)
On 04/20/2011 at 4:10am - work - by bham boy -
Today, I promised my boyfriend a blow job every time he does the dishes. Every dish in the house has been washed three times already. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16113) - you deserved it (51308)
On 04/10/2011 at 1:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I was spending Saint Patrick's Day with my girlfriend, when she started pinching me for not wearing green. To my complete shock, when she pinched my nipple, I got the biggest, most noticeable erection I've ever had in my life, and no matter what I did, it wouldn't go away. We were in public. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36750) - you deserved it (6960)
On 03/17/2011 at 6:38pm - intimacy - by Mr. Sensitive Nips - United States (Texas)
Monday 20 May 2013
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